NFL Power Rankings

First off, everyone needs to try this game that AJ put up. I scored a 57 out of 64, see if you can top that.

Second, there are only 3 weeks left in the NFL regular season, which means: A) The bookies definitely know what they are doing now, so just put your wallets away (Did you see how many backdoor covers there were last week?) and B) There is no better time to start my NFL Power Rankings!

So without further ado:

1) New England Patriots: I don't think there is much question that they deserve this spot.
Most of these rankings will be one-liners but Brady deserves some stat love.
Tom Brady has thrown 29 TD's and only 4 INT's. He hasn't thrown an INT since week 6 (but HAS thrown 19 TD's) when he threw two against the Ravens, his Kryptonite. His other two interceptions came at the Jets in week 2. In that game he forced the ball to Randy Moss with TEN targets, and Rex Ryan's defense made him pay for it. They have looked unstoppable in the past few weeks against those same Jets and in a blizzard against a tough Chicago defense. They have home field all but locked up and they look untouchable in Foxboro.

2) New Orleans Saints: Why rank them ahead of Atlanta? New Orleans has survived many injuries to stars this year (Greer, Bush, Thomas). They are only one game back of ATL and they would be ahead of them and in command for home field if it weren't for Garrett Hartley missing a chip shot in their head to head earlier this season. Plus, Matt Ryan looks good but is unproven in January, while Drew Brees looks good and is proven in February. I'll take the Saints.

3) Pittsburgh Steelers: I don't care how bad that O-line is, Big Ben likes to have sex in bathrooms and also happens to be a beast of a QB1. Oh their defense is pretty good too. However, they got stomped on by the Pats in Pitt AND I am worried about the health of Polamalu down the stretch. (There may be a huge gap between NE and the rest of the AFC).

4) Atlanta Falcons: They will be tough to beat with home field, but I don't trust their defense or Matt Ryan until I can see them win a playoff game.

5) Baltimore Ravens: Ray Lewis and Ed Reed scare me, but Joe Flacco doesn't. I still think they have the best shot of knocking off the Pats, their defense always looks good against Tommy.

6) Philadelphia Eagles: Mike Vick and Desean Jackson scare me, but their defense has had some big injuries. Not sure they can play January football, but anything can happen if you put him in a game in Atlanta. THAT would be must see TV.

7) Chicago Bears: This team proved they can't play in the elements and they may have to with a divisional home playoff game. Their defense is good enough for this ranking. Julius Peppers can change a game by himself.

T-8) NY Giants and NY Jets: Both teams are too up and down for me. Jets have been flat as of late and won't have the aide of their strength and conditioning coach for the rest of the season, which concerns me. Giants have too many injuries and I am worried Brandon Jacobs won't be able to find his helmet for the playoff game.

10) Indianapolis Colts: Watch out for Peyton! Just when you counted him out. They are getting a bit healthier. Pierre looks like a WR again. They can make a run in the playoffs iffff......

11) Jacksonville Jaguars: MJD doesn't carry his team to a division title, which he can. I don't think this team can win two games in the playoffs, but they could win one, as long it's not the 2nd place AFC North team. It's funny that this team was desperate for a QB early in the season.

12) Green Bay Packers: Explosive at times, but they probably don't even make the playoffs. They picked the wrong time to lose their Pro Bowl QB and play the Patriots on the road. FlashOpinion: Isn't point differential the worst stat? +117 and might not make the playoffs. Jacksonville has a -36, but they WIN when they have to.

13) San Diego Chargers: Definitely better than Kansas City, with or without Matt Cassel. But too little too late. Antonio Gates where are you!

14) Kansas City Chiefs: See above. As Bill Simmons says, "I can't wait to bet against this team in the playoffs!"

15) St. Louis Rams: SAAAAAMMMMMYYYYYY! I rank them ahead of Tampa Bay because the Rams dominated that game. Damn you Josh Freeman! Sam Bradford has some pretty stellar numbers for a rookie QB.

16) Tampa Bay Bucs: Another team bitten by the injury bug. Another reason they are below the Rams.

17) Houston Texans: How is Gary Kubiak still employed? This team is loaded with talent on offense and the front 7 on defense. Yes their secondary is awful, but with their other strengths they should have more than 5 wins.

18) Oakland Raiders: If Al Davis was alive... I think he would be quite proud of this team.

19) Seattle Seahawks: Awful on the road. Either the Hawks or St. Louis will have a tough time against the wildcard team in the NFC. If Karma exists, then Pete Carroll's team should not make the playoffs.

20) Miami Dolphins: One name: Chad Henne. Run the wildcat every down and you at least have a chance. How does team have a winning record?

21) Dallas Cowboys: Well Jason Garrett has a job for 2011, I just don't know if that makes me happy or furious.

22) Minnesota Vikings: If Adrian Peterson doesn't get 40 carries with some guy named "Webb" at QB, then Brad Childress should be fired! Oh wait.... Fire him again!

23) San Francisco 49ers: Hey San Francisco! I think he has played well enough... yes, that is right, 2011 will be the year of Alex Smith!

24) Washington Redskins: Is there any doubt that McNabb is traded or cut in the offseason?

25) Cleveland Browns: Colt McCoy will eventually lead this team to the playoffs. It may be in 2015, but it will happen eventually. Don't worry Cleveland we still love you, even if Lebron doesn't.

26) Detroit Lions: Talk about bad luck. Will Stafford ever stay healthy? With any semblance of a QB, this team is close to .500. Instead they are the best 3-10 team in a long time.

27) Tennessee Titans: Randy Moss is a cancer (apologies to Charlie Villenueva). Oh and Jeff Fisher... you lost your team awhile ago.

28) Denver Broncos: I want Tebow to start so everyone can see how bad he is (sorry AJ).

29) Buffalo Bills: I'd rank them higher, but they play some games in Canada... so I didn't even remember they qualified for these rankings until now.

30) Arizona Cardinals: It is a bad omen when your QB's name closely resembles something associated with death.

31) Cincinnati Bengals: I just ran back a Carson Palmer interception for six. Can we nickname him "King TAINT?"

32) Carolina Panthers: If the Victoria Secret Angels were dancing in the Panthers End Zone I might watch this team play. Oh wait, they don't score, so I wouldn't even see the Angels. So ya, you couldn't pay me to watch this team. Just over one offensive TD a game.... beyond bad.

