Vince McMahon has got a Case of the Mondays

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It's an abbreviated Mile High Musings for you today - in fact, it's more just one ranting column than anything else - as I'm super, super busy after graduation and moving out of Madison. But I owe you guys something, as it's been awhile.

I don't know why, but this story tickled my funny bone. I love Vince McMahon's pathetic - PATHETIC - attempt at a Nuggets potshot. "Even though the Denver Nuggets had a strong team and were projected to make the playoffs..."

Wait, wait, let's pause here for 10 seconds. And not for station identification. What phony NBA publication was he reading? Everyone had the Nuggets penciled as the last lottery team, with Portland making the big jump and joining the other big seven in the postseason with Denver missing out. But nice try at buttering up Nuggets fans before your impending, completely deranged commentary on Denver hoops.

Anyway, "...projected to make the playoffs, obviously Nuggets and Pepsi Center owner Stan Kroenke didn't have enough faith in his own team to hold the May 25th date for a potential playoff game."

Let me calm down, count to ten, and soothingly first state that I understand Vince McWoman isn't being serious here; it's just his personality to make outlandish statements in order to create ratings for his organization. Courtesy of my studies from Dean Baughman at Wisconsin, we call this the 'sphere of deviance'; comments like 'the sky is green' or 'everyone hates puppies' or 'Derek Fisher stands a chance of slowing down Chauncey Billups' that nobody in their right mind would agree with. So I get that. What I don't get is why Vince gets his jollies from behaving in such manner. You've gotta be seriously psycho to make a living and a reputation off being a complete ass. I feel sorry for him. Honestly, I do. Oh, and I could care less that he's ripping the Nuggets. My thoughts below have everything to do with McMahon's strange quotes and nothing to do with, hey, he's picking on my NBA team, boo hoo. Nah, that has nothing to do with it.

But for fun's sake, let's tear him apart anyway, shall we? Good.

Here's the quote in question, one more time: "obviously, Nuggets and Pepsi Center owner Stan Kroenke didn't have enough faith in his team to hold the May 25th date for a potential playoff game."

First off, I guarantee you Vince didn't know for certain that Kroenke owned the Nuggets as well as the building. So this is obviously being doctored by his p.r. "specialists." Good to know a guy as bloated and idiotic as McMahon has people responsible for making him sound as if he makes some semblance of sense... and still failed epicly. You're damn right I just made up that word: epicly.

Next ... uh, no, Vince, the Nuggets haven't played this late into May since the early 80s. Or, you know, since wrestling was actually kind of popular. So I don't think it would be a good business decision to expect your team to make the conference finals and thusly refuse to stage any other sort of revenue-building events at your arena for a three-week block. To be honest with you, I think even owners of such perennial contenders like the Yankees and Lakers and what not understand that.

And finally, singling out May 25th. Vince wanted Stan to "hold the May 25th date for a potential playoff game." Riiiiiiiiight. Because the NBA obviously knew without a doubt that a conference finals game would be played on that EXACT date.

I mean, people, you have to work to be this foolish. But then again, that's what the WWE is: foolish. Good riddance; the Pepsi Center doesn't want or need your business.

-AJ

Twenty-Two Birthday Wishes for the Sporting World ... masquerading as yet another Case of the Mondays

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A belated Double Deuce - er, double dose - of swine-flu-free Mile High Musings, comprised of 22 wishes I made on my birthday last Sunday or sometime since…

I wish people would stop throwing newspapers on their deathbeds. The business model is broken, sure. But the world will always need watchdogs, always need political writers, always need football beat writers, always need movie critics, and always need their crossword, comics and Sudoku. So blogs are gonna take over, huh? Most blogs couldn’t exist without the information ascertained from real journalists.

Maybe newspapers won’t be in the form of rolled-up broadsheets which double as flyswatters or birdcage liners, but online newspapers are still newspapers nonetheless. So cry for your paperboy, but nothing else. Saying that aspiring journalists should give up because of expiring newspapers is like saying that the music industry was dead when records gave way to compact discs, and then to mp3 files. Same product, different format.

I wish someone would explain the allure of Twitter to me. Isn’t it basically Facebook’s status updates…and that’s it? Oh, so you can garner “subscribers” in some sort of self-competitive nature. Uh, same motivation as gobbling up Facebook “friends”, right? So Twitter basically stole 2 percent of the things you can do on Facebook, and is operating a multi-million dollar business off of it? No thanks. I gave in to Facebook (not that it took that much persuasion) and I gave in to blogging (obviously); I don’t see myself ever giving in to Twitter. Tweet that, why don’t you.

I wish the NBA creates a flopping foul in the next two years. And it counts as two personals on your way to six and fouling out. Like a technical: the opposing team gets two throws and the ball. I’m sick of watching players get barely touched, only to instinctively throw their hands up in the air like those Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm-Waving Tube Men.

I wish Curt Phillips wins the starting gig this fall over Dustin Sherer. Nothing wrong with Dustin, he’s a nice kid and an improving player, but for the long-term sake of the program, Wisconsin football needs to get at least a half-season’s worth of starts out of the Tennessee dual-threat product.

I wish baseball were a wee bit more predictable. As I wake up on Monday morning, I look at the standings and see four division leaders (Toronto, Kansas City, Seattle and St. Louis) that finished in fourth place last season; besides, of the seven teams that sit three games or more above .500, only the Dodgers and Red Sox played in October last season.

But hey, at least I nailed Matt Holliday as the most overrated player in MLB. And my fantasy team is back to .500. So things aren’t all bad. Of course, Matty H is on said fantasy team. Oh well.

