Petek projects this January's BCS bowlers

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We're halfway to bowl season, and it's time for Justin "Check, Please" Petek, resident Cheesehead, to gaze into his crystal ball and tell us who will be playing in which BCS bowl. Have at it, JP.

National Championship Game: Oregon Ducks vs. Texas Christian Horned Frogs

Oregon looks like a steamroller in the west. Hide your kids, hide your wife, cuz they’re beating everyone out there. The Ducks don’t have an easy path with road games at USC and bitter rival Oregon State, but they could win at Chuck Norris U. the way they are playing.

I project TCU to finish undefeated and use a high-quality road win at Utah to surpass undefeated Boise State and 1-loss Alabama to make the title game. This could come down to the thousandths place.

Rose Bowl: Wisconsin Badgers vs. Boise State Broncos

Wisconsin will land in the Rose Bowl as Big Ten champions via the head-to-head tiebreaker with Ohio State, who could also land here if Michigan State finishes 11-1.

After deep contemplation, the Rose Bowl will select Boise State with its at-large bid. They will not be obligated to the Broncos, since automatic-qualifier TCU is in the title game. An all-Big Ten Rose Bowl with Ohio State will tempt them, as will 1-loss Auburn, but Boise State’s undefeated record, high ranking, western location, and capable fan base will prevail.

Sugar Bowl: Alabama Crimson Tide vs. Ohio State Buckeyes

Alabama will valiantly climb the rankings and challenge for a national championship game spot, but ultimately fall short and head to New Orleans as 1-loss SEC champion after defeating Auburn and then Florida in the SEC Championship.

Ohio State will finish strong with one loss and get the at-large nod from the Sugar Bowl and another crack at a strong SEC opponent. Michigan State or Wisconsin could also land here if Ohio State wins a 3-way tie.

Fiesta Bowl: Oklahoma Sooners vs. Pittsburgh Panthers

Oklahoma will represent the Big 12 in the Fiesta Bowl after a hard-fought win over Nebraska in the conference title game.

Pittsburgh will land in Arizona as Big East champion, followed by a trail of profanities from the likes of Missouri, Utah, and Stanford, sparking a debate about the merit of automatic qualifier by conference.

Orange Bowl: Florida State Seminoles vs. Auburn Tigers

Florida State will be headed down to Miami as ACC champions.

Auburn will carry their #1 ranking all the way to Tuscaloosa, where they will fall, but remain a very attractive at-large selection for the Orange Bowl.

Tom Lea's Soul Crushed By LeBron James

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I would react to the LeBacle myself. But Tom Lea, a LeBron fanatic, said it better than I could. So here is his quick-hit reaction from the other night. Enjoy. -AJ

(Quick note: This puppy is about 2,000 words long. I just thought I'd warn you ahead of time.)

I'm not going to beat around the bush. I am upset.

But before I proceed, I want to make sure everyone that has any interest in reading my humble opinion doesn't take me being upset as me being irrational in the heat of the moment, or even something as harsh as being pissed off. Because it's simply not the case. In fact, upset really isn't the word I'm looking for. It's something in between being upset and disappointed. In essence, I feel like I was played for the past seven years.

I know I have no ties to LeBron and I probably never will (as much as I hate to say it). I know I am not one of his friends, his boys, his mentors or anything of that sort and I know all of you already know that I am nothing but a simple fan of his. So when I say I feel played, I say it knowing full-heartedly that nothing in my life is going to change because of his decision. Nothing he did is going to have any direct effect on my life other than the fact that I'll be watching a lot of Heat games in the coming years.

I am cognizant that there is a fine line between being a rational fan and one that gets carried away during major events (a devastating loss, bad coaching move, or in this case, a earth shattering free agent move), so I'm trying to offer a couple of thoughts that stem just from my fandom.

I don't want this to become a shouting match or anything along those lines. I just know my phone has been blowing up over the past hour and instead of texting everyone the same thing over and over, I am just going to type up my thoughts on this. Besides, it's much easier this way.

So here I go....

