Twenty-Two Birthday Wishes for the Sporting World ... masquerading as yet another Case of the Mondays

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A belated Double Deuce - er, double dose - of swine-flu-free Mile High Musings, comprised of 22 wishes I made on my birthday last Sunday or sometime since…

I wish people would stop throwing newspapers on their deathbeds. The business model is broken, sure. But the world will always need watchdogs, always need political writers, always need football beat writers, always need movie critics, and always need their crossword, comics and Sudoku. So blogs are gonna take over, huh? Most blogs couldn’t exist without the information ascertained from real journalists.

Maybe newspapers won’t be in the form of rolled-up broadsheets which double as flyswatters or birdcage liners, but online newspapers are still newspapers nonetheless. So cry for your paperboy, but nothing else. Saying that aspiring journalists should give up because of expiring newspapers is like saying that the music industry was dead when records gave way to compact discs, and then to mp3 files. Same product, different format.

I wish someone would explain the allure of Twitter to me. Isn’t it basically Facebook’s status updates…and that’s it? Oh, so you can garner “subscribers” in some sort of self-competitive nature. Uh, same motivation as gobbling up Facebook “friends”, right? So Twitter basically stole 2 percent of the things you can do on Facebook, and is operating a multi-million dollar business off of it? No thanks. I gave in to Facebook (not that it took that much persuasion) and I gave in to blogging (obviously); I don’t see myself ever giving in to Twitter. Tweet that, why don’t you.

I wish the NBA creates a flopping foul in the next two years. And it counts as two personals on your way to six and fouling out. Like a technical: the opposing team gets two throws and the ball. I’m sick of watching players get barely touched, only to instinctively throw their hands up in the air like those Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm-Waving Tube Men.

I wish Curt Phillips wins the starting gig this fall over Dustin Sherer. Nothing wrong with Dustin, he’s a nice kid and an improving player, but for the long-term sake of the program, Wisconsin football needs to get at least a half-season’s worth of starts out of the Tennessee dual-threat product.

I wish baseball were a wee bit more predictable. As I wake up on Monday morning, I look at the standings and see four division leaders (Toronto, Kansas City, Seattle and St. Louis) that finished in fourth place last season; besides, of the seven teams that sit three games or more above .500, only the Dodgers and Red Sox played in October last season.

But hey, at least I nailed Matt Holliday as the most overrated player in MLB. And my fantasy team is back to .500. So things aren’t all bad. Of course, Matty H is on said fantasy team. Oh well.

I wish to change my preseason playoff picks: Toronto, Kansas City, Seattle, Detroit, Florida, St. Louis, San Francisco, Cincinnati. Oh, that’s not who I think will win division or wild card crowns. It’s who I want to win. Because that’d be wicked funny to watch money-hungry MLB stick that in its big-market pipe and smoke it.

I wish only the best for Chase Daniel and Graham Harrell as undrafted free agents. Go prove a bunch of teams wrong, guys.

I wish Alex Rodriguez would go away. You too, Brett Favre. But it looks like the latter might not go so easily (note: read the last three paragraphs, in particular).

I wish to put the following video on my blog. Because it is humorous and may slightly resemble my own life. (The “we like sports” part, not the “I’m gonna sit three inches away from my best bud in the hottub” part)



I wish, retroactively, that my first three Mifflins had had such gorgeous weather as my last one. Then again, I feel lucky that the fourth and final Mifflin Block Party – the only one during which I lived on the freaking street – welcomed perfect sunny skies and warm temperatures throughout the afternoon.

I wish I had more time to enjoy Madison, Wisconsin. I spent my first three years here itching to get out and start that first job, figuring college was just a four-year footprint on my way to “the pros.” But senior year, I realized how much fun this place (and any college experience) is. Would’ve been nice to learn that two years ago. Current froshies and sophs, take note.

I wish T-Mobile would clear up why I’ve watched that same damn Dwight Howard-Dwayne Wade commercial 263 times, and still don’t understand why a video game injury would affect Howard’s life in any way, shape or form. And while we’re at it, just who the heck is that old white guy using the walker and talking trash to Barkley in the “Old School” commercial? These things eat at me.

On the other hand, I wish I was as cool as that Dos Equis guy. I may not be the most interesting man in the world, but my reputation is too expanding faster than the universe. And I too once had an awkward moment just to see how it feels. I, too, live vicariously through myself. Stay thirsty, my friends.



I wish Barry Alvarez would enlighten us as to what he’s thinking up there in that big fancy office of his. I thought the idea was to let Lisa Stone’s contract run out, rather than buying her out since it doesn’t make sense to pay two coaches for a non-revenue program. Fine. But extending her a season? And defending Stone by saying her “team was very close to having an outstanding year”, during a 6-12 conference season? This is a coach that not only had the most prolific scorer in UW men’s or women’s basketball history and failed to reach a single NCAA tournament (in fact, Stone still hasn’t brought her team Dancing in her six years here), but also has had numerous players leave the program (four of which I’ve actually met personally … I’m sure there are others).