I wish to change my preseason playoff picks: Toronto, Kansas City, Seattle, Detroit, Florida, St. Louis, San Francisco, Cincinnati. Oh, that’s not who I think will win division or wild card crowns. It’s who I want to win. Because that’d be wicked funny to watch money-hungry MLB stick that in its big-market pipe and smoke it.

I wish only the best for Chase Daniel and Graham Harrell as undrafted free agents. Go prove a bunch of teams wrong, guys.

I wish Alex Rodriguez would go away. You too, Brett Favre. But it looks like the latter might not go so easily (note: read the last three paragraphs, in particular).

I wish to put the following video on my blog. Because it is humorous and may slightly resemble my own life. (The “we like sports” part, not the “I’m gonna sit three inches away from my best bud in the hottub” part)



I wish, retroactively, that my first three Mifflins had had such gorgeous weather as my last one. Then again, I feel lucky that the fourth and final Mifflin Block Party – the only one during which I lived on the freaking street – welcomed perfect sunny skies and warm temperatures throughout the afternoon.

I wish I had more time to enjoy Madison, Wisconsin. I spent my first three years here itching to get out and start that first job, figuring college was just a four-year footprint on my way to “the pros.” But senior year, I realized how much fun this place (and any college experience) is. Would’ve been nice to learn that two years ago. Current froshies and sophs, take note.

I wish T-Mobile would clear up why I’ve watched that same damn Dwight Howard-Dwayne Wade commercial 263 times, and still don’t understand why a video game injury would affect Howard’s life in any way, shape or form. And while we’re at it, just who the heck is that old white guy using the walker and talking trash to Barkley in the “Old School” commercial? These things eat at me.

On the other hand, I wish I was as cool as that Dos Equis guy. I may not be the most interesting man in the world, but my reputation is too expanding faster than the universe. And I too once had an awkward moment just to see how it feels. I, too, live vicariously through myself. Stay thirsty, my friends.



I wish Barry Alvarez would enlighten us as to what he’s thinking up there in that big fancy office of his. I thought the idea was to let Lisa Stone’s contract run out, rather than buying her out since it doesn’t make sense to pay two coaches for a non-revenue program. Fine. But extending her a season? And defending Stone by saying her “team was very close to having an outstanding year”, during a 6-12 conference season? This is a coach that not only had the most prolific scorer in UW men’s or women’s basketball history and failed to reach a single NCAA tournament (in fact, Stone still hasn’t brought her team Dancing in her six years here), but also has had numerous players leave the program (four of which I’ve actually met personally … I’m sure there are others).

I don’t understand the move. Neither do any of my Wisconsin sportswriting brethren. Neither do the fans, who commented on the Cap Times’ story. Neither do two of those ex-players still on campus. But hey, if Barry signed off on it, he must be right, right?

I wish I loved the NHL playoffs more. Numerous people have complained about a lack of playoff hockey coverage on this blog. I wish I could get into it, but I can’t! It doesn’t help that I live in a NHL-less state. Well, if anyone would like to produce coverage on the playoffs, let me know and we’ll be happy to post any work on it.

I wish this Denver Nuggets run would never end. No, seriously. Can they just play all the way through the summer? During their Game 1 thrashing of the Mavericks (give Dallas credit, though, they hung in there for three quarters and change), I figured out why I love the Nuggets more than any other team in sports: win or lose, George Karl’s guys make at least three or four plays every game that make you leap out of your chair and cheer or fist pump or unleash a tribal scream (you know, for playoff time). They’re just so darn fun to watch.

And I wish some NBA expert would explain to me why the Nuggets can’t beat the Lakers. Some guys are coming around, but apparently not our own Denver alumnus, Jon Barry (he said at halftime today the Nuggets can “absolutely not” touch the Lakers).

While I’m at it, I wish the Lakers do beat the Rockets in their series. In fact, I hope they thump them real good. In four games, seven games, whatever. Just make sure LA matches up with Denver. I’d hate for Houston to steal our prize.

Bring. On. L.A.

This isn’t a wish, but can you Nuggets fans believe that just 10½ months ago, this was happening??? We almost had neither Carmelo nor Chauncey. Now we have both. As Kanye says, “it’s amazing, so amazing.”

I wish, if I were to land a TV job somewhere in a hypothetical situation, it is with TNT’s ‘Inside the NBA’ with EJ, Kenny and Chuck. Those who have watched this ridiculously entertaining show need no further explanation. If you haven’t, well, YouTube it. My petty words cannot do it justice. Here’s some help…



I wish to amend this statement I wrote in a Badger Herald column three years ago, in my first-ever birthday column: “I wish Bret Bielema a successful first season. Hard to say about his ability as a head coach just yet, but he’s one of the nicest guys I’ve met in sports.” Ummmm…wow. Just wow. I have no comment beyond that. You guys who have covered UW football with me know what I’m talking about.

Speaking of that old column, I wish for a Lakers cheerleader. Four years running, still nothing. I’ll keep wishin’.

And more than anything else, I wish my unemployed title is lifted in the next week or so. Crossing my fingers…hey, can’t a guy wish for something realistic that he actually has control over?

And that’s all I have to say about that. Due to a certain Thursday event involving the above statement, I’ll only have one more blog post – my Sportsmen of April – for the rest of the week. Wish me luck!

Have a good one.

-AJ

Eben Britton Will End You and more Case of the Mondays

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Mile High Musings for a Monday morning after turning 22 years old and spending the day wondering – pondering, even – if I should follow in Chad Johnson’s footsteps and change my name to “Double Deuce”…

I think I learned this weekend the biggest reason the NFL Draft annoys me is because we just don’t know what the heck the teams are thinking. I still watch it because it is entertaining and there’s a hopeful aura that your team picks well-known names that fit your team’s needs.