By packing up the bags and leaving Akron/Cleveland for the lovely beaches of Miami, I have learned a couple of things about my favorite player. And it's these things that have led me to be a bit disappointed. Since I don't feel like writing a book on the subject and knowing there are a million directions I could take this monologue, I'm going to limit my rant to just a couple of things that really hit me hard when he made the decision. Even though the fact that he's going to be in a different uniform, with different colors and a different surrounding hasn't really set in yet.

First of all, and I go back to my use of the word played, for the seven years LBJ has been in the league I have thought he was a man on the brink of accomplishing something special. He led an absolutely horrid team (the 2007 Cavs) to an NBA Finals appearance as really the only player worth a damn on the roster. Without him, that team probably doesn't make the playoffs and if it does, it leaves in the first round.

When I think back to that game in Detroit (Game 5) during the Eastern Conference Finals, I think of a 22 year old kid dominating NBA veterans to the tune of 27 of his teams final 28 points. And I remember him elevating his game to Jordan-esque levels and seeing his competitive nature wreak havoc on a stunned-and favored-Pistons team. That game, eventually a double-overtime win, was one of the more transcendent performances I can ever remember seeing. He was remarkable. He literally willed his team to victory (excuse the cliche).

And from that performance I thought I witnessed a sense of ability, a sense of entitlement and a sense of competitive nature being born. I thought LeBron developed the mindset that some of the NBA greats had. I thought he finally got that super-competitive drive that made him feel like he was destined to revive a city that hasn't seen any sort of champion in 50 years. I thought he wanted to be that guy. I thought he would do whatever it takes to deliver his hometown the glory that has been escaping it for decades. I thought he was up to that challenge.

That's why I always thought he would stay in Cleveland. That's why up to five minutes before the show tonight I said he would remain there. And that's why my heart sank a little bit when the word Miami slipped out of his mouth on national television. I realized that he didn't have what it takes to deliver a title by himself and the reality sank in that he needed the help of a couple of all-world players in order to accomplish something I (admittedly selfishly) wanted to see him do as the lead character.

I know that team will be good with those three running the ship. But I also know that in order to win, and to win at the highest level in the NBA, you need a full squad of five guys, plus about three or four more role players that give you things off the bench. For all the hype Kobe, Gasol and Odom get, they have guys like Fisher, Bynum and Artest doing work at their side.

For all the hype KG, Ray Allen and Paul Pierce get, that Celtics team—the one that held a 13 point second half lead over those same Lakers in game 7— would have never been in the series if it wasn't for the play of Rondo, Kendrick Perkins, Glen Davis, Nate Robinson, Tony Allen and Brian Scalabrine (I shouldn't have brought him into it, haha).

Who are going to be the nine guys that the Heat get at minimum contracts to support those three guys?

That's what worries me about it.

They say you can see a train wreck coming a mile away. Well, I see a train wreck headed for South Beach and it's about a year away. I just don't see it working. Five guys comprise a team, and for as great as Bosh, Wade and James are, they also have Mario Chalmers and Dexter Pittman filling out their starting five. Who? I know.....

During the show, LeBron made the point that nobody knew of the Rondo's, Perkins and Davis' of the world when the Celtics started their big three. And that eventually the big three helped mold those role players into what they are today and what they were in June. But they also weren't minimum contract guys that they had to bring in during the midst of the summer like the Heat are going to have to do.

Who is going to want to take those contracts, for the minimum, one year before a probable lockout? People need to get paid. I know that's not what it's all about, but for guys that are seeing their careers wind down, it might very well be. So it's going to be hard to win a title right away without the necessary parts in Miami.

At least in Boston, or LA for that matter, the parts of a team were in place. The parts to this team revolve around three players. And if one of them goes down (Wade) or they don't function as well as they historically have, things aren't going to go over well just because the pressure and expectations are going to be that high. It's championship or bust in South Beach.

Which leads me to my next point.

Probably more than anything else, I am saddened that all three of these players are going to have to switch their style of play for this marriage to work.

The thing I liked about James as a Cav was the fact that he had the ability to go off on any given night. He had the ability to do something truly incredible every time he stepped foot on the court. I suppose he still has that chance but it's not going to be as exaggerated as it once was.

Now, with those other two guys, he's going to sacrifice some of the things that made me absolutely love him. He's unselfish so it probably won't be that big of a deal, but I'm selfish and it's going to be hard to see his points per game dip to 21 or 22 a night instead of 30. He's an exciting player, probably the most exciting in the league, and now he's going to be tamed down offensively. As a fan, I feel like I am kind of being cheated out of his potential.

