A Wisconsin Badger and an Oklahoma Sooner walk into a bar ... and proceed to talk cordially and respectfully about sports. With the occasional rant, riot or hot chick pic thrown in.
Pop quiz: Which organization allegedly received the financial benefits from LeBron James' one-hour ESPN special three weeks ago?
Quick! Which interviewer sat down with LeBron and asked him about 38 useless questions before asking him the only question that counted (where ya goin')?
Without hesitating, can you recite the exact words LeBron used to announce his Decision on where to play basketball for the next five years?
And one last pop quiz: what did Kevin Durant announce via Twitter on July 7, the day before LeBron's Decision?
Admit it. The answers to the first three questions sprung to mind automatically, in the same manner as "what is your birthday?" and "when's the last time the Cubs won the World Series?"
Admit this, too: you didn't immediately recognize that Kevin Durant signed a five-year extension with the Oklahoma City Thunder. That's because Durant's TV special took exactly 60 minutes less than Lebron's, ahem, one-hour circus.
Put it this way, folks: type "LeBron James signs" into a Google search. Then try "Kevin Durant signs". One of them yields 23.8 million results. The other gives you a smidge over 600,000. Guess which one's which.
Now, I'm not saying I like my athletes to be bland, boring, excessively married to the norm. I miss the days when athletes could say and do as they pleased without getting ripped for showing a little color.
But LeBron's Decision was Decisively stupid. There's not much left to say at this point, obviously, but the way he left Cleveland was shameful. And addressing himself multiple times in the third person that night? A pity to see a wondeful athlete and affable personality tear down his good-guy persona in just one night.
That only serves to make Kevin Durant look that much better. A man whose talent gap from James is smaller than you think, and a man who has won the same amount of NBA Finals games as James, showed humility and loyalty with "The Tweet".
So good for Kevin Durant. If Carmelo Anthony makes the hard Decision to leave Denver in 2011, and if I'm forced to make the impossible Decision of divorcing the Nuggets, I think I know which bandwagon I'm jumping on.
. More Riverside Rants in the middle of a Wimbledon that might have a couple Andys in the semis and Williamses in the final...
Boy, there is just nothing better than a bunch of loud, drunk Americans being wheeled into one bar on a bandwagon to watch the rarest of rarities: a relevant USA soccer game, huh?
There were a surprising amount of Brazil soccer fans there, too, which made things fun. Particularly when the American team went up 2-0, the bar went bazooka-bonkers twice, and the poor Brasilian hooligans looked like they were contemplating how to go into hiding for the next 28 years. I loved the part where our table started up the "U-S-A! U-S-A!" chant on both occasions.
Of course, just like any low-budget horror movie, it ended badly. When Brazil scored the game-winner with 10 minutes to go, the table of yellow-and-green-clad patrons started mocking us with their own version of the U-S-A chant. I won't reprint what qualifier they added; this is a family sports-and-hot-chicks blog.
The funny thing is, I seem to recall reading a story about how much the rest of the world hates that U-S-A! chant. Like it's beyond obnoxious to any foreigner. I think I read that during the Olympics, maybe.
I guess I can appreciate that, in all honesty. The chant is plain, it's simple, and it basically boasts, "we're better than you" in a sing-songy fashion. I suppose the foreign-language chants hold less personal entitlement to them, so whatever.
But it was all in good fun, and no bad blood lingered between the two fan groups on the way out or anything. Besides, our group forgot about the not-so-devastating result halfway on our commute from Brats to the Terrace; we wouldn't have wanted our Brazilian amigos to stay depressed until the 2036 World Cup.
And now, our Riverside Rant of the Week. Enjoy.
Three big-time trades went down in the Association right before the Draft. Well, big-time if you're a fan of the Cavs, Magic or Spurs. Not so much if you're sticking with the Suns, Nets and Bucks.
Hmmm...three playoff teams make moves to get better, while three non-playoff teams give away top players for basically nothing. Anybody still wonder why the same 16 franchises make the postseason each year?
The East champs, Orlando, picked up Vince Carter, which kind of was all right, since they couldn't hang on to Rafer Alston and the Nets do receive Courtney Lee in return. But I don't know what New Jersey intends to do with Alston - who just "point"ed the Magic to the NBA Finals - seeing as Devin Harris isn't about to give up time.
Then the stupid Bucks-Spurs deal, which involved five players - four of them completely irrelevant. Rip Jefferson is now in San Antonio, in exchange for bag of balls.
Not the actual basketballs; just the bag. An empty bag.
Bruce Bowen will get bought out, Kurt Thomas is now useless and Amir Johnson is terrible. The Milwaukee Bucks: ready to rise? More like ready to slap that snooze button and get another 45 minutes of sleep.
"The Bucks' incentive to make the trade is largely financial," according to the AP story. A true statement, if you leave out the 'largely' part. Milwaukee GM John Hammond said this gives the Bucks "much-needed options in the short- and long-term."
What short-term? Somehow, giving away a 20-point scorer and deadly shooter for whom you just traded the farm 18 months ago is good in the short term? Replacing him with a 36-year-old center and an overpaid, fourth-string forward helps your team in the short term?
John, John...just call it what it is in your pretty little statement. "Our franchise is hemorraging money and selling out fans, so we're just going to put more money in our already-fat pockets. Thank you, and go to hell."
And then, that Shaq trade. You might say, 'the Cavs shouldn't start printing up a banner just yet; the Diesel is running out of gas at age 39.' This may be. But they got him basically for free.
The Cavs sent Ben Wallace (probably retiring) and Sasha Pavlovic (probably getting bought out and returning to the Cavs) to the Suns. Wait, scratch that sentence. Neither of them are going to Phoenix. So why'd they do it?
"For the Suns, the O'Neal trade is a straight salary dump." Ah, I see. A team that won 60 games LAST YEAR made a blockbuster deal that made zero basketball sense to it. The economy didn't crumble THAT fast, fellas.
Here's the actual rant: I understand there are reasons behind cutting salary. Heck, the Nuggets made a straight salary dump with Camby and ended up with the greatest season in franchise history. But they were already a good team, and LA was trying to add pieces. That deal made some sense to both sides.
Now we're seeing these teams basically GIVE UP. And why? Because the owners wanna slash expenses in a bad economy?
That's the part, good readers, that makes me the sickest. The next owner who makes any sort of B.S. statement about tightening his belts should take a gander at the unemployment lines in their city. Or read the disturbing headline that 19.7% of May 2009 college grads are now employed within a month of commencement, compared with 51% in May 2007. Or do any other sort of actual research involving impoverished families who can barely afford the day.
Then tell us, your paying customers, about tightening your belts.
It's this simple, you 120 owners: you're filthy rich. And you own a sports team. If you don't care about winning and care about making money, sell your team. There's got to be a few more Mark Cubans out there that will spend, spend, spend to win.
Because that's what makes sports go around: 30 teams in each sport that are extremely competitive, not 8 haves and 22 have-nots. Enough of these excuses.
One more thing: if you type the words "salary dump" into Google Search, followed by the word "NFL", "NHL" or "MLB", you get somewhere in the range of 25,000 maybe 30,000 results. If you type in "salary dump NBA"? 40 grand.
David Stern, you have a call from a dirty, disgusting little secret on line one.
As my cohort in crime Andrew Petersen found today on Twitter, Chase Daniel was pleased to announce that Missouri was "one of two schools to produce a first-round pick in the NFL, NBA and MLB drafts this spring."
Why, that's nice, Chase. Showing support for your alma mater like that.
Should I even mention that both North Carolina AND Southern California are in the group with Missouri? Or would that force us to learn whether or not Chase can count past two?
Ah, screw it. Mizzou-rah.
Wimbledon picks, or "Wimby" if you're a ruh-tard headline writer at ESPN: Andy Roddick gets past Lleyton Hewitt in a solid five-setter, Andy Murray eases past JC Ferrero in three, Novak Djokovic knocks off Tommy Haas in four, and Roger Federer squeezes past Ivo Karlovic in a surprisingly entertaining four sets.
On the women's side? I think I mentioned a couple Williamses who might have a bit of success. Dinara Safina might be the worst No. 1 of all time, and Elena Dementieva is the eternal "play to my seed and just go home" player.
Go see the Hangover. Then see it again. But if you pass up Transformers 2 to see Hangover a second time, at least sneak into the sequel for the first 10 minutes.
Two words: Megan Fox. Two more words: her legs. And that's all I have to say about that.
