NFL 2009 Preview, Part II

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I lied. Three-part NFL preview? What do you think we are, nuts?!?!

We gotta go at least 4.

Here's Tom Lea with his Week 1 picks. Still to come: B-dubs and AJ with a season preview for the greatest league on earth, the National Football League.

Have at it, Tom. And way to use the same opening line as I did in the Part I post, haha. This was written Thursday evening, before the Titans-Steelers game.
-AJ

And so it begins.

Just a measly seven hours separate me from the (real) kickoff to the wonderful season of blocking, punting, groaning, bitching, whining, winning, Chad Ochocinco, beer drinking, hilarity, and Lendale White-dropping-30-pounds-after-dumping-Patron version of NFL football.

It’s been a long summer. The Brewers suck, my golf game sucks, not being a college student anymore sucks and having a job that pays just a tad more than a gas station attendant sucks. So, thank you, Mr. Goodell, for letting your league start tonight ... I need something to get me off.

By the way … Brett Favre sucks something harder than all of my life's suckiness combined.

So, without further ado, here are my picks for Week 1. And yes, I am expecting to get a multitude of bonus points for getting my picks in three days early. And yes, I plan on having an oh-fer at some point this season. C’mon, that was one of the highlights of this pick ‘em league a season ago.

THURSDAY NIGHT

Pittsburgh over Tennessee

Remember the last time a stud athlete was hit with sexual assault allegations? Oh, who am I kidding. I only had to listen to all those Eagle, Colo. references as the Lakers deposited the Nuggets into the bank of have a nice off-season last spring. (Editor's note: Fuck you, Tom.)

Anyway, my point is that Kobe Bryant led his team to the championship following that episode. Granted they got bumrushed by the Detroit Thugs (Pistons) in the finals, but the point is they made the finals.

So, I am picking the Steelers in week one and yes, I am calling it right now, the Steelers will return to the Super Bowl this season. They won’t win it, but they’ll get there. You’ll see who my NFC pick for Super Bowl contention and ultimate championship is later on in this piece.

And to Ben Roethlisberger…..I believe you. We just can’t trust women these days.

SUNDAY (aka the best day EVER)

Miami over Atlanta

What better way to start the opening Sunday than to do it with an upset pick. It’s kind of minor, but hell, it’s how I pick. It’s the Lea way.

Chad Pennington may have a noodle for an arm, but anytime that noodle transforms a 1-15 team to a playoff team in a division the Patriots play in, I will pick him over the Falcons any day of the week. Plus, Matty Ice is poised for a sophomore slump and he will kick that shitshow off in week one.

Baltimore over Kansas City

No-brainer….

Philadelphia over Carolina

McNabb, though he is the one who wanted Vick, feels the dog killer nipping at his heels.
He will be drowning in emotion at the start of the game only to see it hanging in the balance with a beaten up offensive line on the final drive. He’ll get it done with an electrifying performance in the fourth quarter en route to giving the Eagles the win.

Denver over Cincinnati

I have been watching Hard Knocks on HBO, and as disoriented as the Broncos are, believe me, the Bungals are just as bad, if not worse. This may be shocking to you, but in Orton I trust.

Minnesota over Cleveland

I thought about not picking the Vikings all year, but I decided against it. Favre throws 3 touchdowns and 2 picks en route to an easy 31-14 win. Excuse me, but I need to go vomit.

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Okay, I’m back.

Houston over New York Jets

When it’s over, Houston will be the one delivering any Dirty Sanchez’s.

Jacksonville over Indy

Here’s another upset pick … call me stupid you will, but try me once, you’ll have to try me again twice. Wait, how does that go? I’m confused. (Editor's Note: what else is new)

New Orleans over Detroit

Believe me, I’ll be the first one in this damn thing to get the Lions' first win in 13 years correct. Count it.

Tampa Bay over Dallas

Yes, the Bucs fired their offensive coordinator. Yes, they have 31 quarterbacks on their roster. Yes, the Cowboys have “Mr. Dreamy” Tomo (See what I did there). But this will come down to a critical punt hitting the 3,000-foot long TV Mr. Jones put up above the field. Wait, I’m getting a call….

I guess it’s not in Dallas……fuck it. Go Bucs Go.

Arizona over San Fran

I’m not even wasting my time. Crabtree with 8 catches for 210 yards and 3 touchdowns…….

The GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE MEN over Washington

I don’t care, just wanted to type that out.

Seattle over St. Louis

Oh, how I love Interleague play. Pujols will go 3-5 with 2 dingers. Ichiro will have 2,183 hits, but the Cardinals still win 8-4 … Oh shit, this is football?

I guess Seattle will take it.

The Pack over Da Bears

And here they are … S.U.P.E.R. B.O.W.L. champions … I’ll leave it up to you to decipher if I’m talking Packers or Bears.

MONDAY NIGHT

New England over Buffalo

I hear this Tom Brady character is back. Personally, I thought Drew Henson was better.

