Manny being...A-Rod?

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This is a funny e-mail from my uncle Dennis, a diehard Yankees fan who had an interesting take on Manny Ramirez's 50-game suspension.

"Ya gotta love Manny. In one action, he has:

• Taken A-Rod off the hook...
• Ruined Joe Torre's season...
• Invalidated the Red Sox World Series wins...
• Made Bud Selig look like a bigger dummy...

Now fair is fair. Let's see if Manny takes all of the scrutiny and heat that A-Rod got. I want to see it on the news 24 hours a day for a week straight. I want the talking heads to analyze if Manny is telling the truth or lying. I want people digging through his garbage and making up all sorts of wild stories. I want to see Manny on the evening news with Katie. I want to see some over-weight bitch wanna-be journalist start making up stories and putting it in a book. I want revenge and to collect my pound of flesh. Thank you Manny and enjoy your 50-game vacation."

Very entertaining, my uncle's words. And fair points, too. Very fair. Purely in the interest of playing devil's advocate - I'm not really a Yankees or Red Sox supporter, though Uncle Den would be the first to tell you about my historical disdain for the pinstripes - I would add a couple things...

• A-Rod signed a 10-year, $252 million deal. Manny did not.
• A-Rod has an interesting off-field lifestyle, like dating Madonna for instance. Manny does not.
• A-Rod plays in New York City, home to the most vile media in the world. Manny does not.
• A-Rod can realistically break the all-time home runs record, the most hallowed mark in sports. Manny cannot.
• A-Rod had the story broken by journalists, not by a pee cup or MLB testing. Manny was the opposite.
• A-Rod proceeded to hold a press conference, make bold-faced lies to the public and then had more crap come out about him in future endeavors, thus turning the media further against him. Manny hasn't done any of those things.

So just sayin'. Manny deserves every bit of doubt about his accolades - and you betcha, Red Sox fans will take crap for having that 2004 WS being potentially tainted - but let's see how this all plays out before we sic the "overweight bitch wannabe journalist" on him.

Oh, and by the way, Bud Selig will be speaking at the University of Wisconsin's commencement ceremonies next weekend. I'll definitely report the reception he gets...I'm sure a mix of cheers and boos will result, particularly in light of Manny's suspension.

-AJ

Eben Britton Will End You and more Case of the Mondays

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Mile High Musings for a Monday morning after turning 22 years old and spending the day wondering – pondering, even – if I should follow in Chad Johnson’s footsteps and change my name to “Double Deuce”…

I think I learned this weekend the biggest reason the NFL Draft annoys me is because we just don’t know what the heck the teams are thinking. I still watch it because it is entertaining and there’s a hopeful aura that your team picks well-known names that fit your team’s needs.

But we won’t know how this draft class will pan out for a few seasons after Mr. Irrelevant’s name is called, and you usually just walk away wondering why your team didn’t follow what ESPN experts were saying they should have done.

You do have to love the seventh round of the NFL draft. Here were some of the names taken in the first eight picks of the Irrelevant round: Chris Ogbannaya, Paul Fanaika, Taufui Vakapuna, Edjuan Biggers, and – my personal favorite – Captain Munnerlyn. Yarrr, Captain!

Wow, way to spit on your fans, Denver Broncos. You honestly thought reaching for the best running back in the draft about ten spots too high was going to woo your fan base? We’re not stupid, Josh McDaniels.

It’s obvious the problem last year was defense, notably getting to the quarterback and stopping the run. So why, why, why in the world did you take your ten picks and use just four of them on defense – and only one pick (Robert Ayers) on the front seven???? WHY????

But hey, the ex-Patriot McDaniels did manage to select a sixth-round quarterback whose name starts with "Tom Bra...."

I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'.

And at least the Broncos didn’t pick a wide receiver No. 7 when he was a questionable first-rounder…with Michael Crabtree perfectly available. Or a cornerback in the second round when Senor Hairpiece vehemently argued he could’ve been signed in free agency.

Could be a fun column sometime: What are the five worst franchises in sports? Al Davis' Raiders are right up there.

How about this story out of Jacksonville? Sounds like somebody took their cocky pills Saturday. Eben Britton, the Jags' second pick - and second offensive tackle, after Eugene Monroe - apparently got an A in self-confidence class. Have a look at some of his quotes, after sliding down out of the first round and into the 39th overall selection:

“I couldn’t be happier that to be picked by the Jacksonville Jaguars but I was (ticked) off. There isn’t a bigger organization that I could have asked for, but every team that passed on me will regret it for the rest of the history of that franchise.”

“I was always told I wasn’t big enough, fast enough to play. Well, the chip (on my shoulder) just got a little bigger and somebody’s going to pay.”