That's all for now. Stay Classy,

B-Dubs

Trivia Time: QBs and their Alma Maters

.
This is one of those trivia questions that requires three things: 1) time, 2) pen/paper, and 3) no peeking.


Name the 32 NFL teams, name the 32 quarterbacks who took those teams' first snaps on Week 1, and name where each of those 32 quarterbacks played college football.

I said NO PEEKING!!
Hopefully you can get the 32 teams on your own. See how many out of 64 you can get - 32 quarterbacks, 32 colleges. I'll post the answers on Friday.

-AB

Are you Feeling Kind of Sunday? NFL 2010 Predictions

.
NFL MVP: Aaron Rodgers, Packers
Coach of the Year: John Harbaugh, Ravens
Fantasy MVP (LaDainian Tomlinson Memorial best player category): Ray Rice, Ravens
Fantasy MVP (Ray Rice/Miles Austin Memorial drafted in the teens rounds category): Devin Aromashodu, Bears

AFC Offensive Player of the Year: Ray Rice, Ravens
NFC Offensive Player of the Year: Aaron Rodgers, Packers
AFC Defensive Player of the Year: Tamba Hali, Chiefs
NFC Defensive Player of the Year: Patrick Willis, 49ers
Offensive Rookie of the Year: Dez Bryant, Cowboys
Defensive Rookie of the Year: Sean Weatherspoon, Falcons

Comeback Player of the Year: Brian Urlacher, Bears
Due for a Letdown: Chris Johnson, Titans
Currently unknown player who will be a household name by January: Jacoby Jones, Texans
Star player most likely to be linked to steroids in 2010: Jason Taylor, Jets
Current starting player who will not be an NFL player in 2011 (Brett Favre category): Brett Favre, Vikings. Let's try this one more time, Bretty-boy.
Current starting player who will not be an NFL player in 2011 (non-Brett Favre category): Well, I was gonna go Matt Leinart, Cardinals. But now, he's too easy. Let's say Cadillac Williams, Buccaneers

3 teams to make biggest jump in 2010: Titans, Dolphins, Bears
3 teams to make biggest fall in 2010: Cardinals, Chargers, Bengals
First team to change quarterbacks in 2010: Cardinals. Seriously? Derek Anderson? Seriously?
First team to fire coach in 2010: Jack Del Rio, Jaguars

Best Game of 2010 (divisional): Jets-Patriots, Week 13, Monday night. Redskins-Eagles, Week 4 as an honorable mention. (Obviously, Packers-Vikings games remain overhyped yet always exciting.)
Best Game of 2010 (in-conference): It's so soon, but I kind of like Vikings-Saints on Thursday night. Ravens-Jets to open Monday night is solid as well.
Best Game of 2010 (inter-conference): Steelers-Saints, Week 8. The last two Super Bowl champs? I'm in.
Worst Game of 2010: San Diego-Kansas City. Second straight year they send the Chargers to play one of the AFC West dregs to give Mike & Mike a Week 1 Monday nighter. More like Weak 1.

AFC East champ: New England Patriots
AFC North champ: Baltimore Ravens
AFC South champ: Indianapolis Colts
AFC West champ: Denver Broncos. 9 wins should be enough. You heard me.

NFC East champ: Dallas Cowboys
NFC North champ: Green Bay Packers
NFC South champ: Atlanta Falcons
NFC West champ: San Francisco 49ers. 6 wins should be enough.

AFC wild cards: New York Jets, Tennessee Titans
NFC wild cards: New Orleans Saints, Chicago Bears
Best four teams to miss the playoffs: Dolphins, Vikings, Steelers, Giants
Who will be on the clock for the 2010 Draft No. 1 pick? Bills. Good group of running backs, and the defense isn't horrible, but man, what a monster division Buffalo plays in.

AFC Championship game: Baltimore Ravens beat New England Patriots
NFC Championship game: Dallas Cowboys beat Green Bay Packers
Super Bowl MVP: Tony Romo, Cowboys
Super Bowl XLIV champion:
Dallas 27, Baltimore 13

Super Bowl XLIV picks

.
The big game is on, and the picks are in. First, the championship game of the 2nd Annual Jump Around Remix Pick 'Em League Brought To You By Silk Gentlemen's Club:

Sunday, 5 p.m. CST, CBS
(3) Deej Jarvis vs. (4) Ben Worgull
Indianapolis Colts (16-2) vs. New Orleans Saints (15-3)

And for your consideration, here are a guest star list of picks. It's fairly tight right now...

Michael Bleach (Madison, Wisc.): Colts 41-35
Aaron Brenner (Davenport, Iowa): Colts 35-24
David Brenner (Littleton, Colo.): Colts 34-31
Matt Brenner (New Zealand): Saints 35-21
Stewart Brenner (Boynton Beach, Fla.): Saints 35-28
Sue Brenner (Littleton, Colo.): Colts 38-24
Brett Crawford (Bettendorf, Iowa): Saints 35-31
Mark Feeney (Davenport, Iowa): Colts 37-31
Dean Graves (Littleton, Colo.): Colts 38-34
Mason Harris (Boulder, Colo.): Saints 31-24
Rob Hernandez (Madison, Wisc.): Saints 31-27
Justin Petek (Brookfield, Wisc.): Colts 27-24
Andrew Petersen (Davenport, Iowa): Colts 42-34
Margaret Rabida (Corinth, N.Y.): Colts 28-21
Barry Riddle (Parker, Colo.): Saints 24-17
Joseph Rower (Aurora, Colo.): Saints 38-31
Kim Ryerson (Madison, Wisc.): Saints 37-31
Jordan Schelling (Madison, Wisc.): Colts 31-28
Len Shapiro (Boca Raton, Fla.): Colts 38-27
Gerald Smith (Colorado Springs, Colo.): Colts 31-24
Zach Sundelius (Oregon, Wisc.): Colts 34-27
Ben Walnick (Wichita Falls, Texas): Saints 31-27
Paul Walnick (Dallas, Texas): Saints 31-24
Ben Worgull (Madison, Wisc.): Saints 31-27

NFL Picks Week 4 (US Weekly Edition!)