Finally…WE’RE BACK! More Mile High Musings – wait a minute. We need to change the subtitle of this thing. I mean, Case of the Mondays remains great, but Mile High Musings? I’m no longer in Denver! No more need for nostalgia. Hmmmm…what fits with Iowa?
(I swear to God, the next wisenheimer who makes a corn joke is getting 4,000 ears of corn shipped overnight to your front door. Grrrrr…)
Corn actually doesn’t work, since Davenport is extremely urban. No sign of corn anywhere. The Mississippi River’s right there, though. How about, Riverside Rants? That work for everybody? Good.
Now, without further adieu…a supersized pilot installment of Riverside Rants on a Monday that sees a parade of champions passing through during the past few weeks…
My dad and I had a conversation on, I wanna say it was Friday; the Lakers had just taken a 3-1 lead in the NBA Finals and the Red Wings were about to battle the Penguins in one game, in Joe Louis Arena, for the Stanley Cup. My dad posed the interesting question: if you could take one and only one result to your liking based on rivalry (a Red Wings loss at home, or a complete Laker collapse), which would it be?
Interesting question, I think. And I’d love to hear input from other Colorado fans. Basically, you’re either harkening back to your good ol’ Avalanche-loving, “Red Wings Suck” days and stripping Detroit of a Cup on its home ice … or you’re making sure “The Rapist” is handed the most painful beating of his life in Games 5, 6 and 7 which would make a diehard Nuggets fan feel kinda, sort better in the end.
My dad’s take was hands down, take the Red Wings loss. I think he’s still more into the NHL than I am, so he loved seeing Denver’s most hated rival failing to win their fifth championship of the Colorado Avalanche era.
Me? I had to think for a minute, before agreeing with my dad. However, I had a different reason. Kobe is a psycho. He really is. And I mean that in a good way. He absolutely killed himself over the past two years – mainly, in the past 12 months since losing to Boston – to get that fourth ring and first post-Diesel ring.
If you’re a Nuggets fan, or Spurs fan, or Blazers/Jazz/Suns/Mavs/Rockets/Hornets fan, do you want ANY part of an even more pissed-off Kobe Bryant in 2009-10? I didn’t think so. Let Kobe soak in the completion of his quest, and now that he’s getting older – not to mention, that’s a whole lotta games he’s now logged in the last 24 months – there’s great opportunity for another Western Conference team to make the Finals next season.
(Psssst…Chauncey, are you listening? MAKE IT HAPPEN NEXT YEAR! Thank you.)
So anyway, speaking of the Lakers, congratulations to Los Angeles on your 15th. And to Phil Jackson on his tenth in 19 years – now THAT is an accomplishment.
But I’m morally obligated to complain about this somehow, so let’s talk about that ghastly postgame ceremony in which three different sequences were excruciating to watch, not from a I-hate-the-Lakers standpoint but from a why-is-this-completely-ad-libbed-I-think-I’ll-flip-to-TBS-to-watch-Mean-Girls-now standpoint…
Stuart Scott’s first interview upon the Lakers being presented the Larry O’Brien trophy was not Jerry Buss. It was Jerry’s son Joey – what kind of high-powered executive is named Joey? – whose attire (not just any polo shirt and jeans; it was an outfit that looked like it was 40 percent off at Kohl’s during Bonus Buys week in May) indicates he didn’t realize he was going to be accepting a world championship trophy on national television. Instead, he thought he was just gonna be backstage, draining free booze with attractive 24-year-old interns who were staring at the huge bulge in his pants.
(A bulge caused by a wallet filled with Daddy’s cash. Get your minds out of the gutter.)
Anyway…uhhh…okay, I’ll ask. Where’s Jerry? Why are we talking to his son, who nobody’s even heard of (not even Kobe or Pau)? Why can’t he shave his neck patch? Why was the answer to Stu Scott’s first question a long pause and then, “this one…means…a lot.”? (Thanks for the elaboration) And for god’s sake, if we can’t hear from the actual owner, why not his daughter, Jeanie Buss, who’s also dating Phil Jackson? Wouldn’t it have been great for Stu to kid around with her about dating PJ with some sort of lame sex pun or asking if this would be a good time for Phil to pop the question? That whole sequence was especially painful.
Then during Scott’s interview with Phil, that went well enough…right until the end, when Phil addressed his family, said “they mean so much to me and I can’t thank them enough” to clearly complete his answer. But Stu must have had a stroke or something, because he stared at Phil for THREE GOOD SECONDS, keeping the microphone in front of his face, not asking a follow-up question or turning it back to David Stern, forcing Phil to stammer out awkwardly, “thank you”. Hi, hello Stu? Earth to Stu? You’re on NATIONAL TELEVISION. Wake up.
And then, Stern brings up Bill Russell, apparently to assist him with presenting the MVP trophy to Kobe Bryant. Sounds like a real two-man job. Stern lists off all Bill Russell’s accolades, reminding the Magic crowd and L.A.’s fans of how successful the Celtics’ franchise has been (like anybody cares or wants to hear about that). After a long-winded introduction, Stern nods in Russell’s direction, and Russell goes to take the microphone and present Kobe with the trophy in his name. Except, inexplicably, Stern gives Russell the “psyche!” treatment, turning back to the crowd and saying, “Ladies and gentlemen, your 2009 Finals Most Valuable Player, Kobe Bryant!”, and the camera shows in on a stunned Russell, clapping politely but almost certainly thinking, “WTF? Is Stern clinically insane? Why’d I come down here? And where’s Kevin Garnett at? Shouldn’t I be giving him this trophy?”
What a weird postgame, post-championship ceremony. Well done, ABC and NBA. Take a bow.
Or don’t. Whatever.
Pau Gasol wears braces? I had no idea.
I still think Gasol’s nickname should be Garbage Man, for all the easy points he picks up for doing almost nothing. But I do not still think he’s overrated. He’s one of the top five big men in the league, no matter how he gets it done.
Saw the Hangover Saturday. Comic genius.
That is a spot-on representation of what every man aspires to with bachelor parties and Vegas-related shenanigans in general. The physical humor was great – but that’s kinda besides the point.
Hangover is an absolute quote machine, like Anchorman-level. I cannot WAIT to buy the DVD – which will certainly be Unrated and might come with 3D glasses, considering the direction of Hollywood – and start memorizing every line. Highly recommend the flick, if you haven’t caught it already.
How ‘bout them Rockies? Got a lil’ stat for you. Looked it up myself.
On June 15, 2007, the Rockies were right at .500, had a minus-24 run margin, and sat 5 games behind the Dodgers out of the National League wild card.
On June 15, 2009, the Rockies were one game under .500, had a plus-22 run margin, and sat 3.5 games behind the Giants out of the NL wild card.
The ’09 team was unwatchable on June 1. The ’07 team made the World Series.
All together now: I’m not sayin’. I’m just sayin’.
Okay, I admit it. I did hurt myself jumping on the bandwagon. I’m not making any playoff declarations; I’m not even saying I’m going to watch them any more closely now…it’s not easy when you’re out of town like this. But at least they’re watchable now, and should the Dodgers drop off even a little bit – well, things might get interesting.
And now, our weekly News and Views (Andy Baggot, your check is in the mail)…
News: Jason Marquis pitches brilliantly for seven innings on Saturday, leaving with one earned run and a 3-1 lead. Manny Corpas enters in the eighth, surrenders a game-tying two-run jack, but finishes the inning and benefits from two Rockie runs in the bottom half of the inning. Corpas picks up the victory; Marquis gets squat.
Views: Please, MLB statnerds, PLEASE … can we do away with the silly won-loss rules for pitching? Like, really. I’d feel just as wronged if Johan Santana gave up 11 runs in two innings, only for the Mets to win (or lose) 17-15 and provide Santana with a no-decision.
We’ve got to create a new formula for win-loss: maybe it’s gotta be the team record when that guy pitches. Or perhaps it takes into consideration who was leading when the pitcher departed, which wouldn’t keep it as a “win-loss” record, but some other stat that judges how often a pitcher gives his team a chance to win the freaking ballgame.
If nothing else, please…no more shall a reliever be allowed to pick up a blown save AND a win in the same game like Corpas did. PERIOD. If a starting pitcher can throw four solid innings and be disallowed from being named the winner, then we can certainly create a rule that stops a reliever from blowing a lead – or, for that matter, allowing two or more runs in any circumstance – from becoming the pitcher of record during a victory because his teammates bailed him out.
And that’s my extended Riverside Rant of the day. Whew. Glad I could get that out.