I don’t understand the move. Neither do any of my Wisconsin sportswriting brethren. Neither do the fans, who commented on the Cap Times’ story. Neither do two of those ex-players still on campus. But hey, if Barry signed off on it, he must be right, right?

I wish I loved the NHL playoffs more. Numerous people have complained about a lack of playoff hockey coverage on this blog. I wish I could get into it, but I can’t! It doesn’t help that I live in a NHL-less state. Well, if anyone would like to produce coverage on the playoffs, let me know and we’ll be happy to post any work on it.

I wish this Denver Nuggets run would never end. No, seriously. Can they just play all the way through the summer? During their Game 1 thrashing of the Mavericks (give Dallas credit, though, they hung in there for three quarters and change), I figured out why I love the Nuggets more than any other team in sports: win or lose, George Karl’s guys make at least three or four plays every game that make you leap out of your chair and cheer or fist pump or unleash a tribal scream (you know, for playoff time). They’re just so darn fun to watch.

And I wish some NBA expert would explain to me why the Nuggets can’t beat the Lakers. Some guys are coming around, but apparently not our own Denver alumnus, Jon Barry (he said at halftime today the Nuggets can “absolutely not” touch the Lakers).

While I’m at it, I wish the Lakers do beat the Rockets in their series. In fact, I hope they thump them real good. In four games, seven games, whatever. Just make sure LA matches up with Denver. I’d hate for Houston to steal our prize.

Bring. On. L.A.

This isn’t a wish, but can you Nuggets fans believe that just 10½ months ago, this was happening??? We almost had neither Carmelo nor Chauncey. Now we have both. As Kanye says, “it’s amazing, so amazing.”

I wish, if I were to land a TV job somewhere in a hypothetical situation, it is with TNT’s ‘Inside the NBA’ with EJ, Kenny and Chuck. Those who have watched this ridiculously entertaining show need no further explanation. If you haven’t, well, YouTube it. My petty words cannot do it justice. Here’s some help…



I wish to amend this statement I wrote in a Badger Herald column three years ago, in my first-ever birthday column: “I wish Bret Bielema a successful first season. Hard to say about his ability as a head coach just yet, but he’s one of the nicest guys I’ve met in sports.” Ummmm…wow. Just wow. I have no comment beyond that. You guys who have covered UW football with me know what I’m talking about.

Speaking of that old column, I wish for a Lakers cheerleader. Four years running, still nothing. I’ll keep wishin’.

And more than anything else, I wish my unemployed title is lifted in the next week or so. Crossing my fingers…hey, can’t a guy wish for something realistic that he actually has control over?

And that’s all I have to say about that. Due to a certain Thursday event involving the above statement, I’ll only have one more blog post – my Sportsmen of April – for the rest of the week. Wish me luck!

Have a good one.

-AJ

We Are...Columbine and more Case of the Mondays

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Mile High Musings on a Monday morning hangover from a great, great NBA weekend with excitement that’s overshadowed only by sorrowed memories on this 10th anniversary of one of the greatest tragedies in American history.

I went to Chatfield Senior High, the (former) rival school of Columbine High School. Ten years ago, on April 20, 1999, I think everybody's life was changed forever: students and teachers, children teenagers and adults, Coloradans and all Americans. I didn't personally know anybody involved with the attacks, though I have several friends who knew students that witnessed the attacks or were injured during Columbine.

The week that it happend, the entire Bradford Elementary sixth grade was in southwestern Colorado at Crow Canyon, near the four corners. I'll never forget the teachers calling us into a large meeting room just after dark and Ms. Auger telling us what news they had received - "Today was a terrible day for Denver", she began. I'll never forget the hush that fell over the room as Ms. Auger divulged the details, telling us with a crack in her voice that our school and schools around Jefferson County were on lockdown and that everyone at our school was safe. I'll really never forget being scared out of my you-know-what thinking about my little brothers, Matt and Dan, who were fourth-graders at Bradford that day and kept locked inside the school until the coast was announced as clear. I'll never forget how shocked everybody was, the tears shed that night (and remember, these were 12-year-olds, a few years away from high school). And most importantly, I'll never forget the impact Columbine had on all of us in the Jeffco community, and I'm sure the same goes for schools and cities around the country.

We love you, Columbine, and will never forget.

Just for today, the blog will be navy blue, Columbine's primary color...so please forgive anything that's hard to read.

