Monday, September 20, 2010

The Dallas Cowgirls


All of you Cowboys sunshine pumpers on my facebook and twitter feeds need to shut up.

I know the Cowboys are my team, but for at least this season, we are done. I am going to take the next several minutes of your time to breakdown why the Cowboys are in fact doneskies. AJ, I'm sorry your Superbowl pick failed so miserably so quickly.

Here are three reasons the Cowboys are failing and will continue to tumble:

1) Jerry Jones continues to run this team into the ground.

Jerry Jones means well. He wants to win no matter what the cost. He is also a very loyal man. Ultimately that is what you want out of your owner. However, that is not what you want from your General Manager and unfortunately for Cowboys fans, he sits in both chairs.

Yes, we won three Superbowls with Jerry doing his thing. Most of that is because Jimmy Johnson was calling the shots and put together an unstoppable team. Jerry ran him out of town and a third Superbowl fell into Barry Switzer's lap when everyone stayed healthy and the Boys still had the core from the '92 & '93 teams. What has happened since then? One playoff win. Jerry buys the talent, but because of his ego and wanting to make all personnel decisions, the teams just haven't come together the way championship teams need to gel. He also has built the Cowboys into a brand, "America's Team," which only has made the target on their back even bigger. Thanks Jerry, the Cowboys now get the best punch from every team they play.

2. Jason Garrett is not a good offensive coordinator.

I mentioned Jerry is loyal, which is great as an owner, but not so much as a GM. For example, Jason Garrett called plays for a few games and was very good at it. Since he has basically been a Cowboy for life, Jerry decided to give Mr. Garrett a very, very nice raise and the position of "Assistant Head Coach." The problem here is that Jason Garrett is unimaginative, predictable and sometimes just downright stupid.
For example, in the opening game, there were several occasions when Romo threw a designed quick WR screen pass. The problem? Not only were these plays not to Miles Austin or Felix Jones (our explosive players) but some of them were to ROY WILLIAMS. It's fine if you want to try this play and see if it works, but to run it FIVE times in the first half and none of them gain any yardage, is just stupid. We didn't even mention that these plays were run against press coverage (the cornerbacks were playing only feet away from the WR's). In conclusion, Jason Garrett is not a good coordinator and the Cowboys won't be going anywhere but down with him at the helm. If you say otherwise, then well in the words of Lloyd Christmas "You are one pathetic loser."

3) The schedule is brutal

Before I get into the schedule, here is a generic statement that will define the season: The Cowboys did not get any better from last year, but overall the league improved. Think about the cupcakes from last year, the teams that you could circle a win. 5-11 and worse: Washington, Detroit, Tampa Bay, St. Louis, Seattle, Cleveland, Oakland, Kansas City. Only three of those teams has the same 0-2 record as your Cowboys and Detroit has looked much more impressive in their two losses (and should be 1-1). Yes St. Louis and Cleveland are pretty bad, but the Boys don't play them this year. Overall, there seems to have been a shift from bad teams to mediocre teams.

Lets break this thing down. Before I go game by game a few things to note. Last year the Cowboys had the benefit of playing the AFC West, an awful division and this year they got the AFC South in the draw. Also, last year they got the NFC South (went 4-0 against them) and this year they get the NFC North (already 0-1). Ruh Rowwww. That's not good. Let's go game by game.

At Houston: They have looked pretty potent through the air and judging by Cutler's performance Sunday, this looks like a tough win especially on the road. Loss.
Bye Week: Hey, they can't lose this week!
Vs Tennessee: Which Titans team shows up? The dominant team from week 1 or the team who can't beat a good defense in week 2? I'll give the Boys the benefit of the doubt just because they have two weeks to prepare. Win.
At Minnesota: Romo proved in week 1 that he needs time to throw and he won't in Minnesota. The Vikings are not THAT much worse than the team that crushed the Cowboys in January. Loss.
Vs NY Giants: I'm going with a split with all three NFC East teams. Let's just assume home wins and road losses. Win.
Vs Jacksonville: Could be the lone winning streak of the season. Win.
At Green Bay: Perhaps the Super Bowl Favorites on the road... Yikes. Loss.
At NY Giants: Loss.
Vs Detroit: Detroit has looked surprisingly good even without Stafford, but we have to win one game against the NFC North. Right?.... Right? Win.
Vs New Orleans:
The Saints remember last year and the Cowboys ruining the perfect season. It will be a sad Turkey day in Dallas. Loss.
At Indianapolis: Never bet against Peyton on his turf. Back to back games against last year's Super Bowl teams is rough. Loss.
Vs Philadelphia: Going with the split here too. Win.
Vs Washington: Could this be win streak numero dos? Win.
At Arizona: They can win this game. Derek Anderson is not very good. Win.
At Philadelphia: Loss.