The same can be said about Wade. The way he recklessly does things on the court, the way he fills up the score cards, the way he scores the ball can all be thrown out because he's going to make sure everyone is involved. Essentially, we're putting a cap on all of the abilities these three players have showcased over the past seven years. And as a true basketball fan and a lover of the game, this makes me very sad. I understand these three can do special things together, but it will come at the expense of one of them, individually, doing something that will make my jaw drop, call my friends frantically, or relish the fact that I truly saw something amazing.

I know it's all conjecture at this point because we haven't seen this thing put into motion yet. But in a purely speculative manner, I am nervous that we are handicapping the potential greatness that all three of these players have in them. We are no longer going to see the same players—Lebron as a Cav, Bosh as a Raptor and Wade as a Heat? (not sure how that works)—instead, we will see a group of guys that are scared to take over the team at the expense of everyone else and at the expense of fearing failure.

That, in essence, is why I am somewhere between upset and disappointed in regards to tonight's developments. I don't feel as though I am being irrational and I surely don't want anyone thinking I suddenly switched over to a LeBron hater. I haven't. I still really, really like him and I am excited (albeit reserved) about his future.

In the end, the fact that he's going to be viewed as a villain by many makes me turn sour. He said it's a business move and I can understand that. I just think there were better options. Go to Chicago if it's truly about winning. Stay in Cleveland if it was truly about loyalty. Go to Miami if you feel it's your best shot at winning a title or multiple titles. So for that, I don't blame him.

I just wish he had been able to accomplish some of the things I know he is capable of as the main guy, the main attraction. I just don't like that he admitted his failure by bolting for the 'on paper' potential of a team of superstars. And I really don't like the fact that he is going to have to change his game to make this work.

I really want LeBron to succeed and I hope all the best is still ahead for him. I know this had to have been taxing for him and that it's a major weight off his shoulders. I just hope he isn't tainted by this as a player, although I fear he will be.

(Sorry for the length of this and for the weak ending. I am gassed and I wasn't really sure how to wrap this thing up. Thanks for reading.)

-Tom

Tom Lea puts his NFL Pick 'em fate in the hands of Jay-Z, Phil Collins and Neil Diamond

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You've heard the saying, 'you keep eating those muffins, I'll keep baking them'? Well, if Tom Lea keeps churning out these ridiculously hilarious, off-the-cuff and sometimes insightful rationale columns for how he makes his weekly NFL picks, I'll keep posting them. I go to Tom Lea for my obscure music references. -AJ

Okay, obviously last week’s picks did not go the way I wanted them to. Not only did I finish last in my division last week in my 30-team pick ‘em league, but I did so with some really dumb picks. I blame it on the swine flu.

Anyway, this week I have a new plan to launch the comeback. And I am going to utilize some help from my 1,066-song strong iTunes library.

So basically because I am God-awful at correctly picking the right outcome with these games, I figured I could use all the help I can get.

So, my iTunes shuffle is on, and I am just going to randomly tie in every pick I make to whatever song pops up. Yes I expect to be fully embarrassed, and no, I will not be ashamed of it.

Let’s see how this goes.

GREEN BAY over St. Louis

Wow … iTunes didn’t waste any time starting off with a monster hit from the 80’s. Alright, I can work with this.

Yeah, the Packers line is horrendous, awful, despicable, vile and just straight crappy. But as Corey Hart would be the first to point out … they will ‘Never Surrender.’

Sure, they lost to a Cincinnati team that tried everything in its power to blow another game they had no business losing. Obviously that first game against Denver was the fluke of all flukes, but props to them for coming into Green Bay and knocking off the Pack.

Unfortunately, the result in Lambeau from a week ago will do nothing but piss off a Packers team that is ready to prove everyone wrong. Let’s just let Mr. Hart take us home with his lyrical genius. (Tongue very much in cheek with that comment)

“No one can take away your right to fight and never surrender.”

Pack wins going away.

MINNESOTA over San Francisco

I knew Phil Collins would make an appearance in this thing. I guess when you have 54 of his songs, it’s simply bound to happen.