So what's your career plans, Eben?

“I want to lead the Jacksonville Jaguars to the Super Bowl and I want to become the greatest tackle in the history of the NFL.”

Oh. Okay. What do you think of Mel Kiper Jr. and Todd McShay?

“You know what, if one of these draft guys lined up across from me, they’d be dead, so that’s not something I’m really concerned with. If you want to line up across from Eben Britton, you’re going to know what’s happening to you, I guarantee you that.”

Eben Britton sure knows what Eben Britton wants. Here's guessing we never hear from Eben Britton again.

The NBA has passed a new law. When the Celtics need a three-pointer in the final 30 seconds of a basketball game, the opposing coach must – MUST – double-team Ray Allen and tell his two guards, “I don’t care if they pick and roll, if they penetrate and kick, if they bring out the Patriots’ offensive line to block for Ray Allen or if Ray takes the shot from the popcorn stand in section 218. If you let Allen have any more than three and a half inches of open space during this next possession, you both will be on a bus heading to the D-League before the final horn.”

The next coach who fails to do this is breaking the law…and should be on a bus heading to coach D-League before the final horn.

Why? This. (32 second mark)

And this.

And this.

And this.

And, finally, this.

Get the picture, Bulls?

My roommate Justin’s take on the Cleveland-Detroit series, when ABC cut away from the scintillating Bulls-Celtics game to LeBron warming up for a Game 4 promo: “They’re gonna win by 70.”

And the sad thing is, my immediate response was, ‘well, not quite. But they’ll be close. The scrubs will whittle it down to a 50-point win.’

I think it’s safe to say Denver won the Chauncey-Iverson trade.

News: Despite legitimate speculation that the University of Wisconsin would not put a single prospect into the first three rounds of this weekend’s NFL Draft, four Badgers were taken in the third round after a UW-less Day 1. Matt Shaughnessy (Oakland), Kraig Urbik (Pittsburgh) and DeAndre Levy (Detroit) were taken eight spots apart in the 70s picks, and Travis Beckum (New York Giants) was the 100th overall pick and the final selection of the third round.

Views: I have to tip my cap to Wisconsin, which must be proud of being just one of seven schools to produce four draft picks in the first three rounds (or, if this was last year or any prior year, four first-day selections.) Granted, nobody was actually a first-day pick in 2009, but when nobody figures you to have anybody gone in the first three rounds, four Badgers bucking the scout’s take is a nice trend.

More views: That all being said, what does that tell you about the 2009 Badgers, having just lost four top-100 players from a 7-6 team? As Scooby-doo might say…Ruh roh.

The above clip shows Jacoby Ellsbury stealing home against the Yankees, helping the Red Sox earn a three-game sweep.

Apparently the results Boston-New York rivalry is something like 52-51 since the start of the 2004 season. Coulda fooled me. It seems like the Sox absolutely own the Yankees every time they play.

But back to Ellsbury’s domestic burglary: check out the 1:15 mark. So the bases are loaded. Andy Pettitte is a left-handed pitcher who takes forever to throw a pitch out of the full, and can’t see Ellsbury. The Yankee third baseman (don’t know who it is, too lazy to look it up, all I know is it’s not A-Roid) isn’t holding on Ellsbury, who is as sneaky as he is fast.

With there being a left-handed hitter at the plate facing a lefty pitcher, the chances are slim that a ball will be hit to the third-base area. And Ellsbury took a giant lead before he even took off…he had such a great jump that he stumbled the last two steps and still got in safely.

What did we learn from this little event? That maybe the Yankees should have kept some of that $423.5 million they gave to CC/Tex/Burnett and spent it on, you know, sensible coaching with common sense.

Later this week, I’ll have my annual birthday wishes column, along with a little piece on a beloved event held in Madison each year that according to a friend of mine, doubled as “the world’s largest wet t-shirt contest” in 2009.

Apparently, State of Play is “sooooooo damn good.” I’ll have to see if it’s as good as Taken.

Family Guy with an off week, after a hilarious episode last Sunday. Hopefully this doesn’t start a downward spiral. And that’s all I have to say about that.

Have a good one.

-AJ

Someone get Jay Cutler his ba ba; more Case of the Mondays

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More Mile High Musings for a Monday that, fittingly, begins with 30 fresh starts and ends with a championship finish...

• I guess I should weigh in on the Jay Cutler saga, you know, being that I'm a Broncos fan and I write for a blog and all. One problem: I don't quite know how I feel about the whole situation, like whose side I was on (Cutler's or the Broncos') or who was the winner in April 2nd's big deal (Bears or Broncos).