Add it up. That is 7-9. SEVEN AND NINE! Some notes:

I purposefully set it up this way: 2-2 vs AFC South, 1-3 vs NFC North (Already lost to the 2nd worst team in that division), 3-3 vs NFC East, and 1-1 outside of those divisions. I think I am being reasonable with this breakdown, but it is the NFL and we all know anything can happen on any week. Could Romo throw for 450 yards on the Colts and the Boys pull it out? Absolutely. Could the defense step it up and shut down Houston this week? Sure. But it could go the other way as well. Could the Lions pull the upset when Javhid Best goes nuts? Yup. Could McNabb pull off a miracle on our turf? Yes he could. That is why you give some flexibility to our schedule. So my conclusion of the day:

I predict 7-9 for the Dallas Cowboys this season and the firing of Wade Phillips. The ceiling for this year's team with this start is 9-7 and the basement is 5-11. Either way, this is not a playoff team. The schedule is just too brutal, playing against the best division in the NFC (north), PLUS playing the Saints and Colts... the playoffs are not going to happen.

So go ahead all of you Cowboys fans that are still forecasting sunshine and butterflies next February on the field in Arlington... what say you?

Stay Classy,


Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Are you Feeling Kind of Sunday? NFL 2010 Predictions

NFL MVP: Aaron Rodgers, Packers
Coach of the Year: John Harbaugh, Ravens
Fantasy MVP (LaDainian Tomlinson Memorial best player category): Ray Rice, Ravens
Fantasy MVP (Ray Rice/Miles Austin Memorial drafted in the teens rounds category): Devin Aromashodu, Bears

AFC Offensive Player of the Year: Ray Rice, Ravens
NFC Offensive Player of the Year: Aaron Rodgers, Packers
AFC Defensive Player of the Year: Tamba Hali, Chiefs
NFC Defensive Player of the Year: Patrick Willis, 49ers
Offensive Rookie of the Year: Dez Bryant, Cowboys
Defensive Rookie of the Year: Sean Weatherspoon, Falcons

Comeback Player of the Year: Brian Urlacher, Bears
Due for a Letdown: Chris Johnson, Titans
Currently unknown player who will be a household name by January: Jacoby Jones, Texans
Star player most likely to be linked to steroids in 2010: Jason Taylor, Jets
Current starting player who will not be an NFL player in 2011 (Brett Favre category): Brett Favre, Vikings. Let's try this one more time, Bretty-boy.
Current starting player who will not be an NFL player in 2011 (non-Brett Favre category): Well, I was gonna go Matt Leinart, Cardinals. But now, he's too easy. Let's say Cadillac Williams, Buccaneers

3 teams to make biggest jump in 2010: Titans, Dolphins, Bears
3 teams to make biggest fall in 2010: Cardinals, Chargers, Bengals
First team to change quarterbacks in 2010: Cardinals. Seriously? Derek Anderson? Seriously?
First team to fire coach in 2010: Jack Del Rio, Jaguars

Best Game of 2010 (divisional): Jets-Patriots, Week 13, Monday night. Redskins-Eagles, Week 4 as an honorable mention. (Obviously, Packers-Vikings games remain overhyped yet always exciting.)
Best Game of 2010 (in-conference): It's so soon, but I kind of like Vikings-Saints on Thursday night. Ravens-Jets to open Monday night is solid as well.
Best Game of 2010 (inter-conference): Steelers-Saints, Week 8. The last two Super Bowl champs? I'm in.
Worst Game of 2010: San Diego-Kansas City. Second straight year they send the Chargers to play one of the AFC West dregs to give Mike & Mike a Week 1 Monday nighter. More like Weak 1.

AFC East champ: New England Patriots
AFC North champ: Baltimore Ravens
AFC South champ: Indianapolis Colts
AFC West champ: Denver Broncos. 9 wins should be enough. You heard me.

NFC East champ: Dallas Cowboys
NFC North champ: Green Bay Packers
NFC South champ: Atlanta Falcons
NFC West champ: San Francisco 49ers. 6 wins should be enough.

AFC wild cards: New York Jets, Tennessee Titans
NFC wild cards: New Orleans Saints, Chicago Bears
Best four teams to miss the playoffs: Dolphins, Vikings, Steelers, Giants
Who will be on the clock for the 2010 Draft No. 1 pick? Bills. Good group of running backs, and the defense isn't horrible, but man, what a monster division Buffalo plays in.

AFC Championship game: Baltimore Ravens beat New England Patriots
NFC Championship game: Dallas Cowboys beat Green Bay Packers
Super Bowl MVP: Tony Romo, Cowboys
Super Bowl XLIV champion:
Dallas 27, Baltimore 13