But we won’t know how this draft class will pan out for a few seasons after Mr. Irrelevant’s name is called, and you usually just walk away wondering why your team didn’t follow what ESPN experts were saying they should have done.

You do have to love the seventh round of the NFL draft. Here were some of the names taken in the first eight picks of the Irrelevant round: Chris Ogbannaya, Paul Fanaika, Taufui Vakapuna, Edjuan Biggers, and – my personal favorite – Captain Munnerlyn. Yarrr, Captain!

Wow, way to spit on your fans, Denver Broncos. You honestly thought reaching for the best running back in the draft about ten spots too high was going to woo your fan base? We’re not stupid, Josh McDaniels.

It’s obvious the problem last year was defense, notably getting to the quarterback and stopping the run. So why, why, why in the world did you take your ten picks and use just four of them on defense – and only one pick (Robert Ayers) on the front seven???? WHY????

But hey, the ex-Patriot McDaniels did manage to select a sixth-round quarterback whose name starts with "Tom Bra...."

I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'.

And at least the Broncos didn’t pick a wide receiver No. 7 when he was a questionable first-rounder…with Michael Crabtree perfectly available. Or a cornerback in the second round when Senor Hairpiece vehemently argued he could’ve been signed in free agency.

Could be a fun column sometime: What are the five worst franchises in sports? Al Davis' Raiders are right up there.

How about this story out of Jacksonville? Sounds like somebody took their cocky pills Saturday. Eben Britton, the Jags' second pick - and second offensive tackle, after Eugene Monroe - apparently got an A in self-confidence class. Have a look at some of his quotes, after sliding down out of the first round and into the 39th overall selection:

“I couldn’t be happier that to be picked by the Jacksonville Jaguars but I was (ticked) off. There isn’t a bigger organization that I could have asked for, but every team that passed on me will regret it for the rest of the history of that franchise.”

“I was always told I wasn’t big enough, fast enough to play. Well, the chip (on my shoulder) just got a little bigger and somebody’s going to pay.”

So what's your career plans, Eben?

“I want to lead the Jacksonville Jaguars to the Super Bowl and I want to become the greatest tackle in the history of the NFL.”

Oh. Okay. What do you think of Mel Kiper Jr. and Todd McShay?

“You know what, if one of these draft guys lined up across from me, they’d be dead, so that’s not something I’m really concerned with. If you want to line up across from Eben Britton, you’re going to know what’s happening to you, I guarantee you that.”

Eben Britton sure knows what Eben Britton wants. Here's guessing we never hear from Eben Britton again.

The NBA has passed a new law. When the Celtics need a three-pointer in the final 30 seconds of a basketball game, the opposing coach must – MUST – double-team Ray Allen and tell his two guards, “I don’t care if they pick and roll, if they penetrate and kick, if they bring out the Patriots’ offensive line to block for Ray Allen or if Ray takes the shot from the popcorn stand in section 218. If you let Allen have any more than three and a half inches of open space during this next possession, you both will be on a bus heading to the D-League before the final horn.”

The next coach who fails to do this is breaking the law…and should be on a bus heading to coach D-League before the final horn.

Why? This. (32 second mark)

And this.

And this.

And this.

And, finally, this.

Get the picture, Bulls?

My roommate Justin’s take on the Cleveland-Detroit series, when ABC cut away from the scintillating Bulls-Celtics game to LeBron warming up for a Game 4 promo: “They’re gonna win by 70.”

And the sad thing is, my immediate response was, ‘well, not quite. But they’ll be close. The scrubs will whittle it down to a 50-point win.’

I think it’s safe to say Denver won the Chauncey-Iverson trade.

News: Despite legitimate speculation that the University of Wisconsin would not put a single prospect into the first three rounds of this weekend’s NFL Draft, four Badgers were taken in the third round after a UW-less Day 1. Matt Shaughnessy (Oakland), Kraig Urbik (Pittsburgh) and DeAndre Levy (Detroit) were taken eight spots apart in the 70s picks, and Travis Beckum (New York Giants) was the 100th overall pick and the final selection of the third round.

Views: I have to tip my cap to Wisconsin, which must be proud of being just one of seven schools to produce four draft picks in the first three rounds (or, if this was last year or any prior year, four first-day selections.) Granted, nobody was actually a first-day pick in 2009, but when nobody figures you to have anybody gone in the first three rounds, four Badgers bucking the scout’s take is a nice trend.

More views: That all being said, what does that tell you about the 2009 Badgers, having just lost four top-100 players from a 7-6 team? As Scooby-doo might say…Ruh roh.

The above clip shows Jacoby Ellsbury stealing home against the Yankees, helping the Red Sox earn a three-game sweep.

Apparently the results Boston-New York rivalry is something like 52-51 since the start of the 2004 season. Coulda fooled me. It seems like the Sox absolutely own the Yankees every time they play.

But back to Ellsbury’s domestic burglary: check out the 1:15 mark. So the bases are loaded. Andy Pettitte is a left-handed pitcher who takes forever to throw a pitch out of the full, and can’t see Ellsbury. The Yankee third baseman (don’t know who it is, too lazy to look it up, all I know is it’s not A-Roid) isn’t holding on Ellsbury, who is as sneaky as he is fast.

With there being a left-handed hitter at the plate facing a lefty pitcher, the chances are slim that a ball will be hit to the third-base area. And Ellsbury took a giant lead before he even took off…he had such a great jump that he stumbled the last two steps and still got in safely.