Don’t get me wrong, I love everything about the 49ers. I love their jersey, their colors, their running back and their coach. And most importantly, I know they are 2-0 and Frank Gore looks poised to rip through the NFC West and elevate his game to another level.

But, I just don’t think we’ll see them go into that atrocious dump they call a stadium in Minneapolis and leave with a win.

To San Fran: “I see your true colors shining through. I see your true colors, that’s why I love you. So don’t be afraid to let them shine. Just show your true colors.”

Unfortunately, I think San Fran’s true colors reek of an overrated team ready to collapse. I hope they prove me wrong.

ATLANTA over New England

New England is old and simply not that good anymore. I know this will definitely come back and bite me in the ass, but I really think it’s true. The Patriots should have lost to Buffalo, and the Jets defense completely shut them down.

Meanwhile, Atlanta is a young and exciting team on the rise. Matt Ryan looks like the real deal and Tony Gonzalez is still doing his thing even though he’s, what, 75 years old now? Pretty impressive.

I think the days of the New England dynasty are over. Randy Moss is slowly starting to come out of his PG-rated front he’s put on since arriving in Boston and is about to explode in an expletive-laden tirade or simply moon the Foxboro faithful. They are falling apart and falling apart fast. So, clearly, if they want to right this ship, they should probably converse with a higher power.

“Tell me all your thoughts on God. Cause I’d really like to meet her. Ask her why we’re who we are.”

I think her response would have something to do with them being a bunch of has-beens with a weak defense.

(And at this very moment, I am sticking my foot into my mouth.)

TENNESSEE over New York Jets

Fitting that a song from Jay-Z’s new album would come up. I have done nothing but listen to this over the past two weeks. It's truly good stuff. Anyway, 'Venus vs. Mars' is a tough one.

Tennessee has looked awful and I believe the Jets are highly ready for a letdown. I know the defense is terrible, but I think the Titan offense will do some things against the Jets, especially in the red zone.

“Shawty get it in…”

I told you this was tough … and when the song has obvious sexual under and overtones, I need to cut that one off quick.

PHILADELPHIA over Kansas City

Fitting that Kelly Rowland and Nelly’s classic 'Dilemma' would come on for this one. How are the Eagles going to use Mike Vick? I have no idea, but I am very intrigued. Maybe Nelly says it best:

“And in no time, I’m gonna make this friend mine. And that’s for sure. Cause I, I never been the type to break up a happy home.”

Just picture Vick singing that to McNabb. It fits perfectly into the situation.

Even though I don’t trust Kevin Kolb, Kansas City is just too weak. Eagles roll.

NEW YORK GIANTS over Tampa Bay

Clearly I have 'Too Much Time On My Hands'. Giants will dominate the Buccos.

CLEVELAND over Baltimore

Here’s my upset special. How can you not like a team that has looked everything short of death in its first two games. Now, you have a rookie throwing both ice cubes and punches at his teammates.

“Don’t forget that boy I told ya, get that dirt off your shoulders.”

Or just throw ice around … I don’t care. The Browns will win. Count it.

HOUSTON over Jacksonville

Good timing, Shuffle … Texas is the home of country music, isn’t it?

I like Houston for all the wrong reasons. They have great talent on the team, but I live and die by the play of Matt Schaub, Owen Daniels and Kris Brown each week with my fantasy team.
Of course, the time when Schaub and Daniels go off, I take them out of my lineup. That won’t happen again. Oh yeah, and Jacksonville is horrible. Houston will win.

Please just “Don’t tell my heart, my achy breaky heart,” if you were to lose, Texans. “I just don’t think it’d understand.”

DETROIT over Washington

Wait for it … wait … be patient … hold on … aaaaaaaannnnnnnnddddddd. Yup, it’s official. I’m picking the Lions. (AJ's note: don't go TOO nuts, Tom. 13 of 18 people who have their picks in so far have Detroit.)

Damn it, of all the songs that could have played, 'Over My Head' by the Fray had to come on now … It’s a sign. And that’s why I suck at this. (AJ's note: no disagreement here)

CHICAGO over Seattle

With Hasselbeck hurting, I don’t see anyway the Bears lose. Cutler looked like he rebounded after a terrible first game and the Bears offense looks somewhat capable of moving the ball.

