Thursday, October 1, 2009

NFL Picks Week 4 (US Weekly Edition!)

I will lead off with just saying... Thank God I was raised in Texas (See AJ's post below).

Well we are starting this new tradition and I lucked out this week and get to turn in my picks even though I am a co-founder of the blog. Without further ado... my week 4 picks with each pick related to a celebrity.

Detroit at Chicago
Congratulations Detroit on getting your first win since 2007!! You wont be getting number two. No way you travel to Chicago and get a win at Soldier Field. I think Detroit could be described kinda like Gwyneth Paltrow... she was pretty good for awhile back in the day (her Shakespeare in Love era) but then we didn't hear from her for awhile and she made some bad movies (see Shallow Hal and Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow). But she made a strong comeback in Iron Man! Now we just have to see if she can stick around as an A-lister once again. She just wont get it done this week (and by her I mean Detroit).

Cincinnati at Cleveland
Its never a good sign if you are changing quarterbacks before the calendar flips to October. This one is one of the easiest picks, I don't care if this is a rivalry game inside the division... the Browns are bad. And check out the 2-1 Bengals, who (no offense AJ) should be 3-0. They are making a Robert Downey Jr.-esque comeback. They are definitely here to stay.

Seattle at Indy
Peyton doesn't lose at home to inferior teams. He just doesn't. Speaking of injured Matt Hasselback. He led his team to a super bowl appearance but it was a down year for the NFC. What has he really done that is so impressive in his career? Kinda like Ashton Kutcher... he is a real popular guy, his show Punked was pretty cool... but have you ever seen him in a movie that was above average? Maybe Butterfly Effect... but Amy Smart pushed that movie over the mediocre mark. Hasselback is always hurt and just doesn't get me excited about their team.

New York Giants at Kansas City
This is a dud of a game. One of the best teams in the league against one of the worst. Just a mismatch from the start. Which reminds me of a movie called "The Holiday." I was flipping through the movie channels and I stopped on this movie when I saw that Kate Winslet and Jack Black were hooking up. Seriously? Now don't get me wrong, I like Jack Black and Kate isn't like a top ten hot celebrity... not even top 20... but come on. Definitely a mismatch.

Baltimore at New England
Is New England favored purely on history and fame? Baltimore has looked like the best team in football... hands down. I like the Ravens in this game. They have played the Patriots tough in the past and they have the young gunslinger who is actually leading a high scoring offense in Baltimore! Who woulda thunk?
By the way, does Belichick really think he can just trade away or let his veterans leave and still win? This reminds me of the announcement of a Ghostbusters 3 with new actors. Like you can replace Bill Murray, Dan Akroyd and Ivan Reitman and have a good sequel... what genius thinks this is gonna work. It won't work for the Patriots either.

Tampa Bay at Washington (-7)
I have mentioned Kansas City and Cleveland as some of the worst teams this year. These two complete the bottom 4 (maybe Oakland in there somewhere). Two terrible teams... ugh I'll take the home team. But hell no I won't be watching this. This might be worse than watching Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez in Gigli.

Tennessee (-3) at Jacksonville
Desperate playoff team from last year playing on the road in a must-win game against a team that can't fill half their stadium (next to zero fan support). All of this means a Titans win. Jacksonville was good for awhile but now nobody likes them. The same could be said for A-lister Nicolas Cage. He made some great movies back in the late 90s: Con-Air, Face-Off, Gone in 60 Seconds, The Rock. But now... its always *Movie anouncer voice* "Nicolas Cage in enter a disaster movie here where Cage is a badass and has some power or ability that makes him valuable... this movie is terrible but people will see it because it's Nicolas Cage!" I hate him... and I think people are more in my boat than people that like him. Same goes for you Jaguars... you suck.Oakland at Houston
Al Davis has ruined a great franchise. Very easy pick here. Al Davis cracks me up with his old age and complete loss of control of his franchise. Its not the identical situation with Clint Eastwood, but he CRACKED ME UP in Gran Torino because he was so old and ridiculous but also so badass.

New York Jets at New Orleans (-7)
How is this spread 7? Should be 3. I'll be taking the Jets solely because this should be a great game and I want a chance at double the points because the Jets are such a big dog. Sanchez is like Jamie Foxx in Any Given Sunday... except he is white and not exactly a very mobile QB. But he has injected some excitement in J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS land. Just like Beamen did with the Miami Sharks.

Buffalo (-2) at Miami
Cry baby T.O finally gets a win. By the way, has there been a bigger rollercoaster than the Miami Dolphins. 1-15, then 11-5, and then what... probably 4-12? I haven't seen this big of a swing since Britney Spears popularity! Ba-da-Ching.... ok that joke has been so overused but it works... so go with it.

St. Louis at San Francisco
Good teams tend to rebound well, especially against awful teams (thats now 6 REALLY REALLY bad teams). The 49ers will have a nice rebound, but it does not rival the rebound of Justin Timberlake after he broke up with Britney... hitting up Jessica Biel and Scarlett Johanson in a 2-week span... SOLID!

Dallas at Denver
Dallas lost to a top-5 team by a field goal when they lost the turnover battle 4-0. I like my team and I'm sure AJ likes his... but they should have lost to Cinnci and beat... *gulp* Oakland and Kansas City. The Broncos WILL make the playoffs as division winners this year... but they don't beat the Cowboys on Sunday. Denver is the most handsome team in an ugly division. They are the Vince Vaughn of the Swingers group.

San Diego at Pittsburgh
Two teams that everyone thought would be powerhouses this year... that may not make the playoffs. I'll go with the home team here. Meanwhile Ben Rothlisberger is getting his Roman Polanski on. I just don't buy it though... I gotta think this is more of a Kobe Bryant thing. No way she wasn't willing to pounce on "Big" Ben.

Green Bay at Minnesota
I don't think either quarterback performs that well. Two really good defenses. My boy AD will do alright. I just think Farve can pull another moment if he needs to in order to stick it to Packers management. This is a year of destiny. I do feel bad for Rodgers though. I'm not the biggest Farve fan, but he is/was an all-time gunslinger. It's like trying to replace Sean Connery as James Bond... its a lose-lose situation for Rodgers. He is going to be a different type of quarterback and not a small-town down-to-earth (and selfish) guy like Farve. Whether he is Roger Moore or Pierce Brosnan... he is no Sean Connery.

Stay Classy,


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