Federer’s French Fourteen. The Swiss Slam. Roger and Pete just hangin’ out together, on the same line.
And yes, the victory is slightly hollow since Nadal didn’t meet Federer there in the final at Roland Garros. But as they say, you can only beat the guys on the other side of the net. It wasn’t like Roger went all college football on us and intentionally scheduled a patsy like Robin Soderling to roll over under all that pressure on Championship Sunday.
Should Nadal be unable to compete at Wimbledon, does that make things easier for Roger’s quest to break Sampras’ all-time mark in London? Sure it does. But is it automatic? Not even close. I think the likes of Novak Djokovic, the much-improved homeboy Andy Murray, and even a hot stringer like Andy Roddick (not to mention all the young talent like Del Potro, Tsonga, Ferrer, Gulbis, et al) might have something to say about that.
But anyways, well done to Federer. He deserves inner peace after having the French Open elude him all those years. Wimbledon should be terrifically fun.
As for the women’s side? Boy, when Maria and Ana are hurt/struggling and the Williams sisters go quietly in the early rounds, I just can’t bring myself to care. Sorry. Need more stud players outside that foursome.
For the avid tennis fan: buy this book. Now. And read it. Read it all. You can do it in a day. And that’s all I have to say about that.
This next installment of The Next Erin Andrews of the month is a little contradictory for yours truly; as a faithful contributor and reader for Scout.com, we're picking a Rivals.com lady. Sort of like a Brewers fan lusting after a Cubbies chick, or a tried-and-true Sooner checking out a Texas belle, or a Nuggets fan eyeing...um...do we have a real rival? The Lakers, I guess? Phoenix, maybe? Let's go with the Lakers. You suck, Kobe. No means no.
Anyway, you don't care about my blather when you click on the monthly TNEA. You just want pictures. You know you do. Fine. Be that way.
Ashley Russell hosts the site's 'Rivals Minute', which I will not link to because, well, like I said, I'm a Scout guy. So to be honest, I'm not even sure if I can get into Rivals because I'm not a subscriber and those little devils over at Badgerblitz.com might have us BN guys locked out. But I'm sure it's pretty easy to find. Here's a video sample:
She's 29 years old, based out of Nashville, a Hoosier fan by nature (I notice the boos aren't as loud as they used to be. Poor Indiana), and went to Middle Tennessee State. Of all our candidates to this point, she's probably the most similar to Erin Andrews, so we may have an actual winner here as far as potential goes.
Speaking of EA, anybody seen her lately? I suppose the woman needs vacation time some time or another. But let me ask you, ESPN folks: would it kill you to have Erin Andrews, Rachel Nichols, Michelle Tafoya, Lisa Salters, Suzy Kolber, Linda Cohn, Sage Steele...ANYBODY BUT DORIS BURKE doing your sideline work for 'The Finals'? Look, Doris does fine work with women's sports, namely the WNBA and the women's college tournament. She's actually not a bad basketball analyst either; she can hang with Jeff "see, now this is what I would have done if I were actually coaching" Van Gundy any day. But she just doesn't strike me as a sideline girl! Her investigative stuff is all right, but her question-and-answer periods with the coaches after the first and third quarters, and with the players at the end of each half, are just pain-full.
And let's put this out there; she's not exactly Jennifer Aniston with the facial, ya know? America likes a cutie-pie asking Sasha Vujacic why he insists on wearing a shoelace around his head, Adam Morrison if he'd like to trade lives with J.J. Redick, or Stan Van Gundy if he has considered Xanax. It's gotta be either a cute girl, or a strangely odd man wearing a bright purple suit with orange trim (*cough Craig Sager). Just the way the biz has evolved. Salters in particular is good at this, and I'm partial to Tafoya too. I don't know why this bothers me, but it does.
Anyway, that's my mini-rant. Ashley Russell, everybody.
. So I’m posting this after the Lakers took the tight Game 1 victory last night, but I promise you, the majority of this was written beforehand; and though I’m fairly nervous that the Nuggets may have blown their one shot to win in L.A. because Chauncey forgot how to hit free throws, I stand behind everything. I’m still taking Denver in six, and as a quick aside, Cleveland in five.
Well, here we are. The Western Conference Finals of our dreams, the one everybody wanted. Well, not quite everybody. I don’t think Laker fans are thrilled about possibly getting knocked off their title plans by the team they absolutely punked just 13 months ago.
Look, the Lakers are darn good. Very talented. That is an awfully deep team, too; they don’t miss a beat when Odom, Walton, Vujacic, Farmar, Brown and Powell get minutes. Andrew Bynum’s health probably makes them that much better … depends if he decides to show up on any given night. Pau Gasol is the best pretty boy center in the Association, and I mean that in a good way. And Kobe is, well, still Kobe. Let’s just hope he’s not Doin’ Work all over the Nuggets in the series. By the way, is he allowed to visit Eagle when he comes here? Just askin’.
But something doesn’t smell right about Los Angeles. Mainly, in the point guard region; the armpit of the Lakers’ body of work. Literally, every time Derek Fisher takes a shot not from the corner, (postscript; obviously, he had the dagger last night. From his favorite spot. Where else?), I start to smile. You just know it’s probably not going in. And I’m not totally sold on Jordan Farmar yet. Definitely not sold on Shannon Brown.
Take a gander at the last nine NBA champs; they were captained by Rondo, Parker, Wade (basically ran that offense), Parker again, Billups, Parker once more, and three years of Kobe-Shaq in their primes. An older-than-fossils Fisher and the unproven Farmar doesn’t even come close to matching up to ANYONE on that list.
Another thing: remember how everyone had a lovefest over Roger Mason this year, and how much of an X-factor he was as a role player? Whatever happened to him? Oh, right, he came back down to earth. Who’s to say the same’s not happening to Trevor Ariza? And speaking of X-factors, apparently Andrew Bynum is going to step out of his Greg Oden shoes and into those of Shaq circa 1996. I’m actually surprised how much the Laker backers are counting on Bynum’s presence to knock off the Nuggets.
So the Lakers’ Western Conference title hopes rest with Trevor Ariza and Andrew Bynum? If that’s the case, I like Denver’s chances. As much as Birdman and Anthony Carter may contribute in their own way, nobody’s mistaking them for X-factors. At the end of the day, you need you best players to be your best players, particularly in basketball. The Nuggets only win this series if they get top performances from Carmelo, Chauncey and J.R. Plus the bigs gotta show up too.
Kobe said immediately after the Utah series, maturely and correctly, that LA had to solve its focus issues. What indicates to you that they did so in the Houston series? Seven games against a team so far inferior in talent, without its two best players and without a man taller than 6-foot-9 on the floor (when you yourself have two 7-footers and a long 6-10er with Odom)? The Lakers have now played 94 games this season; uh, if you don’t have an answer for focus or chemistry problems by now, it just ain’t happening.
One other dirty little truth, that I’m sure Bill Simmons would be quick to point out: Kobe played 103 games last season ending with the Finals, and Pau Gasol played 87. Then they each played eight games in the Olympics, finding themselves in the gold medal game there against each other. Now they’ve played 94 (Kobe) and 93 (Gasol) this year. So…since November 2007, a 19-month span, Kobe has logged 205 meaningful games, and Pau 188. Oh, and Kobe passed the 1,100 game mark in the NBA recently, which has been around the time NBA players begin declining. (Allen Iverson is still about a half-season away from the millennium mark, and look what’s happened to him. Just saying.) Playing six or seven games in the next two weeks, without ever more than one off-day in between each contest, and having to play three games at altitude? You’re telling me there’s NO chance a tired and getting older Kobe averages, I don’t know, 19 points or so this series?
I’m going Denver in 6. And this isn’t wishful thinking. I’ve strongly, truly, honestly believed since early in the second round that the Nuggets were a better team. Nothing since has persuaded me differently, so I’m sticking with it.
. It's an abbreviated Mile High Musings for you today - in fact, it's more just one ranting column than anything else - as I'm super, super busy after graduation and moving out of Madison. But I owe you guys something, as it's been awhile.
I don't know why, but this story tickled my funny bone. I love Vince McMahon's pathetic - PATHETIC - attempt at a Nuggets potshot. "Even though the Denver Nuggets had a strong team and were projected to make the playoffs..."
Wait, wait, let's pause here for 10 seconds. And not for station identification. What phony NBA publication was he reading? Everyone had the Nuggets penciled as the last lottery team, with Portland making the big jump and joining the other big seven in the postseason with Denver missing out. But nice try at buttering up Nuggets fans before your impending, completely deranged commentary on Denver hoops.