“Hands. Touching hands. Reaching out. Touching me. Touching you … Sweet Caroline (BUM BUM BUM), good times never seem so good.”

Don’t get used to these current good times, Chicago. They’re not going to last.

NEW ORLEANS over Buffalo

I don’t think it matters who they play, because when the Saints put up 482 points a game, it’s tough to beat them.

I think Drew Brees says something like this in the huddle every time the offense takes the field:

“Imma take you there, Imma take you there, so don’t be scared, I’m right here baby. We can go anywhere, go anywhere, but first, here’s your chance, take my hand.”

Hell, if I threw 5 touchdowns a game, I would dance 'Forever' too.

CINCINNATI over Pittsburgh

I’m on the Bengals bandwagon. “You all don’t understand, make me throw my hands in the Ayer, a, ayer, ayer, a, ayer.”

Anytime you come in and beat my Packers in Lambeau, I’ll drink that Kool-aid.

MIAMI over San Diego

Miami should have beat the Colts. Ronnie Brown is legit and the Chargers defense is shaky at best. Thus, Miami will win.

And plus, I am slowly starting to gain some trust in Pennington. But, as the great Phil Collins once told me - and yes, this is his second appearance in this article - 'You Can’t Hurry Love.'

I’m taking it slow.

DENVER over Oakland

Who would have ever thought that Denver would be playing for a 3-0 start. And man, if the Raiders win, Al Davis might just break out in song because his team would actually have a winning record.

But the Broncos will squash that idea quickly, leaving Davis to sing about the past.

“I used to rule the world. Seas would rise when I gave the word. Now in the morning I sleep alone. Sweep the streets I used to own.”

Coldplay is so versatile.

ARIZONA over Indy

Simply put, 'Dream On', Indy. You’re not going to stop those Cardinal wide receivers.

DALLAS over Carolina

What, since they have a new stadium, does Dallas get to play in every night game?

I really don’t like the Cowboys, but Carolina is just not that good. The Panthers will just be 'Another one (that) Bites the Dust.'

And with that, I’m out.

The Complete 'Tom Lea Musical Guide To Making NFL Picks and Reaching Your Pick 'Em Glory ... Except The Complete Opposite", now in stores (except not), includes the following songs:
-Never Surrender by Corey Hart
-True Colors by Phil Collins
-Counting Blue Cars by Dishwalla
-Venus vs. Mars by Jay-Z
-Dilemma by Nelly and Kelly Rowland
-Too Much Time on My Hands by Styx
-Dirt Off Ya Shoulder by Jay-Z
-Achy Breaky Hart by Billy Ray Cyrus aka Hannah Montana's Dad
-Cable Car (Over My Head) by The Fray (Denver, what what)
-Sweet Caroline by Neil Diamond
-Forever by Chris Brown
-In the Ayer by Flo Rida
-You Can't Hurry Love by Phil Collins
-Viva La Vida by Coldplay
-Dream On by Aerosmith
-Another One Bites the Dust by Queen

For the record, the following songs came on AJ's shuffle while re-posting this:
-Banter #3 by Dane Cook
-I Should Be by Dru Hill
-Keep the Faith by Bon Jovi
-Always on Time by Ja Rule and Ashanti
-U Don't Have to Call by Usher
-Miserable by Lit
-Home by Switchfoot
-Without Me by Eminem

That's a 2-disc, 24-song set. If you really want that as a collection...uh...I guess send $3.99 our way, and we'll make you a mix CD. If you really want.
-AJ

NFL 2009 Preview, Part II

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I lied. Three-part NFL preview? What do you think we are, nuts?!?!

We gotta go at least 4.

Here's Tom Lea with his Week 1 picks. Still to come: B-dubs and AJ with a season preview for the greatest league on earth, the National Football League.

Have at it, Tom. And way to use the same opening line as I did in the Part I post, haha. This was written Thursday evening, before the Titans-Steelers game.
-AJ

And so it begins.

Just a measly seven hours separate me from the (real) kickoff to the wonderful season of blocking, punting, groaning, bitching, whining, winning, Chad Ochocinco, beer drinking, hilarity, and Lendale White-dropping-30-pounds-after-dumping-Patron version of NFL football.