I will lead off with just saying... Thank God I was raised in Texas (See AJ's post below).

Well we are starting this new tradition and I lucked out this week and get to turn in my picks even though I am a co-founder of the blog. Without further ado... my week 4 picks with each pick related to a celebrity.

Detroit at Chicago
Congratulations Detroit on getting your first win since 2007!! You wont be getting number two. No way you travel to Chicago and get a win at Soldier Field. I think Detroit could be described kinda like Gwyneth Paltrow... she was pretty good for awhile back in the day (her Shakespeare in Love era) but then we didn't hear from her for awhile and she made some bad movies (see Shallow Hal and Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow). But she made a strong comeback in Iron Man! Now we just have to see if she can stick around as an A-lister once again. She just wont get it done this week (and by her I mean Detroit).

Cincinnati at Cleveland
Its never a good sign if you are changing quarterbacks before the calendar flips to October. This one is one of the easiest picks, I don't care if this is a rivalry game inside the division... the Browns are bad. And check out the 2-1 Bengals, who (no offense AJ) should be 3-0. They are making a Robert Downey Jr.-esque comeback. They are definitely here to stay.

Seattle at Indy
Peyton doesn't lose at home to inferior teams. He just doesn't. Speaking of injured Matt Hasselback. He led his team to a super bowl appearance but it was a down year for the NFC. What has he really done that is so impressive in his career? Kinda like Ashton Kutcher... he is a real popular guy, his show Punked was pretty cool... but have you ever seen him in a movie that was above average? Maybe Butterfly Effect... but Amy Smart pushed that movie over the mediocre mark. Hasselback is always hurt and just doesn't get me excited about their team.

New York Giants at Kansas City
This is a dud of a game. One of the best teams in the league against one of the worst. Just a mismatch from the start. Which reminds me of a movie called "The Holiday." I was flipping through the movie channels and I stopped on this movie when I saw that Kate Winslet and Jack Black were hooking up. Seriously? Now don't get me wrong, I like Jack Black and Kate isn't like a top ten hot celebrity... not even top 20... but come on. Definitely a mismatch.

Baltimore at New England
Is New England favored purely on history and fame? Baltimore has looked like the best team in football... hands down. I like the Ravens in this game. They have played the Patriots tough in the past and they have the young gunslinger who is actually leading a high scoring offense in Baltimore! Who woulda thunk?
By the way, does Belichick really think he can just trade away or let his veterans leave and still win? This reminds me of the announcement of a Ghostbusters 3 with new actors. Like you can replace Bill Murray, Dan Akroyd and Ivan Reitman and have a good sequel... what genius thinks this is gonna work. It won't work for the Patriots either.

Tampa Bay at Washington (-7)
I have mentioned Kansas City and Cleveland as some of the worst teams this year. These two complete the bottom 4 (maybe Oakland in there somewhere). Two terrible teams... ugh I'll take the home team. But hell no I won't be watching this. This might be worse than watching Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez in Gigli.

Tennessee (-3) at Jacksonville
Desperate playoff team from last year playing on the road in a must-win game against a team that can't fill half their stadium (next to zero fan support). All of this means a Titans win. Jacksonville was good for awhile but now nobody likes them. The same could be said for A-lister Nicolas Cage. He made some great movies back in the late 90s: Con-Air, Face-Off, Gone in 60 Seconds, The Rock. But now... its always *Movie anouncer voice* "Nicolas Cage in enter a disaster movie here where Cage is a badass and has some power or ability that makes him valuable... this movie is terrible but people will see it because it's Nicolas Cage!" I hate him... and I think people are more in my boat than people that like him. Same goes for you Jaguars... you suck.Oakland at Houston
Al Davis has ruined a great franchise. Very easy pick here. Al Davis cracks me up with his old age and complete loss of control of his franchise. Its not the identical situation with Clint Eastwood, but he CRACKED ME UP in Gran Torino because he was so old and ridiculous but also so badass.

New York Jets at New Orleans (-7)
How is this spread 7? Should be 3. I'll be taking the Jets solely because this should be a great game and I want a chance at double the points because the Jets are such a big dog. Sanchez is like Jamie Foxx in Any Given Sunday... except he is white and not exactly a very mobile QB. But he has injected some excitement in J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS land. Just like Beamen did with the Miami Sharks.

Buffalo (-2) at Miami
Cry baby T.O finally gets a win. By the way, has there been a bigger rollercoaster than the Miami Dolphins. 1-15, then 11-5, and then what... probably 4-12? I haven't seen this big of a swing since Britney Spears popularity! Ba-da-Ching.... ok that joke has been so overused but it works... so go with it.

St. Louis at San Francisco
Good teams tend to rebound well, especially against awful teams (thats now 6 REALLY REALLY bad teams). The 49ers will have a nice rebound, but it does not rival the rebound of Justin Timberlake after he broke up with Britney... hitting up Jessica Biel and Scarlett Johanson in a 2-week span... SOLID!

Dallas at Denver
Dallas lost to a top-5 team by a field goal when they lost the turnover battle 4-0. I like my team and I'm sure AJ likes his... but they should have lost to Cinnci and beat... *gulp* Oakland and Kansas City. The Broncos WILL make the playoffs as division winners this year... but they don't beat the Cowboys on Sunday. Denver is the most handsome team in an ugly division. They are the Vince Vaughn of the Swingers group.

San Diego at Pittsburgh
Two teams that everyone thought would be powerhouses this year... that may not make the playoffs. I'll go with the home team here. Meanwhile Ben Rothlisberger is getting his Roman Polanski on. I just don't buy it though... I gotta think this is more of a Kobe Bryant thing. No way she wasn't willing to pounce on "Big" Ben.

Green Bay at Minnesota

I don't think either quarterback performs that well. Two really good defenses. My boy AD will do alright. I just think Farve can pull another moment if he needs to in order to stick it to Packers management. This is a year of destiny. I do feel bad for Rodgers though. I'm not the biggest Farve fan, but he is/was an all-time gunslinger. It's like trying to replace Sean Connery as James Bond... its a lose-lose situation for Rodgers. He is going to be a different type of quarterback and not a small-town down-to-earth (and selfish) guy like Farve. Whether he is Roger Moore or Pierce Brosnan... he is no Sean Connery.