Anyway, "...projected to make the playoffs, obviously Nuggets and Pepsi Center owner Stan Kroenke didn't have enough faith in his own team to hold the May 25th date for a potential playoff game." Let me calm down, count to ten, and soothingly first state that I understand Vince McWoman isn't being serious here; it's just his personality to make outlandish statements in order to create ratings for his organization. Courtesy of my studies from Dean Baughman at Wisconsin, we call this the 'sphere of deviance'; comments like 'the sky is green' or 'everyone hates puppies' or 'Derek Fisher stands a chance of slowing down Chauncey Billups' that nobody in their right mind would agree with. So I get that. What I don't get is why Vince gets his jollies from behaving in such manner. You've gotta be seriously psycho to make a living and a reputation off being a complete ass. I feel sorry for him. Honestly, I do. Oh, and I could care less that he's ripping the Nuggets. My thoughts below have everything to do with McMahon's strange quotes and nothing to do with, hey, he's picking on my NBA team, boo hoo. Nah, that has nothing to do with it.
But for fun's sake, let's tear him apart anyway, shall we? Good.
Here's the quote in question, one more time: "obviously, Nuggets and Pepsi Center owner Stan Kroenke didn't have enough faith in his team to hold the May 25th date for a potential playoff game."
First off, I guarantee you Vince didn't know for certain that Kroenke owned the Nuggets as well as the building. So this is obviously being doctored by his p.r. "specialists." Good to know a guy as bloated and idiotic as McMahon has people responsible for making him sound as if he makes some semblance of sense... and still failed epicly. You're damn right I just made up that word: epicly.
Next ... uh, no, Vince, the Nuggets haven't played this late into May since the early 80s. Or, you know, since wrestling was actually kind of popular. So I don't think it would be a good business decision to expect your team to make the conference finals and thusly refuse to stage any other sort of revenue-building events at your arena for a three-week block. To be honest with you, I think even owners of such perennial contenders like the Yankees and Lakers and what not understand that.
And finally, singling out May 25th. Vince wanted Stan to "hold the May 25th date for a potential playoff game." Riiiiiiiiight. Because the NBA obviously knew without a doubt that a conference finals game would be played on that EXACT date.
I mean, people, you have to work to be this foolish. But then again, that's what the WWE is: foolish. Good riddance; the Pepsi Center doesn't want or need your business.
. A belated Double Deuce - er, double dose - of swine-flu-free Mile High Musings, comprised of 22 wishes I made on my birthday last Sunday or sometime since…
I wish people would stop throwing newspapers on their deathbeds. The business model is broken, sure. But the world will always need watchdogs, always need political writers, always need football beat writers, always need movie critics, and always need their crossword, comics and Sudoku. So blogs are gonna take over, huh? Most blogs couldn’t exist without the information ascertained from real journalists.
Maybe newspapers won’t be in the form of rolled-up broadsheets which double as flyswatters or birdcage liners, but online newspapers are still newspapers nonetheless. So cry for your paperboy, but nothing else. Saying that aspiring journalists should give up because of expiring newspapers is like saying that the music industry was dead when records gave way to compact discs, and then to mp3 files. Same product, different format.
I wish someone would explain the allure of Twitter to me. Isn’t it basically Facebook’s status updates…and that’s it? Oh, so you can garner “subscribers” in some sort of self-competitive nature. Uh, same motivation as gobbling up Facebook “friends”, right? So Twitter basically stole 2 percent of the things you can do on Facebook, and is operating a multi-million dollar business off of it? No thanks. I gave in to Facebook (not that it took that much persuasion) and I gave in to blogging (obviously); I don’t see myself ever giving in to Twitter. Tweet that, why don’t you.
I wish the NBA creates a flopping foul in the next two years. And it counts as two personals on your way to six and fouling out. Like a technical: the opposing team gets two throws and the ball. I’m sick of watching players get barely touched, only to instinctively throw their hands up in the air like those Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm-Waving Tube Men.
I wish Curt Phillips wins the starting gig this fall over Dustin Sherer. Nothing wrong with Dustin, he’s a nice kid and an improving player, but for the long-term sake of the program, Wisconsin football needs to get at least a half-season’s worth of starts out of the Tennessee dual-threat product.
I wish baseball were a wee bit more predictable. As I wake up on Monday morning, I look at the standings and see four division leaders (Toronto, Kansas City, Seattle and St. Louis) that finished in fourth place last season; besides, of the seven teams that sit three games or more above .500, only the Dodgers and Red Sox played in October last season.
But hey, at least I nailed Matt Holliday as the most overrated player in MLB. And my fantasy team is back to .500. So things aren’t all bad. Of course, Matty H is on said fantasy team. Oh well.
I wish to change my preseason playoff picks: Toronto, Kansas City, Seattle, Detroit, Florida, St. Louis, San Francisco, Cincinnati. Oh, that’s not who I think will win division or wild card crowns. It’s who I want to win. Because that’d be wicked funny to watch money-hungry MLB stick that in its big-market pipe and smoke it.
I wish only the best for Chase Daniel and Graham Harrell as undrafted free agents. Go prove a bunch of teams wrong, guys.
I wish Alex Rodriguez would go away. You too, Brett Favre. But it looks like the latter might not go so easily (note: read the last three paragraphs, in particular).
I wish to put the following video on my blog. Because it is humorous and may slightly resemble my own life. (The “we like sports” part, not the “I’m gonna sit three inches away from my best bud in the hottub” part)
I wish, retroactively, that my first three Mifflins had had such gorgeous weather as my last one. Then again, I feel lucky that the fourth and final Mifflin Block Party – the only one during which I lived on the freaking street – welcomed perfect sunny skies and warm temperatures throughout the afternoon.
I wish I had more time to enjoy Madison, Wisconsin. I spent my first three years here itching to get out and start that first job, figuring college was just a four-year footprint on my way to “the pros.” But senior year, I realized how much fun this place (and any college experience) is. Would’ve been nice to learn that two years ago. Current froshies and sophs, take note.
I wish T-Mobile would clear up why I’ve watched that same damn Dwight Howard-Dwayne Wade commercial 263 times, and still don’t understand why a video game injury would affect Howard’s life in any way, shape or form. And while we’re at it, just who the heck is that old white guy using the walker and talking trash to Barkley in the “Old School” commercial? These things eat at me.
On the other hand, I wish I was as cool as that Dos Equis guy. I may not be the most interesting man in the world, but my reputation is too expanding faster than the universe. And I too once had an awkward moment just to see how it feels. I, too, live vicariously through myself. Stay thirsty, my friends.
I wish Barry Alvarez would enlighten us as to what he’s thinking up there in that big fancy office of his. I thought the idea was to let Lisa Stone’s contract run out, rather than buying her out since it doesn’t make sense to pay two coaches for a non-revenue program. Fine. But extending her a season? And defending Stone by saying her “team was very close to having an outstanding year”, during a 6-12 conference season? This is a coach that not only had the most prolific scorer in UW men’s or women’s basketball history and failed to reach a single NCAA tournament (in fact, Stone still hasn’t brought her team Dancing in her six years here), but also has had numerous players leave the program (four of which I’ve actually met personally … I’m sure there are others).
I don’t understand the move. Neither do any of my Wisconsin sportswriting brethren. Neither do the fans, who commented on the Cap Times’ story. Neither do two of those ex-players still on campus. But hey, if Barry signed off on it, he must be right, right?
I wish I loved the NHL playoffs more. Numerous people have complained about a lack of playoff hockey coverage on this blog. I wish I could get into it, but I can’t! It doesn’t help that I live in a NHL-less state. Well, if anyone would like to produce coverage on the playoffs, let me know and we’ll be happy to post any work on it.
I wish this Denver Nuggets run would never end. No, seriously. Can they just play all the way through the summer? During their Game 1 thrashing of the Mavericks (give Dallas credit, though, they hung in there for three quarters and change), I figured out why I love the Nuggets more than any other team in sports: win or lose, George Karl’s guys make at least three or four plays every game that make you leap out of your chair and cheer or fist pump or unleash a tribal scream (you know, for playoff time). They’re just so darn fun to watch.
And I wish some NBA expert would explain to me why the Nuggets can’t beat the Lakers. Some guys are coming around, but apparently not our own Denver alumnus, Jon Barry (he said at halftime today the Nuggets can “absolutely not” touch the Lakers). While I’m at it, I wish the Lakers do beat the Rockets in their series. In fact, I hope they thump them real good. In four games, seven games, whatever. Just make sure LA matches up with Denver. I’d hate for Houston to steal our prize.