It’s been a long summer. The Brewers suck, my golf game sucks, not being a college student anymore sucks and having a job that pays just a tad more than a gas station attendant sucks. So, thank you, Mr. Goodell, for letting your league start tonight ... I need something to get me off.

By the way … Brett Favre sucks something harder than all of my life's suckiness combined.

So, without further ado, here are my picks for Week 1. And yes, I am expecting to get a multitude of bonus points for getting my picks in three days early. And yes, I plan on having an oh-fer at some point this season. C’mon, that was one of the highlights of this pick ‘em league a season ago.

THURSDAY NIGHT

Pittsburgh over Tennessee

Remember the last time a stud athlete was hit with sexual assault allegations? Oh, who am I kidding. I only had to listen to all those Eagle, Colo. references as the Lakers deposited the Nuggets into the bank of have a nice off-season last spring. (Editor's note: Fuck you, Tom.)

Anyway, my point is that Kobe Bryant led his team to the championship following that episode. Granted they got bumrushed by the Detroit Thugs (Pistons) in the finals, but the point is they made the finals.

So, I am picking the Steelers in week one and yes, I am calling it right now, the Steelers will return to the Super Bowl this season. They won’t win it, but they’ll get there. You’ll see who my NFC pick for Super Bowl contention and ultimate championship is later on in this piece.

And to Ben Roethlisberger…..I believe you. We just can’t trust women these days.

SUNDAY (aka the best day EVER)

Miami over Atlanta

What better way to start the opening Sunday than to do it with an upset pick. It’s kind of minor, but hell, it’s how I pick. It’s the Lea way.

Chad Pennington may have a noodle for an arm, but anytime that noodle transforms a 1-15 team to a playoff team in a division the Patriots play in, I will pick him over the Falcons any day of the week. Plus, Matty Ice is poised for a sophomore slump and he will kick that shitshow off in week one.

Baltimore over Kansas City

No-brainer….

Philadelphia over Carolina

McNabb, though he is the one who wanted Vick, feels the dog killer nipping at his heels.
He will be drowning in emotion at the start of the game only to see it hanging in the balance with a beaten up offensive line on the final drive. He’ll get it done with an electrifying performance in the fourth quarter en route to giving the Eagles the win.

Denver over Cincinnati

I have been watching Hard Knocks on HBO, and as disoriented as the Broncos are, believe me, the Bungals are just as bad, if not worse. This may be shocking to you, but in Orton I trust.

Minnesota over Cleveland

I thought about not picking the Vikings all year, but I decided against it. Favre throws 3 touchdowns and 2 picks en route to an easy 31-14 win. Excuse me, but I need to go vomit.

...

...

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Okay, I’m back.

Houston over New York Jets

When it’s over, Houston will be the one delivering any Dirty Sanchez’s.

Jacksonville over Indy

Here’s another upset pick … call me stupid you will, but try me once, you’ll have to try me again twice. Wait, how does that go? I’m confused. (Editor's Note: what else is new)

New Orleans over Detroit

Believe me, I’ll be the first one in this damn thing to get the Lions' first win in 13 years correct. Count it.

Tampa Bay over Dallas

Yes, the Bucs fired their offensive coordinator. Yes, they have 31 quarterbacks on their roster. Yes, the Cowboys have “Mr. Dreamy” Tomo (See what I did there). But this will come down to a critical punt hitting the 3,000-foot long TV Mr. Jones put up above the field. Wait, I’m getting a call….

I guess it’s not in Dallas……fuck it. Go Bucs Go.

Arizona over San Fran

I’m not even wasting my time. Crabtree with 8 catches for 210 yards and 3 touchdowns…….

The GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE MEN over Washington

I don’t care, just wanted to type that out.

Seattle over St. Louis

Oh, how I love Interleague play. Pujols will go 3-5 with 2 dingers. Ichiro will have 2,183 hits, but the Cardinals still win 8-4 … Oh shit, this is football?

I guess Seattle will take it.

The Pack over Da Bears

And here they are … S.U.P.E.R. B.O.W.L. champions … I’ll leave it up to you to decipher if I’m talking Packers or Bears.