Stay Classy,

B-Dubs

Big Ten AND NFL Power Rankings

.
WEEK 4 NFL POWER RANKINGS
1 New York Giants
2 Indianapolis Colts
3 Baltimore Ravens
4 New Orleans Saints
5 New York Jets
6 Minnesota Vikings
7 New England Patriots
8 Denver Broncos
9 Cincinnati Bengals
10 San Francisco 49ers
11 Green Bay Packers
12 Atlanta Falcons
13 Philadelphia Eagles
14 San Diego Chargers
15 Chicago Bears
16 Dallas Cowboys
17 Pittsburgh Steelers
18 Arizona Cardinals
19 Jacksonville Jaguars
20 Houston Texans
21 Tennessee Titans
22 Buffalo Bills
23 Seattle Seahawks
24 Carolina Panthers
25 Miami Dolphins
26 Detroit Lions
27 Oakland Raiders
28 Washington Redskins
29 Kansas City Chiefs
30 St. Louis Rams
31 Tampa Bay Buccaneers
32 Cleveland Browns


WEEK 5 BIG TEN CONFERENCE POWER POLL
1) Ohio State (3-1, 1-0 Big Ten; last week, 3)
Is 68-0 a good margin over a two-week period? I think so. Yes, the schedule has been fairly weak, but…well…68-0.

2) Iowa (4-0, 1-0; last week, 4)
I got ripped for daring to place the Hawkeyes as high as fourth in last week’s poll – I even got the ‘Homer’ claim. As if I’m, like, a total Iowa fan now. Oh well. I guess I’ll just have to let 21-10 in Happy Valley – and 21-3 in the final 58 minutes – do the talking. Kirk Ferentz’s defense is one collective tough customer.

3) Michigan (4-0, 1-0; last week, 2)
Careful, Wolverines. All it takes is actually losing a game like that to Indiana to not only plummet down these rankings, but also throw some serious ink stains into what has been a masterpiece renaissance.

4) Penn State (3-1, 0-1; last week, 1)
So, Joe, how’d that early-season trip to the cupcake buffet turn out for you? Just another example of teams not properly preparing themselves for tough schedules that matter. I should place the Kitties, like, seventh or eighth on general principle. But Daryll Clark and Co. will rebound.

5) Minnesota (3-1, 1-0; last week, 5)
Ryan Field: the land where football players can take an unimpeded nap on TV timeouts. Credit the Gophers for taking that licking at home by Jahvid Best and recovering to go 1-0 in conference play. But yes, I know Cal was exposed last week.

6) Wisconsin (4-0, 1-0; last week, 6)
I’m risking getting screamed at again for placing the Gophers over the Badgers. Fair enough. How’s this, Bucky Nation: beat Minnesota in its new beautiful home, and we’ll fix that. Deal?

7) Northwestern (2-2, 0-1; last week, 7)
Toughest place to play in the Big Ten, eh, Mike Kafka? The ‘Cats might find themselves down in an 0-2 hole if they don’t bounce back at…

8) Purdue (1-3, 0-0; last week, 10)
The Boilers were completely written off before the season. Danny Hope’s crew may not make a bowl game this year, but they are going to give a lot of teams fits before this season is through. Just ask Oregon and Notre Dame.

9) Indiana (3-1, 0-1; last week, 11)
A valiant effort in the Big House from the Hoosiers, who might have gotten “hoosed” on an interception ruling that appeared to be caught by both players (and thus should have been IU’s ball.) Not a bad weekend for football in that state, combined with the Colts’ domination in the desert.

10) Michigan State (1-3, 0-1; last week, 8)
Oof. Remember when Mark Dantonio’s squad was picked to finish third in the conference? Looks like Javon Ringer is being missed more than we thought. In other news, congratulations to Bret Bielema for incurring zero penalty yards on Saturday!

11) Illinois (1-2, 0-1; last week, 9)
Is Ron Zook the anti-Bo Ryan? Great, great recruiter; can’t coach ‘em up. To think Jaevery McFadden very nearly decommitted from UW by Zook’s wishes. Betcha No. 47 is glad he’s wearing cardinal and white, not orange and blue, right now.

Tom Lea puts his NFL Pick 'em fate in the hands of Jay-Z, Phil Collins and Neil Diamond

.
You've heard the saying, 'you keep eating those muffins, I'll keep baking them'? Well, if Tom Lea keeps churning out these ridiculously hilarious, off-the-cuff and sometimes insightful rationale columns for how he makes his weekly NFL picks, I'll keep posting them. I go to Tom Lea for my obscure music references. -AJ

Okay, obviously last week’s picks did not go the way I wanted them to. Not only did I finish last in my division last week in my 30-team pick ‘em league, but I did so with some really dumb picks. I blame it on the swine flu.

Anyway, this week I have a new plan to launch the comeback. And I am going to utilize some help from my 1,066-song strong iTunes library.

So basically because I am God-awful at correctly picking the right outcome with these games, I figured I could use all the help I can get.

So, my iTunes shuffle is on, and I am just going to randomly tie in every pick I make to whatever song pops up. Yes I expect to be fully embarrassed, and no, I will not be ashamed of it.

Let’s see how this goes.

GREEN BAY over St. Louis

Wow … iTunes didn’t waste any time starting off with a monster hit from the 80’s. Alright, I can work with this.

Yeah, the Packers line is horrendous, awful, despicable, vile and just straight crappy. But as Corey Hart would be the first to point out … they will ‘Never Surrender.’

Sure, they lost to a Cincinnati team that tried everything in its power to blow another game they had no business losing. Obviously that first game against Denver was the fluke of all flukes, but props to them for coming into Green Bay and knocking off the Pack.

Unfortunately, the result in Lambeau from a week ago will do nothing but piss off a Packers team that is ready to prove everyone wrong. Let’s just let Mr. Hart take us home with his lyrical genius. (Tongue very much in cheek with that comment)

“No one can take away your right to fight and never surrender.”

Pack wins going away.

MINNESOTA over San Francisco

I knew Phil Collins would make an appearance in this thing. I guess when you have 54 of his songs, it’s simply bound to happen.