Bring. On. L.A.
This isn’t a wish, but can you Nuggets fans believe that just 10½ months ago, this was happening??? We almost had neither Carmelo nor Chauncey. Now we have both. As Kanye says, “it’s amazing, so amazing.”
I wish, if I were to land a TV job somewhere in a hypothetical situation, it is with TNT’s ‘Inside the NBA’ with EJ, Kenny and Chuck. Those who have watched this ridiculously entertaining show need no further explanation. If you haven’t, well, YouTube it. My petty words cannot do it justice. Here’s some help…
I wish to amend this statement I wrote in a Badger Herald column three years ago, in my first-ever birthday column: “I wish Bret Bielema a successful first season. Hard to say about his ability as a head coach just yet, but he’s one of the nicest guys I’ve met in sports.” Ummmm…wow. Just wow. I have no comment beyond that. You guys who have covered UW football with me know what I’m talking about.
Speaking of that old column, I wish for a Lakers cheerleader. Four years running, still nothing. I’ll keep wishin’.
And more than anything else, I wish my unemployed title is lifted in the next week or so. Crossing my fingers…hey, can’t a guy wish for something realistic that he actually has control over?
And that’s all I have to say about that. Due to a certain Thursday event involving the above statement, I’ll only have one more blog post – my Sportsmen of April – for the rest of the week. Wish me luck!
Justin Petek's Bracket First-round winners: Cleveland, Boston, Orlando, Miami, Lakers, Denver, San Antonio, Portland Conference finals: Cleveland beats Boston, Lakers beat Denver NBA finals: Lakers vs.Cleveland CHAMP: Lakers in six TOTAL POINTS: 18
Zach Sundelius' Bracket First-round winners: Cleveland, Boston, Orlando, Miami, Lakers, Denver, San Antonio, Portland Conference finals: Cleveland beats Orlando, Lakers beat San Antonio NBA finals: Lakers vs. Cleveland CHAMP: Lakers in seven TOTAL POINTS: 18
Tom Lea's Bracket First-round winners: Cleveland, Boston, Orlando, Miami, Lakers, Denver, Dallas, Portland Conference finals: Cleveland beats Boston, Lakers beat Denver NBA finals: Cleveland vs. Lakers CHAMP: Cleveland in six TOTAL POINTS: 15
TIEBREAKER: Justin picked a six-game final, closer than Zach's seven, so Justin Petek is your winner. Fantasy, Pick 'em...this man is cleaning up.
OH...and don't forget, TNEA and Sportsmen/women (yes, plural) of the Month coming up on Friday. Enjoy the rest of the week.
. Mile High Musings on a Monday morning hangover from a great, great NBA weekend with excitement that’s overshadowed only by sorrowed memories on this 10th anniversary of one of the greatest tragedies in American history.
I went to Chatfield Senior High, the (former) rival school of Columbine High School. Ten years ago, on April 20, 1999, I think everybody's life was changed forever: students and teachers, children teenagers and adults, Coloradans and all Americans. I didn't personally know anybody involved with the attacks, though I have several friends who knew students that witnessed the attacks or were injured during Columbine.
The week that it happend, the entire Bradford Elementary sixth grade was in southwestern Colorado at Crow Canyon, near the four corners. I'll never forget the teachers calling us into a large meeting room just after dark and Ms. Auger telling us what news they had received - "Today was a terrible day for Denver", she began. I'll never forget the hush that fell over the room as Ms. Auger divulged the details, telling us with a crack in her voice that our school and schools around Jefferson County were on lockdown and that everyone at our school was safe. I'll really never forget being scared out of my you-know-what thinking about my little brothers, Matt and Dan, who were fourth-graders at Bradford that day and kept locked inside the school until the coast was announced as clear. I'll never forget how shocked everybody was, the tears shed that night (and remember, these were 12-year-olds, a few years away from high school). And most importantly, I'll never forget the impact Columbine had on all of us in the Jeffco community, and I'm sure the same goes for schools and cities around the country.
We love you, Columbine, and will never forget.
Just for today, the blog will be navy blue, Columbine's primary color...so please forgive anything that's hard to read.
Now on to the Musings…
Ranking the eight NBA series from least interesting to most interesting, taking into account each of the Game Ones from the weekend… 8. Cleveland-Detroit - thought the Pistons would've put up more of a fight 7. Los Angeles-Utah - not good when Coach throws in the towel before game one 6. Atlanta-Miami - looks like D-Wade isn't Superman after all... 5. Denver-New Orleans - ...same goes for Chris Paul... 4. Orlando-Philadelphia - ...and for Dwight Howard. Team before individuals, I guess. 3. San Antonio-Dallas - can San Antonio fight off its biggest rival sans Manu? 2. Portland-Houston - will take an awful lot for Baby Blazers to forget about 108-81 1. Boston-Chicago - the champs are wounded. Can the Bulls take advantage?
You may have noticed a common theme. The four most interesting series saw the road underdog take Game 1; Nos. 5 and 6 on the list went to the home team, but are still competitive series; and the two most boring series have already been decided for all intents and purposes.
Other than Utah and Detroit (who limped into the playoffs and have terrible, terrible matchups), we've got 14 quality playoff teams on our hands. I'm not going to get on a soapbox here - just check out my chalky bracket - but I'm not at all surprised that four of the six road underdogs not playing Cleveland or LA have stolen home advantage in the opening games.
Today, we spell redemption: AI. Miss two freebies late, make up for it with a game-winning, off-balance jumper in the last two seconds. What a finish for Andre Iguodala.
My, that Derrick Rose is impressive. And such an improved free-throw shooter ... think John Calipari would've liked to have some of those back, say, a year and two weeks ago?
Hi, Ray? Ray Allen? Wake up. The playoffs started. And no KG around to help you. Time to play.
Hats off to Denver and Atlanta for paying attention to Saturday's upsets and taking care of their business at home.
Anyone who thinks the Hawks can't give the Cavs a heck of a run might be in for a surprise. That defense is shockingly underrated; they would just have to find a way to neutralize LeBron, somehow.
And anyone who still says the Nuggets CAN'T beat the Lakers is dead wrong. I don't think the Nuggets, should the matchup occur, will beat LA. I wouldn't bet that Denver would do so, I wouldn't bet on theDenver even if you gave me good odds. But Denver CAN beat the Lakers. You can't tell me that LA's half-assed defense can just extinguish all that firepower without breaking a sweat.
Joe Dumars, your thank-you note is in the mail. Not for Carmelo; for Chauncey.
And my final NBA-related thought: Inside the NBA talent and producers, never change. That is, without match or master, the greatest sports studio show on television. They even talk about professional basketball every now and then. But only on occasion.
Covered the Wisconsin Spring Game on Saturday. According to UW's "estimated attendance" as it was announced, 23,500 fans were there in the rain to watch a 56-20 blowout that didn't tell us much about the 2009 Badgers other than that Curt Phillips might have a shot at the starting QB position.
How far off is that "estimate"? Put it this way: if I had a dollar for every fan there, and had to give a dollar back for every fan under the 23,500 mark that actually showed up, I'd be more broke than Michael Vick.
I just don't get the need to lie about attendance figures. No shame in the fact that people outside SEC country just don't care about football in April.
But from a football standpoint, the Badgers will probably struggle again in '09. Now, 2010...that's a different story.
Let's say Phillips wins the job this year. The 2010 Badgers will feature returning starters at every offensive position except tight end Garrett Graham, the entire defensive line, two linebackers, both corners and both kicker and punter.
That's UW's best shot to get back to a Rose Bowl. With as few seniors as there are this year, it kinda makes sense for Bret Bielema to make the tough decision, play Phillips this season and hope that Dustin Sherer, an improving pocket passer and a genuinely nice kid, understands.
So, Brooklyn Decker decided to marry Andy Roddick. A good-looking 26-year-old tennis player who's made it some sort of personal vendetta to nail as many Hollywood hotties as he can, wedded to a 22-year-old Sports Illustrated model who's been famous for about two years and could get anybody she wants. And both travel around the world nonstop for their profession.
Gee, if that's not the perfect recipe for longterm marital success, I don't know what is.
And get this, something I learned yesterday: you know how they met? Roddick saw her picture in the '07 SI Swimsuit edition and, like every other red-blooded male, developed an instant crush. So he got his agent to track down her number, tried to score a date for five months - Decker admitted "I was stalked" - and eventually, she fell for it.