• The one thing I do know about the situation...well, to be honest, I can't say it any better than (of all people) George Karl, coach of the red-hot Denver Nuggets. When the DP asked Karl, who's dealt with a similar situation last summer with the Melo trade rumors, about the Cutler ordeal barely 24 hours before Baby Jay was shipped to Chicago, Karl said this:


• "My thought is - I'd take them up to the mountains, put them in a cabin, and make them spend three days with each other."


• Okay, when the man who took three years to figure out that giving JR Smith more than 15 minutes a game might be a good thing for your basketball team can make logical sense with his 'football GM' hat on, that's not a good sign for the Denver Donkeys, now is it?


• I get that Jay has the maturity of a six-year-old girl with Barbie-doll separation issues. I get that many of the all-time greats (John Elway and Carmelo Anthony, for two) have dealt with trade rumors far, far better than he did. I get that Cutler - a franchise player for two years - could have easily strolled across the locker room and asked his new teammate, safety Brian Dawkins and the Eagles' franchise player of 13 years, how to act like a man when your employer curiously wants nothing to do with you.


• But something doesn't sit right with me, when respected football writers like my personal favorite Peter King paint this picture of Pat Bowlen as not only a fantastic owner (which he is), but also a man you do not disrespect under any circumstances.


• Pat Bowlen's letter to Bronco Nation reeks of a spin job; methinks Mr. Bowlen felt his ego was more important than winning football games.


• Bowlen wrote that "it has never been about one player, and it never will be." Tell me, Patty, how it wasn't about "one player" when you allowed "one player" to set your franchise back five years because he didn't pick up his cell phone. Give. Me. A. Break.


• You allowed it to be about one player by surrendering to his so-called demands instead of fining the crap out of him and forcing him to make nice with Josh McDaniels.


• That's my thoughts on the Ghost of Broncos past; since I want to get to baseball, I'll post something about the Broncos future tomorrow. But quickly, I will say that I believe in Kyle Orton. Yes, this man. He is not "horrible" as I've heard so many good people and Bears fans (the same people, strangely enough) claim. We'll talk more about Orton tomorrow.



• I tell you: nothing says Opening Day quite like ponchos and down jackets, huh?


• Watching that Mets-Reds slip 'n slide...er, baseball game...earlier today, those fans looked like they'd rather be sipping cocoa in the ski lodge then freezing their arses off at a baseball game.


• As it was, two games were postponed on Opening Day (Rays-Red Sox and Royals-White Sox). Good thing; with soaking-wet fields, you wouldn't want the players to catch pneumonia by getting their Sox wet.


• Here's the part I don't get: when all 30 teams are in action, you've got eight NL games and seven AL games each day. Why aren't we dictating that every game being played before, say, April 15, is either in a dome or a warm-weather city?


• Florida, Atlanta, Milwaukee, Houston, Los Angeles, San Diego, San Francisco, Arizona. And Colorado, St. Louis and Washington as possible backups.


• Tampa Bay, Toronto, Minnesota, Seattle, Oakland, Los Angeles, Texas. And maybe Kansas City and Baltimore as possible backups.


• But no, let's schedule games in Boston, Chicago, and Cincinnati. What's funny is, out of the 13 games on Opening Day, 10 of them are in one of those domed or warm-weather locales.


• However, if MLB doesn't learn anything from this year, they never will. The three cold-weather games? Two postponements and the aforementioned tundra-like affair in Cincinnati.



• All right, Yankees fans, you finally got to see your $23 million a year 'till 2015 investment in action. And what did we get in return from Carsten Charles Sabathia, aka Mr. $700,000-per-start?


• (Consulting the box score...talk amongst yourselves...hmmm, this doesn't look good. Earmuffs, kids.)


• 4 1/3 innings, 96 pitches (only 50 strikes), six earned runs, eight hits, five walks and a whopping zero strikeouts. Lemme repeat that, because I sure as haaaaail did a double-take just typing that: five walks, zero strikeouts. Against the devastatingly powerful Orioles lineup.


• Stathead alert! Today was CC's 255th career start, and only the third time he failed to strike a batter out (both in 2005: May 5 at Minnesota and July 25 at Oakland). He's also never walked that many (five) while failing to ring up a single batter. By the way, on a separate note: CC's career postseason ERA is 7.92.


• 700 grand for that masterpiece today. Don't spend it all in one place, CC (or should I say, BB?)


• And Yankees fans, don't say I didn't warn you: Sabathia's gonna go something like 14-10 with an ERA in the high 3s, maybe low 4s this year. Sounds like $23 million well spent.