What did we learn from this little event? That maybe the Yankees should have kept some of that $423.5 million they gave to CC/Tex/Burnett and spent it on, you know, sensible coaching with common sense.

Later this week, I’ll have my annual birthday wishes column, along with a little piece on a beloved event held in Madison each year that according to a friend of mine, doubled as “the world’s largest wet t-shirt contest” in 2009.

Apparently, State of Play is “sooooooo damn good.” I’ll have to see if it’s as good as Taken.

Family Guy with an off week, after a hilarious episode last Sunday. Hopefully this doesn’t start a downward spiral. And that’s all I have to say about that.

Have a good one.

-AJ

We Are...Columbine and more Case of the Mondays

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Mile High Musings on a Monday morning hangover from a great, great NBA weekend with excitement that’s overshadowed only by sorrowed memories on this 10th anniversary of one of the greatest tragedies in American history.

I went to Chatfield Senior High, the (former) rival school of Columbine High School. Ten years ago, on April 20, 1999, I think everybody's life was changed forever: students and teachers, children teenagers and adults, Coloradans and all Americans. I didn't personally know anybody involved with the attacks, though I have several friends who knew students that witnessed the attacks or were injured during Columbine.

The week that it happend, the entire Bradford Elementary sixth grade was in southwestern Colorado at Crow Canyon, near the four corners. I'll never forget the teachers calling us into a large meeting room just after dark and Ms. Auger telling us what news they had received - "Today was a terrible day for Denver", she began. I'll never forget the hush that fell over the room as Ms. Auger divulged the details, telling us with a crack in her voice that our school and schools around Jefferson County were on lockdown and that everyone at our school was safe. I'll really never forget being scared out of my you-know-what thinking about my little brothers, Matt and Dan, who were fourth-graders at Bradford that day and kept locked inside the school until the coast was announced as clear. I'll never forget how shocked everybody was, the tears shed that night (and remember, these were 12-year-olds, a few years away from high school). And most importantly, I'll never forget the impact Columbine had on all of us in the Jeffco community, and I'm sure the same goes for schools and cities around the country.

We love you, Columbine, and will never forget.

Just for today, the blog will be navy blue, Columbine's primary color...so please forgive anything that's hard to read.

Now on to the Musings…

• Ranking the eight NBA series from least interesting to most interesting, taking into account each of the Game Ones from the weekend…
  8. Cleveland-Detroit - thought the Pistons would've put up more of a fight
  7. Los Angeles-Utah - not good when Coach throws in the towel before game one
  6. Atlanta-Miami - looks like D-Wade isn't Superman after all...
  5. Denver-New Orleans - ...same goes for Chris Paul...
  4. Orlando-Philadelphia - ...and for Dwight Howard. Team before individuals, I guess.
  3. San Antonio-Dallas - can San Antonio fight off its biggest rival sans Manu?
  2. Portland-Houston - will take an awful lot for Baby Blazers to forget about 108-81
  1. Boston-Chicago - the champs are wounded. Can the Bulls take advantage?
• You may have noticed a common theme. The four most interesting series saw the road underdog take Game 1; Nos. 5 and 6 on the list went to the home team, but are still competitive series; and the two most boring series have already been decided for all intents and purposes.
• Other than Utah and Detroit (who limped into the playoffs and have terrible, terrible matchups), we've got 14 quality playoff teams on our hands. I'm not going to get on a soapbox here - just check out my chalky bracket - but I'm not at all surprised that four of the six road underdogs not playing Cleveland or LA have stolen home advantage in the opening games.
• Today, we spell redemption: AI. Miss two freebies late, make up for it with a game-winning, off-balance jumper in the last two seconds. What a finish for Andre Iguodala.
• My, that Derrick Rose is impressive. And such an improved free-throw shooter ... think John Calipari would've liked to have some of those back, say, a year and two weeks ago?
• Hi, Ray? Ray Allen? Wake up. The playoffs started. And no KG around to help you. Time to play.



• Hats off to Denver and Atlanta for paying attention to Saturday's upsets and taking care of their business at home.
• Anyone who thinks the Hawks can't give the Cavs a heck of a run might be in for a surprise. That defense is shockingly underrated; they would just have to find a way to neutralize LeBron, somehow.
• And anyone who still says the Nuggets CAN'T beat the Lakers is dead wrong. I don't think the Nuggets, should the matchup occur, will beat LA. I wouldn't bet that Denver would do so, I wouldn't bet on theDenver even if you gave me good odds. But Denver CAN beat the Lakers. You can't tell me that LA's half-assed defense can just extinguish all that firepower without breaking a sweat.
• Joe Dumars, your thank-you note is in the mail. Not for Carmelo; for Chauncey.
• And my final NBA-related thought: Inside the NBA talent and producers, never change. That is, without match or master, the greatest sports studio show on television. They even talk about professional basketball every now and then. But only on occasion.





• Covered the Wisconsin Spring Game on Saturday. According to UW's "estimated attendance" as it was announced, 23,500 fans were there in the rain to watch a 56-20 blowout that didn't tell us much about the 2009 Badgers other than that Curt Phillips might have a shot at the starting QB position.
• How far off is that "estimate"? Put it this way: if I had a dollar for every fan there, and had to give a dollar back for every fan under the 23,500 mark that actually showed up, I'd be more broke than Michael Vick.
• I just don't get the need to lie about attendance figures. No shame in the fact that people outside SEC country just don't care about football in April.
• But from a football standpoint, the Badgers will probably struggle again in '09. Now, 2010...that's a different story.
• Let's say Phillips wins the job this year. The 2010 Badgers will feature returning starters at every offensive position except tight end Garrett Graham, the entire defensive line, two linebackers, both corners and both kicker and punter.
• That's UW's best shot to get back to a Rose Bowl. With as few seniors as there are this year, it kinda makes sense for Bret Bielema to make the tough decision, play Phillips this season and hope that Dustin Sherer, an improving pocket passer and a genuinely nice kid, understands.