MONDAY NIGHT

New England over Buffalo

I hear this Tom Brady character is back. Personally, I thought Drew Henson was better.

San Diego over Oakland

Merriman is just going to choke out the opponents.

There you have it. Sorry for cutting it off so soon, but I have six proud fantasy franchises to attend to.

Until next week,

Tom

NFL 2009 PREVIEW, Part I

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And so it begins...


The road to Super Bowl XLIV begins today, when the Tennessee Titans play the defending World Champion Pittsburgh Steelers in a contest in which even the towels aren't safe from harm.

Here at The Other B.S. Report (name to change again soon, in all likelihood. Don't wanna get sued by the Sports Guy's lawyers), we're looking at a three-part NFL season 2009 preview. The first segment has been so kindly provided by Quad-City Times six-pointer DJ Jarvis, who seems certain that Jay Cutler is the second coming. The second coming of what, I'm not personally sure. Could be of this guy, for all we know.

But I digress. B-dubs and AJ's preview coming before Sunday. Take it away, DJ.

Projected 2009 NFL Standings

NFC North
1. Chicago 11-5
2. Green Bay 10-6
3. Minnesota 9-7
4. Detroit 1-15
Other Predictions: Four 1,000-yard backs (Matt Forte, Ryan Grant, Adrian Peterson, Kevin Smith) and two 1,000-yard receivers (Greg Jennings, Earl Bennett) come out of the NFC North. Brett Favre throws more picks than touchdowns. And even though he will rush for 1,000 yards, Peterson will have a down year.

NFC East
1. Philadelphia 11-5
2. Dallas 8-8
3. New York Giants 8-8
4. Washington 6-10
Other Predictions: Like the North, every team will have a 1,000-yard back (Brian Westbrook, Marion Barber, Brandon Jacobs and/or Ahmad Bradshaw, Clinton Portis). Donovan McNabb will have one last great season. Michael Vick will catch 50 passes and score at least 5 TDs.

NFC South
1. New Orleans 12-4
2. Atlanta 10-6
3. Carolina 9-7
4. Tampa Bay 5-11
Other Predictions: Reggie Bush gets 2,000 all-purpose yards.

NFC West
1. Seattle 11-5
2. Arizona 9-7
3. St. Louis 6-10
4. San Francisco 3-13
Other Predictions: Kurt Warner is hurt by Week 5, but Matt Leinart carries them to a solid season. Michael Crabtree finally signs, and carries the Niners to wins in 3 of the last 4 games.

AFC North
1. Pittsburgh 11-5
2. Baltimore 8-8
3. Cincinnati 7-9
4. Cleveland 2-14
Other Predictions: Eric Mangini quits as head coach of the Browns during the season. Carson Palmer and Chad Ochocinco have a great year, but can't get over the .500 mark.

AFC East
1. New England 14-2
2. Miami 9-7
3. Buffalo 7-9
4. New York Jets 7-9
Other Predictions: Mark Sanchez has a good rookie season, but falls short of the playoffs. Tom Brady has an MVP year, he and Randy Moss hook up for 20 TDs to lead the Pats to the league's best record.

AFC South
1. Houston 10-6
2. Indianapolis 9-7
3. Tennessee 9-7
4. Jacksonville 5-11
Other Predictions: Torry Holt still has it. Andre Johnson tears the South up. Vince Young carries the Titans after Kerry Collins can't cut it.

AFC West
1. San Diego 10-6
2. Kansas City 7-9
3. Denver 6-10
4. Oakland 2-14
Other Predictions: LaDainian Tomlinson rushes for almost 2,000 yards. Matt Cassel shows that he isn't a terrible quarterback. Kyle Orton and Brandon Marshall do well, but defense lets them down. Oakland is Oakland.

PLAYOFFS

Wild Card Round
Houston def. Indianapolis
San Diego def. Miami
Atlanta def. Seattle
Green Bay def. Philadelphia

Divisional Round
Pittsburgh def. Houston
New England def. San Diego
Chicago def. Atlanta
Green Bay def. New Orleans

Conference Championship
New England def. Pittsburgh
Chicago def. Green Bay

Super Bowl XLIV
New England def. Chicago, 35-17
Super Bowl MVP: Randy Moss, 175 yards, 3 TDs
-DJ Jarvis