Seriously, Vegas has got to have this on the board somewhere: over/under for how many months before the divorce.
And if you've got this crazy idea about me being super-jealous and bordering on uncontrollable bitterness...you'd be right on, buckaroo.
My preseason World Series pick is 11-1. I’m not sayin, I’m just sayin.
Then again, my fantasy team is in last place by a solid four games (record after two weeks: 8-22-6), and my real-life team has lost six of seven (Rockies chances of a division title after two weeks: zero). So we’ve got some work to do there (realizing that baseball is complete guesswork and it’s better to be lucky than good, thus also realizing I hate baseball: priceless).
That Heineken commercial with the four screaming guys was funny the first time. Heck, it was entertaining the first eight or nine viewings. But it's gotten old, guys.
Family Guy last night – easily the funniest of the season – was titled “420” and all about legalizing pot. The very first commercial once the episode ended? One of those ‘Above the Influence’ spots. Coincidence? If so, that automatically wins the award for “Most Hilarious Irony of All-Time”.
Watching Family Guy’s newest ensemble “Bag of Weed” where Brian and Stewie , which took us into commercial and Burger King’s newest commercial where the King raps “SpongeBob SquarePants” to the tune of Baby Got Back, was one of the strangest five minutes of my life involving back-to-back songs that make you stare at the television with your eyes bugging and jaw slacked, unsure whether to be humored or terrified by what you just saw. And that’s all I have to say about that.
. (While you read, I highly recommend playing one of the two videos belows. Yes, I've given you a choice today! Either one works effectively. You don't even need to watch either video. Just jack up your volume meter, and listen to the awesomeness to get you FIRED UP while you read.)
Completing my second-round, conference final and 2009 NBA FINALS picks...plus, we've got a small, informal bracket challenge going on, so I'll list those selections too.
Oh, and from Part I, I had a belated Brooklyn Decker picture, and didn't want to disappoint my faithful readers by losing in the mix. Here it is. Damn you, Andy Roddick with your 155-mph serve. Go back to Maria, why don't ya.
But I digress. Bulls-Celtics tip off in exactly 102 minutes, so let's get to it. Time to party. But first, your choice of video. Option 1...
...or if you prefer, here's a little Kanye to get you in the mood...
EASTERN CONFERENCE SEMIFINALS
1) Cavaliers vs. 4) Hawks
Remember how much trouble Atlanta gave Boston last year? That was fun. Why couldn't it happen again? I feel like the Hawks are THE most underrated team in the NBA - and that says something, folks, coming from a guy that follows probably the most disrespected team in the league. At least people are talking about the Nuggets. The Hawks won 47 games this year!! That's one less than Utah, two less than NO, and three less than Dallas ... and guess what? The East, from top to bottom, was much better than the West in 2008-09! (That's right, I said it.) The Hawks had much less gimmes than those three, and kept pace. So why did I get bombarded with constant talk about those Western teams, but never heard a peep about Atlanta? I thought it was just a myth that Hawks fans don't exist. Or maybe Hawks fans are the myth.
So I'll go out on a small limb: Atlanta will be the second team this year to beat Cleveland at the Q (the Philly garbage doesn't count; the Sixers beat a JV team masquerading in Cleveland uniforms) and make this an interesting series. But Cleveland will recover and advance.
Prediction: The LeBrons in seven games
2) Celtics vs. 3) Magic
This series lost its luster when KG went down. Unfortunately, the cover story for SI this week didn't convince me that Dwight Howard really, really, really, really wants the NBA title this year; something that can be said for KG, LeBron and Kobe. But you know what? I'm a man of my word (even when that word is totally, totally wrong; see, Northwestern-Wisconsin hoops, Jan. 31) and I was all set to pick Orlando to make the conference finals back when Boston had us fooled that KG was just fine and dandy. So to heck with my fears from the SI article; I'm not just picking Orlando. I'm picking a shocker.
Prediction: Man-Children in four. That's right: a sweep. (This is why I stay away from Vegas.)
WESTERN CONFERENCE SEMIFINALS
1) Lakers vs. 4) Trail Blazers
I keep hearing that Portland's the only team with a chance to knock off the Lakers, due to the mini-rivalry and Los Angeles' alarmingly predominant struggles in Rip City. Well, goodie. Maybe Denver won't have to knock off Kobe after all (okay, enough homerism). I just don't see it, though. That Rockets series should take a ton out of Portland, and while they'll be the nation's darling underdogs against the Lakers, I'm having trouble understanding how Portland, a weak road team, is supposed to put up any sort of fight at the Staples Center in four tries (if it gets that far). Portland's inexperience, particularly opposed to LA's first-round foe Utah, could make this easier for the Lakers than we all think. Obviously, I hope I'm wrong.
Prediction: Black Mambas in five
2) Nuggets vs. 6) Mavericks
When you look at head-to-head records among all Western Conference playoff teams, there are a few three-game sweeps, but only two four-game sweeps. Lakers over Houston is one; the other is...Nuggets over Mavericks? Not what you would expect, now is it? Not to discount three-game dominance over one team, but if you only had to go to the other team's building once, it's a little empty. Not as empty as, you know, using steroids to juice your home run numbers, but still.
My guys did win all four meetings with B-dubs' squad, but to be fair, the total margin in those four wins was 16 points ... and 10 of them were in the Dec. 15 effort. Thus, the Mavericks have every reason to believe they can beat Denver, the way they're playing and with the confidence they would certainly harbor by conquering the Spurs. However, the Nuggets match up well at pretty much every position; it's no mistake that Denver did win each of those games. Plus, David Stern hates Mark Cuban, so Denver has that going for it.
Prediction: Birdman flies high in seven
EASTERN CONFERENCE FINALS - Cleveland Cavaliers vs. Orlando Magic
The teams only met three nights in the regular season, with the home team winning each time. Orlando actually had two of those. That doesn't necessarily help the Magic, who only got one experience dealing with the Q. (By the way, that's Quicken Loans Arena in Cleveland, for those who keep wondering. I just really like that moniker.) By this point, the loss of Jameer Nelson has got to be hurting the Magic; and I don't think the Cavs will drop one to Orlando in Cleveland. Don't be thrown by the number of games I predict; this will be a tight, tight series.
Prediction: Title-Starved City in five
WESTERN CONFERENCE FINALS - Los Angeles Lakers vs. Denver Nuggets
The series everyone wants to see. The Nuggets' fans because it means Chauncey and Carmelo have spearheaded a deep playoff run, and the Lakers' fans because, well, the Nuggets don't have much of a chance of stopping LA from setting up the series everyone REALLY, REALLY wants to see.
Prediction: Dream Crushers...er, Revenge Seekers in six
2009 NBA FINALS - Cleveland Cavaliers vs. Los Angeles Lakers
Everyone is picking the Lakers to win the title. It's not a bad pick at all. Kobe has the best overall supporting cast (and it's not even close) among the MVP candidates, he's the best closer in the game which is huge during playoff time, his team is super-experienced, we all seem to have forgotten that Phil Jackson has been here before. And if these two teams played one game, for it all, at a neutral site, I'd probably be picking Los Angeles too.
But I think I'm smitten with 39-2*. (Asterisk indicates one garbage loss that did not feature real Cleveland team.) You don't just waltz into Cleveland and win games, with that crowd so desperately wanting a championship and so desperately wanting LeBron to retire a Cavalier ... or at least deliver a title before he leaves.
I think Games 1 and 2 are the most important. Remember, at this stage of the playoffs, it's 2-3-2 time. If the Lakers can steal one at the Q, then they can calmly take a "one-game-at-a-time" approach back at home, and try to get three in a row to send LeBron and company back to Ohio with the Finals completed and Kobe clutching his fourth championship trophy. But if the Lakers can't....it becomes that much tougher to believe that LA can definitely win all three at Staples, knowing they still have to go back to Cleveland and find a way to win a game.
Count me among the believers. The Witnesses. LeBron is about to prove who's really the best in the game.
Prediction: Cleveland Cavaliers in six games
Unofficial Bracket Challenge 2009
AJ's Bracket First-round winners: Cleveland, Boston, Orlando, Atlanta, Lakers, Denver, Dallas, Portland Conference finals: Cleveland beats Orlando, Lakers beat Denver NBA finals: Cleveland beats Lakers in six
Ummmm...if you couldn't tell by the title of this post, I'm excited for the NBA playoffs to commence. Like, really excited. Like, Jessica-Alba-just-walked-into-my-apartment-wearing-only-a-Carmelo-jersey excited.