• So, Brooklyn Decker decided to marry Andy Roddick. A good-looking 26-year-old tennis player who's made it some sort of personal vendetta to nail as many Hollywood hotties as he can, wedded to a 22-year-old Sports Illustrated model who's been famous for about two years and could get anybody she wants. And both travel around the world nonstop for their profession.
• Gee, if that's not the perfect recipe for longterm marital success, I don't know what is.
• And get this, something I learned yesterday: you know how they met? Roddick saw her picture in the '07 SI Swimsuit edition and, like every other red-blooded male, developed an instant crush. So he got his agent to track down her number, tried to score a date for five months - Decker admitted "I was stalked" - and eventually, she fell for it.
• Seriously, Vegas has got to have this on the board somewhere: over/under for how many months before the divorce.
• And if you've got this crazy idea about me being super-jealous and bordering on uncontrollable bitterness...you'd be right on, buckaroo.



• My preseason World Series pick is 11-1. I’m not sayin, I’m just sayin.
• Then again, my fantasy team is in last place by a solid four games (record after two weeks: 8-22-6), and my real-life team has lost six of seven (Rockies chances of a division title after two weeks: zero). So we’ve got some work to do there (realizing that baseball is complete guesswork and it’s better to be lucky than good, thus also realizing I hate baseball: priceless).



• That Heineken commercial with the four screaming guys was funny the first time. Heck, it was entertaining the first eight or nine viewings. But it's gotten old, guys.



• Family Guy last night – easily the funniest of the season – was titled “420” and all about legalizing pot. The very first commercial once the episode ended? One of those ‘Above the Influence’ spots. Coincidence? If so, that automatically wins the award for “Most Hilarious Irony of All-Time”.
• Watching Family Guy’s newest ensemble “Bag of Weed” where Brian and Stewie , which took us into commercial and Burger King’s newest commercial where the King raps “SpongeBob SquarePants” to the tune of Baby Got Back, was one of the strangest five minutes of my life involving back-to-back songs that make you stare at the television with your eyes bugging and jaw slacked, unsure whether to be humored or terrified by what you just saw. And that’s all I have to say about that.
  
  

Have a good one.

-AJ

JR Smith for Threeeeeeeeeee...and more Case of the Mondays

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More Mile High Musings from the fan of one team flying Mile High...and of another team whose season might be over after one week:

• FORTY-FIVE.
• I watch golf two days out of the year: Masters Sunday and U.S. Open Sunday. That's it. Well, unless you count the annual Thanksgiving Drinking Game sponsored by 'Caddyshack'.
• And to be honest, with many things to get done on my Easter Sunday (and no, hunting for eggs was not one of them), I probably would not have watched if the final round Sunday weren't for a certain duo being paired together for the final round.
• What a tussle that was: two men, at the peak of their craft, dueling each other for optimum position with the hopes of mounting an illustrious comeback with the grand prize of one of those lovely green jackets everyone seems to be so worked up about.
• I'm of course, talking about Rocco Mediate and Miguel Angel Jimenez.




• So ... Lefty and Tiger. Phil and Eldrick. Sadly for Tiger, who thrives on imposing his presence on his tee time partner and destructing every ounce of self-confidence he thought he had at one point in time, he was paired with someone who just doesn't give a hack.
• That was part of the fun, for me. Phil had an unbelievable start, and I think that kind of got into Tiger's noggin. Every time I get into a debate over the greatest athlete of our time - Roger Federer (me) vs. Tiger Woods (every last one of my friends and their friends and their mothers) - my biggest case is that the rest of the tennis tour isn't intimidated by Federer, despite the fact that Federer can physically do something to throw your game off. In golf, Tiger can't do a gosh darn thing about it if you decide to go off for a 12-under round.
• But these friends of mine argue that nay, Tiger does get into his opponents' heads, willing them to play poorly. Well, friends, Exhibit A all over your grill. Mickelson just showed us how you ignore the guy in the red shirt with all the swooshes splashed over his attire and just PLAY. YOUR. GAME.
• For their career in majors, when paired together, Tiger has posted the lower score 11 times, and Phil nine times. That's getting it done, whether it's Tiger, God himself (no, Jim Nantz, not the same person), or a weekend hack with a 30 handicap playing with you.
• Gee, I guess I should say something about Angel Cabrera capturing his second major or Kenny Perry nearly winning one for the old fogeys or Chad Campbell somehow scoring a blonde chick that's waaaaaaaaaaaaay out of his league. Uhhhhh...congrats Pato, too bad Kenny, and you are the MAN, Chad.
• Hey, keeping in line with CBS' divvying of coverage between Tiger-Phil and the rest of the players, that's all the time I have alloted for non-Tiger news.
• FORTY-FIVE.