Don’t get me wrong, I love everything about the 49ers. I love their jersey, their colors, their running back and their coach. And most importantly, I know they are 2-0 and Frank Gore looks poised to rip through the NFC West and elevate his game to another level.

But, I just don’t think we’ll see them go into that atrocious dump they call a stadium in Minneapolis and leave with a win.

To San Fran: “I see your true colors shining through. I see your true colors, that’s why I love you. So don’t be afraid to let them shine. Just show your true colors.”

Unfortunately, I think San Fran’s true colors reek of an overrated team ready to collapse. I hope they prove me wrong.

ATLANTA over New England

New England is old and simply not that good anymore. I know this will definitely come back and bite me in the ass, but I really think it’s true. The Patriots should have lost to Buffalo, and the Jets defense completely shut them down.

Meanwhile, Atlanta is a young and exciting team on the rise. Matt Ryan looks like the real deal and Tony Gonzalez is still doing his thing even though he’s, what, 75 years old now? Pretty impressive.

I think the days of the New England dynasty are over. Randy Moss is slowly starting to come out of his PG-rated front he’s put on since arriving in Boston and is about to explode in an expletive-laden tirade or simply moon the Foxboro faithful. They are falling apart and falling apart fast. So, clearly, if they want to right this ship, they should probably converse with a higher power.

“Tell me all your thoughts on God. Cause I’d really like to meet her. Ask her why we’re who we are.”

I think her response would have something to do with them being a bunch of has-beens with a weak defense.

(And at this very moment, I am sticking my foot into my mouth.)

TENNESSEE over New York Jets

Fitting that a song from Jay-Z’s new album would come up. I have done nothing but listen to this over the past two weeks. It's truly good stuff. Anyway, 'Venus vs. Mars' is a tough one.

Tennessee has looked awful and I believe the Jets are highly ready for a letdown. I know the defense is terrible, but I think the Titan offense will do some things against the Jets, especially in the red zone.

“Shawty get it in…”

I told you this was tough … and when the song has obvious sexual under and overtones, I need to cut that one off quick.

PHILADELPHIA over Kansas City

Fitting that Kelly Rowland and Nelly’s classic 'Dilemma' would come on for this one. How are the Eagles going to use Mike Vick? I have no idea, but I am very intrigued. Maybe Nelly says it best:

“And in no time, I’m gonna make this friend mine. And that’s for sure. Cause I, I never been the type to break up a happy home.”

Just picture Vick singing that to McNabb. It fits perfectly into the situation.

Even though I don’t trust Kevin Kolb, Kansas City is just too weak. Eagles roll.

NEW YORK GIANTS over Tampa Bay

Clearly I have 'Too Much Time On My Hands'. Giants will dominate the Buccos.

CLEVELAND over Baltimore

Here’s my upset special. How can you not like a team that has looked everything short of death in its first two games. Now, you have a rookie throwing both ice cubes and punches at his teammates.

“Don’t forget that boy I told ya, get that dirt off your shoulders.”

Or just throw ice around … I don’t care. The Browns will win. Count it.

HOUSTON over Jacksonville

Good timing, Shuffle … Texas is the home of country music, isn’t it?

I like Houston for all the wrong reasons. They have great talent on the team, but I live and die by the play of Matt Schaub, Owen Daniels and Kris Brown each week with my fantasy team.
Of course, the time when Schaub and Daniels go off, I take them out of my lineup. That won’t happen again. Oh yeah, and Jacksonville is horrible. Houston will win.

Please just “Don’t tell my heart, my achy breaky heart,” if you were to lose, Texans. “I just don’t think it’d understand.”

DETROIT over Washington

Wait for it … wait … be patient … hold on … aaaaaaaannnnnnnnddddddd. Yup, it’s official. I’m picking the Lions. (AJ's note: don't go TOO nuts, Tom. 13 of 18 people who have their picks in so far have Detroit.)

Damn it, of all the songs that could have played, 'Over My Head' by the Fray had to come on now … It’s a sign. And that’s why I suck at this. (AJ's note: no disagreement here)

CHICAGO over Seattle

With Hasselbeck hurting, I don’t see anyway the Bears lose. Cutler looked like he rebounded after a terrible first game and the Bears offense looks somewhat capable of moving the ball.

“Hands. Touching hands. Reaching out. Touching me. Touching you … Sweet Caroline (BUM BUM BUM), good times never seem so good.”

Don’t get used to these current good times, Chicago. They’re not going to last.

NEW ORLEANS over Buffalo

I don’t think it matters who they play, because when the Saints put up 482 points a game, it’s tough to beat them.

I think Drew Brees says something like this in the huddle every time the offense takes the field:

“Imma take you there, Imma take you there, so don’t be scared, I’m right here baby. We can go anywhere, go anywhere, but first, here’s your chance, take my hand.”

Hell, if I threw 5 touchdowns a game, I would dance 'Forever' too.

CINCINNATI over Pittsburgh

I’m on the Bengals bandwagon. “You all don’t understand, make me throw my hands in the Ayer, a, ayer, ayer, a, ayer.”

Anytime you come in and beat my Packers in Lambeau, I’ll drink that Kool-aid.

MIAMI over San Diego

Miami should have beat the Colts. Ronnie Brown is legit and the Chargers defense is shaky at best. Thus, Miami will win.

And plus, I am slowly starting to gain some trust in Pennington. But, as the great Phil Collins once told me - and yes, this is his second appearance in this article - 'You Can’t Hurry Love.'

I’m taking it slow.

DENVER over Oakland

Who would have ever thought that Denver would be playing for a 3-0 start. And man, if the Raiders win, Al Davis might just break out in song because his team would actually have a winning record.

But the Broncos will squash that idea quickly, leaving Davis to sing about the past.

“I used to rule the world. Seas would rise when I gave the word. Now in the morning I sleep alone. Sweep the streets I used to own.”

Coldplay is so versatile.

ARIZONA over Indy

Simply put, 'Dream On', Indy. You’re not going to stop those Cardinal wide receivers.

DALLAS over Carolina

What, since they have a new stadium, does Dallas get to play in every night game?

I really don’t like the Cowboys, but Carolina is just not that good. The Panthers will just be 'Another one (that) Bites the Dust.'

And with that, I’m out.