San Diego over Oakland

Merriman is just going to choke out the opponents.

There you have it. Sorry for cutting it off so soon, but I have six proud fantasy franchises to attend to.

Until next week,

Tom

Soooo...they're NOT rooting for Mr. Wrangler Jeans?

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This is a little belated, but I did compile the information right as Brett Favre unretired for, what is it, the sixth time now? My only regret is my prediction of a Week 6 return was waaaaaaaaaaaay off base. How could I underestimate No. 4? Of course he'd make a flip-floppy decision in the course of a few weeks, not a few months.

In honor of my upcoming weekend retreat to the Cheese State for the treat of all treats - a live, offline fantasy draft (San Francisco Rockfish: Champ-ee-un-ship) - I thought I'd just remind the world of Wisconsin's disdain for Grizzly Favre by reposting a sampling of Facebook status reactions.

Nate Brenn "There's not a chance, from my standpoint. I'm going forward with the guys we have." - Vikings Coach Brad Childress, July 30, on signing Favre

Ben Breiner hmmm, Packers fans being delightfully vengeful toward ole #4. I approve

Kayla Hagens Ugh...go away Favre!

Katy Culver NFL.com - http://ow.ly/ksUv Favre about to sign with Vikings. Now do y'all know why we're sick of him here? #4=LAME

Nate Carey The only thing better than pro football is pro football with spite. Thank you Brett, I eagerly anticipate watching you flounder and fail.

Jordan Schelling "When I'm done, I'm done. And you can't go back." — Brett Favre

DJ Jarvis wishes Favre would just go away

Savannah Ziegelbauer hates that my boyfriend is a vikings fan, especially today

Mick Kelly can't wait to boo when #4 runs out of the tunnel at Lambeau in a purple uniform

Lindsay Chrisler ...Does he not care at ALL about his reputation? I know he just wants to stick it to Ted T. and it'll no doubt make for some amazing football games...but come on! Last year was one thing - I understood. This year hits way too close to home. We h.ad such a good thing Brett and you went and shit all over it...boooo

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Here's my two cents: first off, Lindsay makes an interesting point. I realize that to be a public figure, you have to ignore the critics for the most part in order to keep yourself sane - I get that as a lowly sportswriter, so I imagine that one of the most famous athletes in the country gets that too.

But, I mean...so precious few athletes get so attached to their city that they reach worship status.

Yogi Berra in New York. Derek Jeter's getting there.
Larry Bird in Boston. Tom Brady's getting there.
Kobe Bryant in Los Angeles. Manny Ramirez, for some odd reason, is getting there.

And then, you have those athletes who people literally feel attached to. We're talking about the smaller markets, because even the Birds and Kobes get swallowed up by the size of those cities. These select few athletes have become synonymous with that city's name because of what they've done for the local team and the community. I'd put Denver's John Elway, Cleveland's LeBron James, St. Louis' Albert Pujols, San Diego's Tony Gwynn, and Detroit's Chauncey Billups in that group, among perhaps a few others.

Finally, you have...Brett Favre. I lived through two Super Bowls in Denver. I've read all the books on Elway. I have two Elway posters hanging on my wall, and I'd count the Broncos as my least favorite Denver team through the years. Kyle Orton is STILL being compared to No. 7, despite there being three full-time, multiple-year starters (Brian Griese, Jake Plummer and Jay Cutler) that have separated Elway and Orton, and all three had success in Denver. AND THAT ALL BEING SAID...having lived several years in both Denver and Madison, the love and affection for Brett Favre in Wisconsin far, far, far, FAR exceeds that for Elway in Denver. The day Favre initially retired from the Packers, there was a physical pain in all the green-and-gold-blooded Sconnies on the UW campus. Many tears shed openly. I tried to feel that pain when Joe Sakic officially retired from the Avalanche after 19 years a few weeks back, but I couldn't. I'll never know how to feel towards an athlete like Packer fans felt towards Favre.

So that's what makes all of this really unfortunate, and why ESPN needs to stop sucking up to Favre's every move and start questioning why the heck he would give up his legendary status for one last flawed shot at glory. Lindsay and many other Packer fans will be forever distraught over why their Golden Boy ditched them, first for some random Jets team, and then, disgustingly, for their most hated rivals in Minnesota. It wasn't about money (he's got plenty of that), it wasn't about records (got plenty of those, too), and I don't think it's about just playing a little more football. Brett Favre doesn't play for the name on the front of the jersey. He plays for the one on the back of it. And that's plain sad, for someone once labeled an American hero.

Oh, I had one cent left to give. It's that I lived in Madison for about, hmmm, 15 minutes or so before concluding that Favre was kind of a jackass and was all about Brett and nobody else. So...you know...don't say I never told you so. Sorry, Sconnies. I'll be rooting against the Vikings like the rest of you.

-AJ