• Okay, I admit it, I was a little nervous about the Nuggets choking away the division title tonight. You'll have to forgive me; I'm still a little shocked from the last time a Denver-based team hosted a patsy opponent with two games to go and needing just one more victory to wrap up a division crown, only to blow it and be forced to fly to their division rival's building for the season finale where they got CREAMED.
• For those who aren't Denver fans and are not shaking your heads in disgust or reaching for the nearest pistol, barf bag or fifth of Jack, I'm talking about the 2008 Broncos.
• But alas, the Nuggets are too talented this year to let it slip. Actually, on this night, they weren't; but JR Smith sure as hell was.
• FORTY-FIVE. That's how many points JR hung on Sacramento last night, aided by a franchise record 11 three-pointers, one short of the NBA record. For his final triple, JR was being trapped on the right wing, about 30 feet from the basket and the shot clock reading two. JR was forced to throw up a shot that should be attempted under no circumstances by any normal human being.
• Thankfully, JR is no normal human being. Swish.
• I'm not about to go all Jack Bauer on the NBA award voters and demand JR win the Sixth Man award. Jason Terry has once again been magnificent for the Mavericks, and has arguably been more important to red-hot Dallas than JR has been to Denver. Arguably, now.
• But anybody who thinks Nate Robinson (a ballhog for a crappy team) or Travis Outlaw (lesser stats than Smith in every important category) should get votes over JR needs to stop following basketball. More than anything else, I can't wait to see what JR can do in the playoffs...particularly if they face off with Terry's (and B-dubs') Mavs.
• So now, the Nuggets head to Portland in what could be a meaningless game on ESPN, should the Rockets lose in Dallas Wednesday night in the first ESPN telecast. That would automatically lock Denver into the 2 seed, and the Nuggets may be able to rest some guys before the playoffs start Saturday.
• Oh, man, is this exciting. Just a few days 'till the playoffs, and in a way, I'm just as jacked up for the playoff pairings to be locked in tomorrow night. Once they're set, I'll have a NBA playoff preview with segments on all eight matchups, and my composite predictions all the way through the finals. Early teaser: there will be a LOT of Cleveland involved.
• FORTY-FIVE.



• Well, the Rockies had a good season. For about four games.
• Good, encouraging start to jump out 3-1. But our bullpen has been grossly and hopelessly overrated (we dumped Holliday for this guy??? REALLY?!?!?!), Cook and Jimenez are going to have tough years going up against the No. 1 and No. 2 starters on other teams, and I'm afraid our offense just won't be the same consistently for 162 games without Matty H.
• I will say this, though: Ryan Spilborghs is a very capable replacement for Holliday in left. And it will be FUN watching Dexter Fowler grow. That's about all I can say for the Rox, who are destined for about 75 wins this year. Maybe 80.


• FORTY-FIVE.
  


• It was unbelievably disappointing to have a quiet weekend around the apartment, because nobody was ever around me when I saw any news about the US cruise ships getting bombarded by pirates.
• Nobody was ever around to hear my super-funny pirate joke! It went something like this, "Yarrrrrr, mateys, we be on dar news."
• Okay, I thought it was funny.
• I was just under the impression that the only pirates still around are up in Pittsburgh, playing perennially bad baseball, that's all.



• Fantasy Baseball Gripe of the Week: Chien-Ming Wang, really? 24 ERA through two starts? Are you really this awful, and should I just dump you now for Paul Bako while I still can?
• Explain this one to me: I had five pitchers start for me today. Todd Wellemeyer (a shiny nickel if you can tell me what team he plays for) went seven strong, giving up just a run on seven hits, no walks and four Ks, for the victory in which his team scored just two runs.
• My other four guys? Maybe you've heard of them: Wang, Jon Lester, Ubaldo Jimenez, and Mike Pelfrey. Humor me and throw in Brad Lidge as the lone relief pitcher who hurled for me today. Those five studs combined for 16.2 innings pitched, a 13.33 ERA, a WHIP way about 2, and no wins or quality starts.
• In other words, fantasy baseball is EVIL. When you think about it, so is real baseball.



• FORTY-FIVE.
• Did I mention how excited I am for the Nuggets? And how excited I am for the NBA playoffs in general???
• With the end of the regular season comes the end of NBATV, and likely, the end of Melanie Collins for this season. OK, so there is something tempering my enthusiasm. And that's all I have to say about that.

Have a good one.

-AJ

Someone get Jay Cutler his ba ba; more Case of the Mondays

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More Mile High Musings for a Monday that, fittingly, begins with 30 fresh starts and ends with a championship finish...

• I guess I should weigh in on the Jay Cutler saga, you know, being that I'm a Broncos fan and I write for a blog and all. One problem: I don't quite know how I feel about the whole situation, like whose side I was on (Cutler's or the Broncos') or who was the winner in April 2nd's big deal (Bears or Broncos).


• The one thing I do know about the situation...well, to be honest, I can't say it any better than (of all people) George Karl, coach of the red-hot Denver Nuggets. When the DP asked Karl, who's dealt with a similar situation last summer with the Melo trade rumors, about the Cutler ordeal barely 24 hours before Baby Jay was shipped to Chicago, Karl said this:


• "My thought is - I'd take them up to the mountains, put them in a cabin, and make them spend three days with each other."


• Okay, when the man who took three years to figure out that giving JR Smith more than 15 minutes a game might be a good thing for your basketball team can make logical sense with his 'football GM' hat on, that's not a good sign for the Denver Donkeys, now is it?


• I get that Jay has the maturity of a six-year-old girl with Barbie-doll separation issues. I get that many of the all-time greats (John Elway and Carmelo Anthony, for two) have dealt with trade rumors far, far better than he did. I get that Cutler - a franchise player for two years - could have easily strolled across the locker room and asked his new teammate, safety Brian Dawkins and the Eagles' franchise player of 13 years, how to act like a man when your employer curiously wants nothing to do with you.


• But something doesn't sit right with me, when respected football writers like my personal favorite Peter King paint this picture of Pat Bowlen as not only a fantastic owner (which he is), but also a man you do not disrespect under any circumstances.


• Pat Bowlen's letter to Bronco Nation reeks of a spin job; methinks Mr. Bowlen felt his ego was more important than winning football games.