The Complete 'Tom Lea Musical Guide To Making NFL Picks and Reaching Your Pick 'Em Glory ... Except The Complete Opposite", now in stores (except not), includes the following songs:
-Never Surrender by Corey Hart
-True Colors by Phil Collins
-Counting Blue Cars by Dishwalla
-Venus vs. Mars by Jay-Z
-Dilemma by Nelly and Kelly Rowland
-Too Much Time on My Hands by Styx
-Dirt Off Ya Shoulder by Jay-Z
-Achy Breaky Hart by Billy Ray Cyrus aka Hannah Montana's Dad
-Cable Car (Over My Head) by The Fray (Denver, what what)
-Sweet Caroline by Neil Diamond
-Forever by Chris Brown
-In the Ayer by Flo Rida
-You Can't Hurry Love by Phil Collins
-Viva La Vida by Coldplay
-Dream On by Aerosmith
-Another One Bites the Dust by Queen

For the record, the following songs came on AJ's shuffle while re-posting this:
-Banter #3 by Dane Cook
-I Should Be by Dru Hill
-Keep the Faith by Bon Jovi
-Always on Time by Ja Rule and Ashanti
-U Don't Have to Call by Usher
-Miserable by Lit
-Home by Switchfoot
-Without Me by Eminem

That's a 2-disc, 24-song set. If you really want that as a collection...uh...I guess send $3.99 our way, and we'll make you a mix CD. If you really want.
-AJ

Week 2 NFL Picks

.
In 20 words or less, AJ's picks for the weekend (home team in CAPS):

The fish monster's team looks tough. USC backup boy's team does not
Raiders over CHIEFS

Steve Slaton, Andre Johnson and Owen Daniels? Too much for even the Titans
Texans over TITANS

I realize New England has defensive issues. Nothing like facing a rookie quarterback to fix those
Patriots over JETS

OK, I'll be a sonofabitch and re-quote what everyone else already said: "Child please!"
PACKERS over Bengals

Upset special of the week. Lions always play the Vikes tough at home
LIONS over Vikings

Drew Brees tosses another four, Kevin Kolb not good enough to match
Saints over EAGLES

Because my next-door neighbor and friend, T.J., might kill himself if the Dirties don't
FALCONS over Panthers

Will the Rams EVER be relevant again?
REDSKINS over Rams

Have fun playing a 10 am local time game, defending NFC champs
JAGUARS over Cardinals

Tough call here. Solid game potential. I like the experience over the frisky
Seahawks over 49ERS

Desperate team has gotta win here, or things are gonna get real ugly in western NY
BILLS over Bucs

Denver ALWAYS starts 2-0, builds up excitement...and then falls flat. Sunrise, sunset
BRONCOS over Browns

San Diego ALWAYS starts slowly. So why this pick? SD should be learning from this by now
CHARGERS over Ravens

Flip-flopped on this one. But Pittsburgh pass rush + sieve Chicago O-Line = battered Cutler
Steelers over BEARS

Oh, because it's the home opener, Cowboys CAN'T lose? Ummm...G-Men are pretty good, ya know
Giants over COWBOYS

Peyton Manning over an overrated team. One more time, since 85's from Miami: "Child please!"
Colts over DOLPHINS

-AJ

NFL 2009 Preview, Part IV

.
And finally, for your reading pleasure...B-Dubs' picks for this season. No homerism or anything.

NFL MVP: I picked this before he ran for 180 and 3 TD's ... Adrian Peterson, Minnesota
Coach of the Year: Jim Mora, Jr., Seattle
Fantasy MVP (LaDainian Tomlinson Memorial best player category): Adrian Peterson
Fantasy MVP (Chris Johnson Memorial drafted in the teens rounds category): Patrick Crayton, Dallas (I know I'm a homer... but without TO he shines!)

AFC Offensive Player of the Year: Tom Brady, New England (and Gisele of course)
NFC Offensive Player of the Year: Adrian Peterson
AFC Defensive Player of the Year: James Harrison, Pittsburgh
NFC Defensive Player of the Year: Justin Tuck, New York Giants
Offensive Rookie of the Year: Matthew Stafford, Detroit (Dallas area product)
Defensive Rookie of the Year: Aaron Curry, Seattle (Duh)

Comeback Player of the Year: Osi Umeniyora, New York Giants
Goaway Player of the Year (opposite of above award): Jay Cutler, Chicago
Currently unknown player who will be a household name by January: DeMeco Ryans, Houston (MLB for Texans... beast)
Star player most likely to be linked to steroids in 2009: Patrick Willis, San Francisco
Current starting player who will not be an NFL player in 2010 (Brett Favre category): Brett Favre, Minnesota
Current starting player who will not be an NFL player in 2010 (non-Brett Favre category): Shawne Merriman, San Diego

Team to make biggest jump in 2009: Seattle Seahawks
Team to make biggest fall in 2009: Arizona Cardinals
First team to change quarterbacks in 2009: Houston Texans
First team to fire coach in 2009: Oakland Raiders (easiest pick so far)

Best Game of 2009 (divisional): Vikings-Packers... a lot of bad blood before Farve... now its gonna be nuts
Best Game of 2009 (in-conference): Patriots-Colts in November
Best Game of 2009 (inter-conference): Steelers-Packers in December

AFC East champ: Patriots
AFC North champ: Steelers
AFC South champ: Colts
AFC West champ: Chargers (No surprises there)

NFC West champ: Seahawks
NFC North champ: Vikings
NFC South champ: Falcons
NFC East champ: Giants

AFC wild cards: Jaguars, Ravens
NFC wild cards: Eagles, Packers
Best four teams to miss the playoffs: Saints, Panthers, Cowboys, Dolphins
Who will be on the clock for the 2010 NFL Draft No. 1 pick? Rams

AFC Championship game: Steelers beat Patriots
NFC Championship game: Vikings beat Eagles
Super Bowl MVP: Adrian Peterson (150 all purpose yards and a TD)
Super Bowl XLIV champion: Vikings defeat Steelers 23-17

In summary, I think Adrian Peterson goes from a superstar to a pantheon-type player. He is a beast (see commercial below). I truly think he can break the all-time season rushing record this season with a competent QB at the helm. It’s hard to find many flaws in the Vikings and I think they can edge out a powerful Steelers team (if they can overcome the early loss of Polamalu).