(Okay, not quite that enthralled. But still.)
Certainly, it helps that my favorite team had itself a dream regular season, and for once - FINALLY - looks like a team that knows who it is, like it has the parts necessary for a deep playoff run even if it would take a minor miracle to win the whole shebang. Not to mention, home court for the first time in the Carmelo Anthony era. Sheesh, only took the Nugs six years.
But you know what? Here's what's different this year: usually, when Denver gets knocked out after a week in the luxurious NBA Postseason Hotel, my fanhood checks out for the summer and I'll gently peruse the postgame recaps for the remaining rounds without really watching the games. But I solemnly swear this: even if the Nuggets get swept out of the first round, I will watch the entire playoffs with great intent. It's gonna be good. Nay, great.
LeBron trying to officially become the greatest player in the NBA without match or master? Kobe trying to jump into the NBA's top 10 of all-time? D-Wade trying to get his second ring, which judging from his supporting cast would take something along the lines of 35-point, 15-rebound, 15-assist, and 12-block averages from now till Father's Day? The Celtics trying to embark on the impossibly difficult task of repeating (hasn't been done since Kobe-Shaq nearly 10 years ago), and doing it without a healthy Kevin Garnett? The Magic, Nuggets, Hawks and Rockets trying to prove they should've gotten more midseason pub rather than getting sloppy seconds on all the headlines? The Hornets (Chris Paul), Trail Blazers (Brandon Roy), and Bulls (Derrick Rose) trying to ride their young stud guards to some postseason success? The Sixers and Mavericks trying to recapture old glory by upsetting a top contender or two? And finally, the Spurs, Jazz and Pistons trying to prove they're not totally washed up?
What's not to like about this postseason? I think my favorite part is, there are 16 quality teams participating in these playoffs. When a franchise that's played in the last six conference finals is your worst team - and it's not even close - that's a good thing, my friends. There's something to love about every one of the eight opening series, and I'm gonna preview them in some quick capsules here, adding in my first-round predictions (B-Dubs is in a busy stretch, but his picks are included). Some time before the playoffs actually begin on Saturday, I'll throw in my personal handicaps for the entire playoffs, March Madness-style ... but only if you allow me to change some stuff up after the first round. Cool? Cool.
EASTERN CONFERENCE
1) Cavaliers vs. 8) Pistons
LeBron, you're quickly becoming the world's most popular athlete. You're at the top of every guy's "If I could be a famous celebrity for a week, who would it be?" list, along with Justin Timberlake, Andy Roddick and whoever's doing Brooklyn Decker. (Oops, the last two are the same. Pardon me while I sob into the bottom of a Kleenex box.) But you've gotta, just gotta, stop that dancing crap. Don't make us hate you. It was cute ... once. Maybe twice. It's no longer cute. It's kind of annoying now. Besides, you're only firing up the Lakers, Celtics, Magic, and yes, the Pistons, who if you've forgotten have owned this conference since you freaking entered the league.
That said, has anybody seen the Pistons lately? Anybody? I feel like I haven't heard their name or seen any Detroit highlights in, like, three months. I guess I can see the Motown crowd, still fired up from Michigan State's run, helping the Pistons steal one from Cleveland. But the Cavs will get the other Palace game, which means they'll wrap it up back at the Q with relative ease.
Prediction: Dancing Queens in five games (B-Dubs takes a Cavs Sweep)
2) Celtics vs. 7) Bulls
This series might be fun ... if Chicago can keep playing like it has since early March, finishing the season 14-7 and winning every game in April until the last one, the one they needed to avoid a first-round trip to Beantown. Derrick Rose, however, is Chi-town's best hope, and might not even be the best point guard in the series, the way Rajon Rondo has stepped up for the Celts.
It would be beneficial for the reigning champs if they can work in KG and win this series with relative ease, preparing him for what would then be three very, very difficult series ahead. But again, you can't discount hot (and young) teams like the Bulls, and you just get the feeling that Boston will have to labor for six weeks straight if it wants to raise No. 18 in 2009.
Prediction: The Champs in seven (B-Dubs has the advantage of knowing KG is done and takes Chi-town in 6)
3) Magic vs. 6) Sixers
Talk about a gift basket for Orlando. I mean, Philly couldn't have backed into these playoffs much more forcefully if it had a hemi and the emergency brake snapped in two. Six straight losses in April? And would've been seven if the Cavs had needed that final game?
The Sixers have enough talent and have played well enough in stretches this year to make me believe this won't be a clean sweep. But a part of me feels like Orlando, even more than Cleveland, should be sure to have a large supply of brooms close at hand.
Prediction: Disneyworld Dwight in five
(B-Dubs take Superman in 5)
4) Hawks vs. 5) Heat
Mmmm, a tasty matchup in the Southeast U.S. of A. Now, everyone and their mother wants D-Wade to win this series and set up an epic clash with buddy LeBron. For that reason, I can't blame anyone for picking Miami, since David Stern's minions/referees has shown in the past an incredible ability to ensure Wade gets two free throws if a defender gets too close to him with a high fever. Unfortunately, David Stern's minions are more competent than Flash's minions.
I mean, you're coming at me with two rookies and Joel Anthony up front? Like Jermaine O'Neal's just gonna wake up this morning and be 26 again? Not happening. Atlanta plays very well at home, gets nice production from solid pieces up and down the lineup, and has a little playoff experience of their own from last year's near-upset of Boston. You think D-Wade on his own is better than that Boston squad from a year ago? Think again...because if he is, then maybe he does deserve the MVP.
Prediction: Hotlanta in six (B-Dubs takes D-Wade in 7)
WESTERN CONFERENCE
1) Lakers vs. 8) Jazz
I just love Kobe's attitude when talking to Craig Sager after his Lakers admirably played out the string and defeated Utah to make sure the Jazz would be retuning to the City of Angels for the first round. Sager mentioned Utah's physicality, and Kobe said, "We want that. This is good for us, we need to play a team like that to find out who we are."
Love it. I believe that a team like L.A. with legit title aspirations shouldn't care who they play in the first round, even if Utah is certainly capable of figuring out how to play basketball again at the snap of Jerry Sloan's fingers. But as long as Kobe keeps being Kobe, Andrew Bynum can keep getting back to full strength, and the Lakers can get something, anything, out of the point guard position, they should be fine through to round two. Just don't be surprised if it's not a cakewalk from the get-go.
Prediction: Flakers in six games (B-Dubs: Kobe and this team take it to another level. Lakers in 5)
2) Nuggets vs. 7) Hornets
Don't think I can write this without any semblance of bias, but I will try. I remember going to a Nuggets-Hornets game back on Thanksgiving night at the Can, when the Hornets basically stole a victory with a series of ridiculous events at the end to take home the W (no insult intended; great teams win games they have no business winning. I'm just saying: the Hornets had no business winning that night.) I walked out muttering to myself, the four guys I went to the game with, the guy handing out Conoco coupons at the door, anybody who would listen: "we are better than that team" over and over again. I believed that then, I believe it now.
Denver has always played Chris Paul very, very well; really, so well to the point that I'm a little puzzled what all the fuss is about with CP3. I know his stats speak for themselves, but I just haven't seen it when he plays Denver. The Nuggets are obviously Western Team Number One with an ape-sized monkey on the backside: trying to get out of the first round for the first time in forever. Luckily, the Hornets team on the opposite bench hasn't been there either, and has less overall experience. Other than Paul, New Orleans just is not very good, and I don't think they'll put up much of a fight in this series. Please, I beg you basketball gods: prove me right.
Prediction: JR SMITH FOR THREEEEEEEEEEEE in five (B-Dubs: No homers here, Denver squeezes by in 7)
3) Spurs vs. 6) Mavericks
I keep feeling lucky about how the postseason draw opened up for the Nuggets, figuring that if they do get past Chris Paul and Co., that we'll finally see Denver get a fair shot at the Spurs, and with the benefit of home court. But hold on. Who says San Antonio will get that far?
Dallas is playing very well to finish the season, San Antonio isn't. Dallas is completely healthy, San Antonio isn't. Dallas plays extremely well at home, San Antonio doesn't. Dallas is relatively young besides its point guard, San Antonio is the opposite of young. Old? Old, I think the term is. San Antonio is old. Dallas has better overall talent than San Antonio. I'm trying to think of a good reason why I should pick the wounded and susceptible Spurs.
Meh, let's go with it. My upset special's right here.