• Bowlen wrote that "it has never been about one player, and it never will be." Tell me, Patty, how it wasn't about "one player" when you allowed "one player" to set your franchise back five years because he didn't pick up his cell phone. Give. Me. A. Break.


• You allowed it to be about one player by surrendering to his so-called demands instead of fining the crap out of him and forcing him to make nice with Josh McDaniels.


• That's my thoughts on the Ghost of Broncos past; since I want to get to baseball, I'll post something about the Broncos future tomorrow. But quickly, I will say that I believe in Kyle Orton. Yes, this man. He is not "horrible" as I've heard so many good people and Bears fans (the same people, strangely enough) claim. We'll talk more about Orton tomorrow.



• I tell you: nothing says Opening Day quite like ponchos and down jackets, huh?


• Watching that Mets-Reds slip 'n slide...er, baseball game...earlier today, those fans looked like they'd rather be sipping cocoa in the ski lodge then freezing their arses off at a baseball game.


• As it was, two games were postponed on Opening Day (Rays-Red Sox and Royals-White Sox). Good thing; with soaking-wet fields, you wouldn't want the players to catch pneumonia by getting their Sox wet.


• Here's the part I don't get: when all 30 teams are in action, you've got eight NL games and seven AL games each day. Why aren't we dictating that every game being played before, say, April 15, is either in a dome or a warm-weather city?


• Florida, Atlanta, Milwaukee, Houston, Los Angeles, San Diego, San Francisco, Arizona. And Colorado, St. Louis and Washington as possible backups.


• Tampa Bay, Toronto, Minnesota, Seattle, Oakland, Los Angeles, Texas. And maybe Kansas City and Baltimore as possible backups.


• But no, let's schedule games in Boston, Chicago, and Cincinnati. What's funny is, out of the 13 games on Opening Day, 10 of them are in one of those domed or warm-weather locales.


• However, if MLB doesn't learn anything from this year, they never will. The three cold-weather games? Two postponements and the aforementioned tundra-like affair in Cincinnati.



• All right, Yankees fans, you finally got to see your $23 million a year 'till 2015 investment in action. And what did we get in return from Carsten Charles Sabathia, aka Mr. $700,000-per-start?


• (Consulting the box score...talk amongst yourselves...hmmm, this doesn't look good. Earmuffs, kids.)


• 4 1/3 innings, 96 pitches (only 50 strikes), six earned runs, eight hits, five walks and a whopping zero strikeouts. Lemme repeat that, because I sure as haaaaail did a double-take just typing that: five walks, zero strikeouts. Against the devastatingly powerful Orioles lineup.


• Stathead alert! Today was CC's 255th career start, and only the third time he failed to strike a batter out (both in 2005: May 5 at Minnesota and July 25 at Oakland). He's also never walked that many (five) while failing to ring up a single batter. By the way, on a separate note: CC's career postseason ERA is 7.92.


• 700 grand for that masterpiece today. Don't spend it all in one place, CC (or should I say, BB?)


• And Yankees fans, don't say I didn't warn you: Sabathia's gonna go something like 14-10 with an ERA in the high 3s, maybe low 4s this year. Sounds like $23 million well spent.


• For those of you screaming, "You guys both took him to win the Cy this year!" Well, consider this my official retraction. I'm going with either Ervin Santana or Roy Halladay. No, that's not a knee-jerk, one-game reaction.



• From the That Really Grinds My Gears Department: Tried out MLB.com's TV package today. I've done it the past three years, for some reason, since I've received the worst customer service out of any company to which I write checks. MLBTV's new "Nexdef" technology provides a crystal clear picture...but the damn thing freezes every 15 seconds, and doesn't refresh, so you end up watching the sixth inning when the game is actually in the eighth. Do not purchase this product, not worth the money.



• How 'bout my Marlins, huh? Highest run-scoring team of the day (as of 7 pm CST). Not bad for my World Series pick. Good start. Nice way to kick things off for Benji's favorite team, too; Rangers a 9-1 winner over the Tribe.


• Not so good for the Rox, 9-8 losers to the D-Bags Snakes.


• C'mon, Cookie, you're better than that.


• Quick shout-out to Michael Bleach of the Badger Herald, whose column last Thursday set the all-time Herald Sports record for "most commented story". (And to think, I only helped him once!) Had no idea softball people were that passionate, but it is a very well-written column and the ensuing commentors are insightful.



• BREAKING NEWS! So this news came out while I was putting this together: San Antonio Spurs douche guard Manu Ginobili's is out for the remainder of the season and playoffs because he committed too many flopping violations with an ankle injury.


• BREAKING VIEWS! Manu's season is over. So is the Spurs'. It's a two-horse race in the West now. (I will now go pump my fist Tiger-style for the next three hours.)
  
  


• Tonight's NCAA championship game should be a great one. The villain powerhouse against the Cinderella underdog that everyone's pulling for...for a reason other than basketball.


• Personally, I want to apologize to the Michigan State Spartans for doubting them. Sitting behind their bench during a bad loss to Ohio State in the Big Ten Tournament semifinals, the players seemed dysfunctional; I didn't get the feeling they really loved each other the way great teammates should. Kudos to Tom Izzo's crew for showing another iconic Big Ten coach how it's done in March and April, and it's great that you've lifted the spirits of Michigan.


• That said, speaking of teams that love each other, Tyler Hansbrough, Ty Lawson, Wayne Ellington and Danny Green didn't all come back to school just to lose in the championship game to a team it previously beat by 35...on that same court. Tar Heels win tonight, but it might be closer than you think - maybe the first single-digit win of North Carolina's tournament.


• Blake Griffin, thou art behemoth. Courtney Paris, thou art creatureth larger than behemoth.