NFL 2009 Preview, Part III

.
Less than 15 hours to kickoff!!!

Part III, just straight-up season picks. No need for explanation. Here we go.

NFL MVP: Peyton Manning, Indianapolis
Coach of the Year: Rex Ryan, New York Jets

Fantasy MVP (LaDainian Tomlinson Memorial best player category): Adrian Peterson, Minnesota. Just because it’s plain doesn’t mean it won’t happen
Fantasy MVP (Chris Johnson Memorial drafted in the teens rounds category): James Davis, Cleveland

AFC Offensive Player of the Year: Philip Rivers, San Diego
NFC Offensive Player of the Year: Drew Brees, New Orleans
AFC Defensive Player of the Year: Ed Reed, Baltimore
NFC Defensive Player of the Year: Jared Allen, Minnesota
Offensive Rookie of the Year: Knowshon Moreno, Denver. Had to pick something good for the Broncos.
Defensive Rookie of the Year: Aaron Curry, Seattle

Comeback Player of the Year: Carson Palmer, Cincinnati
Due for a Letdown: Larry Fitzgerald, Arizona
Currently unknown player who will be a household name by January: Glen Coffee, San Francisco. Davis from the Browns also applies.
Star player most likely to be linked to steroids in 2009: Brett Favre, Minnesota. You think I’m kidding. I'm not kidding.
Current starting player who will not be an NFL player in 2010 (Brett Favre category): Brett Favre, Minnesota
Current starting player who will not be an NFL player in 2010 (non-Brett Favre category): Fred Taylor, New England

3 teams to make biggest jump in 2009: Detroit, Seattle, Green Bay
3 teams to make biggest fall in 2009: Miami, Carolina, Tampa Bay
First team to change quarterbacks in 2009: Miami. Time to see what Chad Henne and/or Pat White have got. Carolina (Josh McCown) is another possibility.
First team to fire coach in 2009: Buffalo. The Bills will be 2-6 at the bye week, and Dick Jauron will be dismissed.

Best Game of 2009 (divisional): Minnesota-Green Bay, Week 8. There are NO other choices
Best Game of 2009 (in-conference): New England-Indianapolis, Week 10
Best Game of 2009 (inter-conference): Either Philly-San Diego, Week 10 or Baltimore-Green Bay, Week 13
Worst Game of 2009: San Diego-Oakland (why is this game on Monday night? No, seriously…why?)

AFC East champ: New England
AFC North champ: Baltimore
AFC South champ: Indianapolis
AFC West champ: San Diego

NFC East champ: Philadelphia
NFC North champ: Green Bay
NFC South champ: New Orleans
NFC West champ: Seattle

AFC wild cards: Pittsburgh, New York Jets
NFC wild cards: Atlanta, Minnesota
Best four teams to miss the playoffs: New York Giants, Chicago, Jacksonville, San Francisco
Who will be on the clock for the 2010 Draft No. 1 pick? Tampa Bay. Oakland’s division is bad enough, and Detroit should be improved enough, but the Raiders and Lions are good choices too.

AFC Championship game: San Diego over Baltimore
NFC Championship game: Philadelphia over Green Bay
Super Bowl MVP: DeSean Jackson, WR
Super Bowl XLIV champion:

Philadelphia 31, San Diego 20

Have a good one, everybody. Enjoy one of the best days of the sports year!

-AJ

NFL 2009 Preview, Part II

.
I lied. Three-part NFL preview? What do you think we are, nuts?!?!

We gotta go at least 4.

Here's Tom Lea with his Week 1 picks. Still to come: B-dubs and AJ with a season preview for the greatest league on earth, the National Football League.

Have at it, Tom. And way to use the same opening line as I did in the Part I post, haha. This was written Thursday evening, before the Titans-Steelers game.
-AJ

And so it begins.

Just a measly seven hours separate me from the (real) kickoff to the wonderful season of blocking, punting, groaning, bitching, whining, winning, Chad Ochocinco, beer drinking, hilarity, and Lendale White-dropping-30-pounds-after-dumping-Patron version of NFL football.

It’s been a long summer. The Brewers suck, my golf game sucks, not being a college student anymore sucks and having a job that pays just a tad more than a gas station attendant sucks. So, thank you, Mr. Goodell, for letting your league start tonight ... I need something to get me off.

By the way … Brett Favre sucks something harder than all of my life's suckiness combined.

So, without further ado, here are my picks for Week 1. And yes, I am expecting to get a multitude of bonus points for getting my picks in three days early. And yes, I plan on having an oh-fer at some point this season. C’mon, that was one of the highlights of this pick ‘em league a season ago.

THURSDAY NIGHT

Pittsburgh over Tennessee

Remember the last time a stud athlete was hit with sexual assault allegations? Oh, who am I kidding. I only had to listen to all those Eagle, Colo. references as the Lakers deposited the Nuggets into the bank of have a nice off-season last spring. (Editor's note: Fuck you, Tom.)

Anyway, my point is that Kobe Bryant led his team to the championship following that episode. Granted they got bumrushed by the Detroit Thugs (Pistons) in the finals, but the point is they made the finals.

So, I am picking the Steelers in week one and yes, I am calling it right now, the Steelers will return to the Super Bowl this season. They won’t win it, but they’ll get there. You’ll see who my NFC pick for Super Bowl contention and ultimate championship is later on in this piece.

And to Ben Roethlisberger…..I believe you. We just can’t trust women these days.

SUNDAY (aka the best day EVER)

Miami over Atlanta

What better way to start the opening Sunday than to do it with an upset pick. It’s kind of minor, but hell, it’s how I pick. It’s the Lea way.

Chad Pennington may have a noodle for an arm, but anytime that noodle transforms a 1-15 team to a playoff team in a division the Patriots play in, I will pick him over the Falcons any day of the week. Plus, Matty Ice is poised for a sophomore slump and he will kick that shitshow off in week one.

Baltimore over Kansas City

No-brainer….

Philadelphia over Carolina

McNabb, though he is the one who wanted Vick, feels the dog killer nipping at his heels.
He will be drowning in emotion at the start of the game only to see it hanging in the balance with a beaten up offensive line on the final drive. He’ll get it done with an electrifying performance in the fourth quarter en route to giving the Eagles the win.