Prediction: Mark Cubans in six (B-Dubs: Cautiously taking my boys in 7)
4) Trail Blazers vs. 5) Rockets
Sorry, Rockets. Sure, you could've gotten home court in this series if Denver had cared enough to show up in the Rose Garden tonight. But, uh, maybe you shouldn't have coughed up an eight-point halftime lead in your own game tonight. Try and blame Kenyon Martin for that one.
By the way, Yao? Your boy? Softer than a 12-pack of toilet paper. Somebody please inform him that flapping your right arm at Brandon Bass is not the definition of trying hard for a loose ball in a game your team needs to lock up home court. Of course, the rest of Yao's team is an offensive mess.
On the flip side, there's a lot to like about Portland. Why, Hubie Brown is sleeping soundly right now and still gushing about how lovely the Trail Blazers play basketball like he did for two hours Wednesday night (despite the fact their opponent couldn't care less about the outcome, but I digress.) They're one of the best home court teams in the league; Brandon Roy is arguably a top-ten NBA player right now; there's good shooters all over the floor, a talented post presence in LaMarcus Aldridge, and a goof like Greg Oden who's trying really, really hard. You know, in general. That's, uh...that's about the best compliment I can give Oden (who also answers to Mr. Foul on Number 52, that's his fifth personal in about 12 minutes of play.)
But Houston, after all, is Ape Firmly Planted on Back Team Number Two. Somehow, it's survived the T-Mac crap through all this, and Ron Artest is now a team player. Yes, that Ron Artest. Throw in the Rockets' tough D, and I can see this thing going the distance. With the home team winning each time out, and that's bad news for Yao, who still has never tasted second-round glory.
Prediction: Baby Blazers in seven (B-Dubs: Hacktastic Odens in 6)
Like I promised, I'll run through my picks for the conference semis, conference finals and NBA finals before the playoffs tip off Saturday. THIS...is gonna be good. Can't wait.
. More Mile High Musings from the fan of one team flying Mile High...and of another team whose season might be over after one week:
FORTY-FIVE.
I watch golf two days out of the year: Masters Sunday and U.S. Open Sunday. That's it. Well, unless you count the annual Thanksgiving Drinking Game sponsored by 'Caddyshack'.
And to be honest, with many things to get done on my Easter Sunday (and no, hunting for eggs was not one of them), I probably would not have watched if the final round Sunday weren't for a certain duo being paired together for the final round.
What a tussle that was: two men, at the peak of their craft, dueling each other for optimum position with the hopes of mounting an illustrious comeback with the grand prize of one of those lovely green jackets everyone seems to be so worked up about.
I'm of course, talking about Rocco Mediate and Miguel Angel Jimenez.
So ... Lefty and Tiger. Phil and Eldrick. Sadly for Tiger, who thrives on imposing his presence on his tee time partner and destructing every ounce of self-confidence he thought he had at one point in time, he was paired with someone who just doesn't give a hack.
That was part of the fun, for me. Phil had an unbelievable start, and I think that kind of got into Tiger's noggin. Every time I get into a debate over the greatest athlete of our time - Roger Federer (me) vs. Tiger Woods (every last one of my friends and their friends and their mothers) - my biggest case is that the rest of the tennis tour isn't intimidated by Federer, despite the fact that Federer can physically do something to throw your game off. In golf, Tiger can't do a gosh darn thing about it if you decide to go off for a 12-under round.
But these friends of mine argue that nay, Tiger does get into his opponents' heads, willing them to play poorly. Well, friends, Exhibit A all over your grill. Mickelson just showed us how you ignore the guy in the red shirt with all the swooshes splashed over his attire and just PLAY. YOUR. GAME.
For their career in majors, when paired together, Tiger has posted the lower score 11 times, and Phil nine times. That's getting it done, whether it's Tiger, God himself (no, Jim Nantz, not the same person), or a weekend hack with a 30 handicap playing with you.
Gee, I guess I should say something about Angel Cabrera capturing his second major or Kenny Perry nearly winning one for the old fogeys or Chad Campbell somehow scoring a blonde chick that's waaaaaaaaaaaaay out of his league. Uhhhhh...congrats Pato, too bad Kenny, and you are the MAN, Chad.
Hey, keeping in line with CBS' divvying of coverage between Tiger-Phil and the rest of the players, that's all the time I have alloted for non-Tiger news.
FORTY-FIVE.
Okay, I admit it, I was a little nervous about the Nuggets choking away the division title tonight. You'll have to forgive me; I'm still a little shocked from the last time a Denver-based team hosted a patsy opponent with two games to go and needing just one more victory to wrap up a division crown, only to blow it and be forced to fly to their division rival's building for the season finale where they got CREAMED.
For those who aren't Denver fans and are not shaking your heads in disgust or reaching for the nearest pistol, barf bag or fifth of Jack, I'm talking about the 2008 Broncos.
But alas, the Nuggets are too talented this year to let it slip. Actually, on this night, they weren't; but JR Smith sure as hell was.
FORTY-FIVE. That's how many points JR hung on Sacramento last night, aided by a franchise record 11 three-pointers, one short of the NBA record. For his final triple, JR was being trapped on the right wing, about 30 feet from the basket and the shot clock reading two. JR was forced to throw up a shot that should be attempted under no circumstances by any normal human being.
Thankfully, JR is no normal human being. Swish.
I'm not about to go all Jack Bauer on the NBA award voters and demand JR win the Sixth Man award. Jason Terry has once again been magnificent for the Mavericks, and has arguably been more important to red-hot Dallas than JR has been to Denver. Arguably, now.
But anybody who thinks Nate Robinson (a ballhog for a crappy team) or Travis Outlaw (lesser stats than Smith in every important category) should get votes over JR needs to stop following basketball. More than anything else, I can't wait to see what JR can do in the playoffs...particularly if they face off with Terry's (and B-dubs') Mavs.
So now, the Nuggets head to Portland in what could be a meaningless game on ESPN, should the Rockets lose in Dallas Wednesday night in the first ESPN telecast. That would automatically lock Denver into the 2 seed, and the Nuggets may be able to rest some guys before the playoffs start Saturday.
Oh, man, is this exciting. Just a few days 'till the playoffs, and in a way, I'm just as jacked up for the playoff pairings to be locked in tomorrow night. Once they're set, I'll have a NBA playoff preview with segments on all eight matchups, and my composite predictions all the way through the finals. Early teaser: there will be a LOT of Cleveland involved.
FORTY-FIVE.
Well, the Rockies had a good season. For about four games.
Good, encouraging start to jump out 3-1. But our bullpen has been grossly and hopelessly overrated (we dumped Holliday for this guy??? REALLY?!?!?!), Cook and Jimenez are going to have tough years going up against the No. 1 and No. 2 starters on other teams, and I'm afraid our offense just won't be the same consistently for 162 games without Matty H.
I will say this, though: Ryan Spilborghs is a very capable replacement for Holliday in left. And it will be FUN watching Dexter Fowler grow. That's about all I can say for the Rox, who are destined for about 75 wins this year. Maybe 80.
FORTY-FIVE.
It was unbelievably disappointing to have a quiet weekend around the apartment, because nobody was ever around me when I saw any news about the US cruise ships getting bombarded by pirates.
Nobody was ever around to hear my super-funny pirate joke! It went something like this, "Yarrrrrr, mateys, we be on dar news."
Okay, I thought it was funny.
I was just under the impression that the only pirates still around are up in Pittsburgh, playing perennially bad baseball, that's all.
Fantasy Baseball Gripe of the Week: Chien-Ming Wang, really? 24 ERA through two starts? Are you really this awful, and should I just dump you now for Paul Bako while I still can?
Explain this one to me: I had five pitchers start for me today. Todd Wellemeyer (a shiny nickel if you can tell me what team he plays for) went seven strong, giving up just a run on seven hits, no walks and four Ks, for the victory in which his team scored just two runs.
My other four guys? Maybe you've heard of them: Wang, Jon Lester, Ubaldo Jimenez, and Mike Pelfrey. Humor me and throw in Brad Lidge as the lone relief pitcher who hurled for me today. Those five studs combined for 16.2 innings pitched, a 13.33 ERA, a WHIP way about 2, and no wins or quality starts.
In other words, fantasy baseball is EVIL. When you think about it, so is real baseball.
FORTY-FIVE.
Did I mention how excited I am for the Nuggets? And how excited I am for the NBA playoffs in general???
With the end of the regular season comes the end of NBATV, and likely, the end of Melanie Collins for this season. OK, so there is something tempering my enthusiasm. And that's all I have to say about that.