• Brad Hawpe = Brandon Webb's daddy. And that's all I have to say about that.

Have a good one.

-AJ

Sounds like somebody's got a case of the Mondays

The first Tribute installment of Mile High Musings, for the final Monday of March Madness...

• I wake up this morning, cook my usual breakfast of cereal (Lucky Charms today. For those who care, they were magically delicious.) and flip on SportsCenter before I head to Monday morning class. I figure it'll be a quality show; we just finished with the Elite Eight, with some great games (Pitt-Nova and State-L'Ville) and enjoyable storylines (Spartans get home court, Tar Heels and Huskies clicking on all cylinders, Blake Griffin coming up juuuuuust short). The NBA conference races are heating up, and Opening Day (or Christmas come early, as some like to call it) is just around the corner. Oh, and that golfer guy that used to be good did something good yesterday. Rawr.
  
  
• But instead, I'm watching full-blown coverage of Kentucky Head Coach Watch: Day 37. Now they're saying Memphis boss John Calipari might - might! - be interested in the gig. (Since when are People Magazine gossip writers doubling as ESPN producers? Oh, wait, forever...that's right.) They've brought in three consecutive talking heads (Dickie V, Steve Lavin and a writer from the Lexington paper) to speculate: "how would Coach Cal fit in at Kentucky?"



• I turn to my roommate Justin, and boldly predict: "The moment Calipari agrees to work at Kentucky, the coverage will shift to, 'how will Coach Cal fit in at Kentucky?', and SportsCenter will basically reuse the same scripts again because they think we're idiots." To this, Justin nodded.



• Or maybe he was just nodding off*. All this Kentucky talk - you know, discussing the future of a program that, uh, hasn't made a Final Four in a decade - was putting this tried-and-true college basketball fan to sleep.
  *not actually my roommate, but sort of resembles him after a long night of Grand Marnier
  
  
• Sure enough, sources say Kentucky is working on an eight-year deal for Mr. "Free Throws Don't Matter" himself. It's a good move for him; he's accomplished everything he could at Memphis, and now gets a chance to show he can do it consistently in the big boy conference.
  


• I just didn't need to hear it 89 times today, ESPN. We got it. Especially with everything else going on in sports right now.
  


• If you hadn't had a chance to catch B-dubs' eugoogoly on the 08-09 Sooners, it's a great read, even if you don't bleed cream and crimson.



• Here's my personal eugoogoly of the Badgers' season: They came. They started. They did not finish. And thus, they did not conquer.



• Anything else you needed to know?



• First and only fantasy baseball draft of the year is Sunday. I had four football drafts last fall, and spent approximately 68 hours slaving over big boards and draft lists.



• Which is approximately 68 hours more than I've spent on the baseball draft.

• And it's an auction draft. Never been in one of those. We'll see how it goes, but I got a feeling I'm gonna end up being a worse GM than Chris Wallace.



• Sounds like somebody took Jay Cutler's pacifier away from him. They also took 100,000 grand from his wallet today for missing 10 days of workouts.



• I still think he'll be a Bronco on Opening Day in September. Not wishful thinking, just looking at it objectively.



• Because if he does get traded, and Denver doesn't get equal value, Josh McDaniels' stay in the Mile High City will be quicker than Antonio McDyess' third tour of duty.



• Speaking of which - and not to squeeze sour grapes on this magical Nuggets season - if Dice stays a Nugget, then LA's got some company up there on its lofty perch. Too bad.



• Believe it or not: Birdman > Marcus Camby. Ya heard me.



• I was close to tears the night Denver gave away Marcus for an expired grocery coupon. Wanted to throw away my Nuggets allegiance. But while the Chauncey trade officially turned things around, and rightfully got the pub for doing so, it's the addition of Chris Andersen that pushed Denver over the top. He's got the same defensive presence and a little bit more energy, for less than 10 percent of the price.



• That all being said, I'm still scared you-know-whatless of playing Utah in the first round and getting knocked out AGAIN before the playoffs really get started.



• Oh, wait...just saw that Utah is 1-14 on the road against winning teams this season. And they nearly blew second-half leads of more than 20 points in their last two home games, to less-than-awe-inspiring Phoenix and New York. Never mind.
  
  
• Apparently, Andrew "Out 8-12 weeks with a knee" Bynum is back in action, scoring left and right once again. But not for the Lakers.
  
  
• The Los Angeles big man, who was hurt on Jan. 31 and was hoping to be back before the end of March, was seen clubbing it at the Playboy Mansion over the weekend. Bynum was allegedly hoisting up models on his shoulders, jumping velvet ropes and playing the life of the party, doing everything but doing a cannonball into Hef's pool.
  
  
• I got no problem with mackin' on Playmates any chance you get. But seriously, man, can't it wait til' the end of the season? Way to support your teammates and get back out on that court for a few garbage games before the playoffs start.
  
  
• But hey, any friend of Nuggets Finals chances is a friend of mine. And we share initials. Attaboy, AB.
  


• Obligatory "Heroes" update of the week: Sylar's been quiet this season. With the new skill he just acquired, though, I'd say he's about to become Comeback Bad Dude of the Year. The good guys are in BIG trouble...as is Danko. I give him two, maybe three, more weeks of life.



• LATER THIS WEEK: A scintillating nomination for TNEA of the Week (Wednesday; hot babe alert!), B-dubs' Immediate Reactions (Thursday), and our Preseason MLB Power Rankinsg (TBD), final thoughts on the overall seasons of Wisconsin and Oklahoma sports (TBD) and Final Four stuff throughout the weekend.

Have a good one.

-AJ