Denver over Cincinnati

I have been watching Hard Knocks on HBO, and as disoriented as the Broncos are, believe me, the Bungals are just as bad, if not worse. This may be shocking to you, but in Orton I trust.

Minnesota over Cleveland

I thought about not picking the Vikings all year, but I decided against it. Favre throws 3 touchdowns and 2 picks en route to an easy 31-14 win. Excuse me, but I need to go vomit.

...

...

...


...


...


Okay, I’m back.

Houston over New York Jets

When it’s over, Houston will be the one delivering any Dirty Sanchez’s.

Jacksonville over Indy

Here’s another upset pick … call me stupid you will, but try me once, you’ll have to try me again twice. Wait, how does that go? I’m confused. (Editor's Note: what else is new)

New Orleans over Detroit

Believe me, I’ll be the first one in this damn thing to get the Lions' first win in 13 years correct. Count it.

Tampa Bay over Dallas

Yes, the Bucs fired their offensive coordinator. Yes, they have 31 quarterbacks on their roster. Yes, the Cowboys have “Mr. Dreamy” Tomo (See what I did there). But this will come down to a critical punt hitting the 3,000-foot long TV Mr. Jones put up above the field. Wait, I’m getting a call….

I guess it’s not in Dallas……fuck it. Go Bucs Go.

Arizona over San Fran

I’m not even wasting my time. Crabtree with 8 catches for 210 yards and 3 touchdowns…….

The GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE MEN over Washington

I don’t care, just wanted to type that out.

Seattle over St. Louis

Oh, how I love Interleague play. Pujols will go 3-5 with 2 dingers. Ichiro will have 2,183 hits, but the Cardinals still win 8-4 … Oh shit, this is football?

I guess Seattle will take it.

The Pack over Da Bears

And here they are … S.U.P.E.R. B.O.W.L. champions … I’ll leave it up to you to decipher if I’m talking Packers or Bears.

MONDAY NIGHT

New England over Buffalo

I hear this Tom Brady character is back. Personally, I thought Drew Henson was better.

San Diego over Oakland

Merriman is just going to choke out the opponents.

There you have it. Sorry for cutting it off so soon, but I have six proud fantasy franchises to attend to.

Until next week,

Tom

NFL 2009 PREVIEW, Part I

.
And so it begins...


The road to Super Bowl XLIV begins today, when the Tennessee Titans play the defending World Champion Pittsburgh Steelers in a contest in which even the towels aren't safe from harm.

Here at The Other B.S. Report (name to change again soon, in all likelihood. Don't wanna get sued by the Sports Guy's lawyers), we're looking at a three-part NFL season 2009 preview. The first segment has been so kindly provided by Quad-City Times six-pointer DJ Jarvis, who seems certain that Jay Cutler is the second coming. The second coming of what, I'm not personally sure. Could be of this guy, for all we know.

But I digress. B-dubs and AJ's preview coming before Sunday. Take it away, DJ.

Projected 2009 NFL Standings

NFC North
1. Chicago 11-5
2. Green Bay 10-6
3. Minnesota 9-7
4. Detroit 1-15
Other Predictions: Four 1,000-yard backs (Matt Forte, Ryan Grant, Adrian Peterson, Kevin Smith) and two 1,000-yard receivers (Greg Jennings, Earl Bennett) come out of the NFC North. Brett Favre throws more picks than touchdowns. And even though he will rush for 1,000 yards, Peterson will have a down year.

NFC East
1. Philadelphia 11-5
2. Dallas 8-8
3. New York Giants 8-8
4. Washington 6-10
Other Predictions: Like the North, every team will have a 1,000-yard back (Brian Westbrook, Marion Barber, Brandon Jacobs and/or Ahmad Bradshaw, Clinton Portis). Donovan McNabb will have one last great season. Michael Vick will catch 50 passes and score at least 5 TDs.

NFC South
1. New Orleans 12-4
2. Atlanta 10-6
3. Carolina 9-7
4. Tampa Bay 5-11
Other Predictions: Reggie Bush gets 2,000 all-purpose yards.

NFC West
1. Seattle 11-5
2. Arizona 9-7
3. St. Louis 6-10
4. San Francisco 3-13
Other Predictions: Kurt Warner is hurt by Week 5, but Matt Leinart carries them to a solid season. Michael Crabtree finally signs, and carries the Niners to wins in 3 of the last 4 games.

AFC North
1. Pittsburgh 11-5
2. Baltimore 8-8
3. Cincinnati 7-9
4. Cleveland 2-14
Other Predictions: Eric Mangini quits as head coach of the Browns during the season. Carson Palmer and Chad Ochocinco have a great year, but can't get over the .500 mark.

AFC East
1. New England 14-2
2. Miami 9-7
3. Buffalo 7-9
4. New York Jets 7-9
Other Predictions: Mark Sanchez has a good rookie season, but falls short of the playoffs. Tom Brady has an MVP year, he and Randy Moss hook up for 20 TDs to lead the Pats to the league's best record.

AFC South
1. Houston 10-6
2. Indianapolis 9-7
3. Tennessee 9-7
4. Jacksonville 5-11
Other Predictions: Torry Holt still has it. Andre Johnson tears the South up. Vince Young carries the Titans after Kerry Collins can't cut it.

AFC West
1. San Diego 10-6
2. Kansas City 7-9
3. Denver 6-10
4. Oakland 2-14
Other Predictions: LaDainian Tomlinson rushes for almost 2,000 yards. Matt Cassel shows that he isn't a terrible quarterback. Kyle Orton and Brandon Marshall do well, but defense lets them down. Oakland is Oakland.

PLAYOFFS

Wild Card Round
Houston def. Indianapolis
San Diego def. Miami
Atlanta def. Seattle
Green Bay def. Philadelphia

Divisional Round
Pittsburgh def. Houston
New England def. San Diego
Chicago def. Atlanta
Green Bay def. New Orleans

Conference Championship
New England def. Pittsburgh
Chicago def. Green Bay

Super Bowl XLIV
New England def. Chicago, 35-17
Super Bowl MVP: Randy Moss, 175 yards, 3 TDs
-DJ Jarvis