Now on to the Musings…

• Ranking the eight NBA series from least interesting to most interesting, taking into account each of the Game Ones from the weekend…
  8. Cleveland-Detroit - thought the Pistons would've put up more of a fight
  7. Los Angeles-Utah - not good when Coach throws in the towel before game one
  6. Atlanta-Miami - looks like D-Wade isn't Superman after all...
  5. Denver-New Orleans - ...same goes for Chris Paul...
  4. Orlando-Philadelphia - ...and for Dwight Howard. Team before individuals, I guess.
  3. San Antonio-Dallas - can San Antonio fight off its biggest rival sans Manu?
  2. Portland-Houston - will take an awful lot for Baby Blazers to forget about 108-81
  1. Boston-Chicago - the champs are wounded. Can the Bulls take advantage?
• You may have noticed a common theme. The four most interesting series saw the road underdog take Game 1; Nos. 5 and 6 on the list went to the home team, but are still competitive series; and the two most boring series have already been decided for all intents and purposes.
• Other than Utah and Detroit (who limped into the playoffs and have terrible, terrible matchups), we've got 14 quality playoff teams on our hands. I'm not going to get on a soapbox here - just check out my chalky bracket - but I'm not at all surprised that four of the six road underdogs not playing Cleveland or LA have stolen home advantage in the opening games.
• Today, we spell redemption: AI. Miss two freebies late, make up for it with a game-winning, off-balance jumper in the last two seconds. What a finish for Andre Iguodala.
• My, that Derrick Rose is impressive. And such an improved free-throw shooter ... think John Calipari would've liked to have some of those back, say, a year and two weeks ago?
• Hi, Ray? Ray Allen? Wake up. The playoffs started. And no KG around to help you. Time to play.



• Hats off to Denver and Atlanta for paying attention to Saturday's upsets and taking care of their business at home.
• Anyone who thinks the Hawks can't give the Cavs a heck of a run might be in for a surprise. That defense is shockingly underrated; they would just have to find a way to neutralize LeBron, somehow.
• And anyone who still says the Nuggets CAN'T beat the Lakers is dead wrong. I don't think the Nuggets, should the matchup occur, will beat LA. I wouldn't bet that Denver would do so, I wouldn't bet on theDenver even if you gave me good odds. But Denver CAN beat the Lakers. You can't tell me that LA's half-assed defense can just extinguish all that firepower without breaking a sweat.
• Joe Dumars, your thank-you note is in the mail. Not for Carmelo; for Chauncey.
• And my final NBA-related thought: Inside the NBA talent and producers, never change. That is, without match or master, the greatest sports studio show on television. They even talk about professional basketball every now and then. But only on occasion.





• Covered the Wisconsin Spring Game on Saturday. According to UW's "estimated attendance" as it was announced, 23,500 fans were there in the rain to watch a 56-20 blowout that didn't tell us much about the 2009 Badgers other than that Curt Phillips might have a shot at the starting QB position.
• How far off is that "estimate"? Put it this way: if I had a dollar for every fan there, and had to give a dollar back for every fan under the 23,500 mark that actually showed up, I'd be more broke than Michael Vick.
• I just don't get the need to lie about attendance figures. No shame in the fact that people outside SEC country just don't care about football in April.
• But from a football standpoint, the Badgers will probably struggle again in '09. Now, 2010...that's a different story.
• Let's say Phillips wins the job this year. The 2010 Badgers will feature returning starters at every offensive position except tight end Garrett Graham, the entire defensive line, two linebackers, both corners and both kicker and punter.
• That's UW's best shot to get back to a Rose Bowl. With as few seniors as there are this year, it kinda makes sense for Bret Bielema to make the tough decision, play Phillips this season and hope that Dustin Sherer, an improving pocket passer and a genuinely nice kid, understands.



• So, Brooklyn Decker decided to marry Andy Roddick. A good-looking 26-year-old tennis player who's made it some sort of personal vendetta to nail as many Hollywood hotties as he can, wedded to a 22-year-old Sports Illustrated model who's been famous for about two years and could get anybody she wants. And both travel around the world nonstop for their profession.
• Gee, if that's not the perfect recipe for longterm marital success, I don't know what is.
• And get this, something I learned yesterday: you know how they met? Roddick saw her picture in the '07 SI Swimsuit edition and, like every other red-blooded male, developed an instant crush. So he got his agent to track down her number, tried to score a date for five months - Decker admitted "I was stalked" - and eventually, she fell for it.
• Seriously, Vegas has got to have this on the board somewhere: over/under for how many months before the divorce.
• And if you've got this crazy idea about me being super-jealous and bordering on uncontrollable bitterness...you'd be right on, buckaroo.



• My preseason World Series pick is 11-1. I’m not sayin, I’m just sayin.
• Then again, my fantasy team is in last place by a solid four games (record after two weeks: 8-22-6), and my real-life team has lost six of seven (Rockies chances of a division title after two weeks: zero). So we’ve got some work to do there (realizing that baseball is complete guesswork and it’s better to be lucky than good, thus also realizing I hate baseball: priceless).



• That Heineken commercial with the four screaming guys was funny the first time. Heck, it was entertaining the first eight or nine viewings. But it's gotten old, guys.



• Family Guy last night – easily the funniest of the season – was titled “420” and all about legalizing pot. The very first commercial once the episode ended? One of those ‘Above the Influence’ spots. Coincidence? If so, that automatically wins the award for “Most Hilarious Irony of All-Time”.
• Watching Family Guy’s newest ensemble “Bag of Weed” where Brian and Stewie , which took us into commercial and Burger King’s newest commercial where the King raps “SpongeBob SquarePants” to the tune of Baby Got Back, was one of the strangest five minutes of my life involving back-to-back songs that make you stare at the television with your eyes bugging and jaw slacked, unsure whether to be humored or terrified by what you just saw. And that’s all I have to say about that.
  
  

Have a good one.

-AJ