• For those of you screaming, "You guys both took him to win the Cy this year!" Well, consider this my official retraction. I'm going with either Ervin Santana or Roy Halladay. No, that's not a knee-jerk, one-game reaction.



• From the That Really Grinds My Gears Department: Tried out MLB.com's TV package today. I've done it the past three years, for some reason, since I've received the worst customer service out of any company to which I write checks. MLBTV's new "Nexdef" technology provides a crystal clear picture...but the damn thing freezes every 15 seconds, and doesn't refresh, so you end up watching the sixth inning when the game is actually in the eighth. Do not purchase this product, not worth the money.



• How 'bout my Marlins, huh? Highest run-scoring team of the day (as of 7 pm CST). Not bad for my World Series pick. Good start. Nice way to kick things off for Benji's favorite team, too; Rangers a 9-1 winner over the Tribe.


• Not so good for the Rox, 9-8 losers to the D-Bags Snakes.


• C'mon, Cookie, you're better than that.


• Quick shout-out to Michael Bleach of the Badger Herald, whose column last Thursday set the all-time Herald Sports record for "most commented story". (And to think, I only helped him once!) Had no idea softball people were that passionate, but it is a very well-written column and the ensuing commentors are insightful.



• BREAKING NEWS! So this news came out while I was putting this together: San Antonio Spurs douche guard Manu Ginobili's is out for the remainder of the season and playoffs because he committed too many flopping violations with an ankle injury.


• BREAKING VIEWS! Manu's season is over. So is the Spurs'. It's a two-horse race in the West now. (I will now go pump my fist Tiger-style for the next three hours.)
  
  


• Tonight's NCAA championship game should be a great one. The villain powerhouse against the Cinderella underdog that everyone's pulling for...for a reason other than basketball.


• Personally, I want to apologize to the Michigan State Spartans for doubting them. Sitting behind their bench during a bad loss to Ohio State in the Big Ten Tournament semifinals, the players seemed dysfunctional; I didn't get the feeling they really loved each other the way great teammates should. Kudos to Tom Izzo's crew for showing another iconic Big Ten coach how it's done in March and April, and it's great that you've lifted the spirits of Michigan.


• That said, speaking of teams that love each other, Tyler Hansbrough, Ty Lawson, Wayne Ellington and Danny Green didn't all come back to school just to lose in the championship game to a team it previously beat by 35...on that same court. Tar Heels win tonight, but it might be closer than you think - maybe the first single-digit win of North Carolina's tournament.


• Blake Griffin, thou art behemoth. Courtney Paris, thou art creatureth larger than behemoth.



• Brad Hawpe = Brandon Webb's daddy. And that's all I have to say about that.

Have a good one.

-AJ

2009 MLB Preview Extravaganza, Part II (Brenner's picks)... and our first Weekly Links

AJ's PICKS (all right, let's hear from someone who kind of knows baseball. But...no, not really)

You Play to Win The Game! Divisional and Playoff picks

AL East: Yankees....................................................NL East: Mets
AL Central: Indians...............................................NL Central: Cardinals
AL West: Angels.....................................................NL West: Dodgers
AL Wild Card: Red Sox...........................................NL Wild Card: Marlins

AL Penthouse (best record): Yankees.....,...........NL Penthouse: Mets
AL Outhouse (worst record): Mariners...............NL Outhouse: Nationals

ALCS: Yankees beat Angels
NLCS: Marlins beat Dodgers

World Series: Marlins beat Yankees in 7 (That's right, folks. We're on the every-six-year-plan with the Fish, and their last title was...let's see...consulting Wikipedia...ah! Six years ago! It's their year!)

Hardware heroes

AL MVP (ranked 1 through 5):
1) Grady Sizemore, Indians. Can do it all at the plate and in the field. And just look at that puddum.
2) Josh Hamilton, Rangers
3) Evan Longoria, Rays
4) Alex Rodriguez, Yankees
5) C.C. Sabathia, Yankees

NL MVP:
1) Albert Pujols, Cardinals: Well, I paid $70 for him in our auction draft - almost 30 percent of my cap. He'd BETTER deliver.
2) Hanley Ramirez, Marlins
3) Manny Ramirez, Dodgers
4) Ryan Howard, Phillies
5) Ryan Braun, Brewers

AL Cy Young:
1) CC Sabathia, Yankees: he's a big man.
2) Ervin Santana, Angels
3) Roy Halladay, Blue Jays

NL Cy Young:
1) Tim Lincecum, Giants: could win 20 and whiff 250 this year.
2) Ubaldo Jimenez, Rockies (okay, I'm a homer)
3) Ricky Nolasco, Marlins

AL Rookie of the Year: Travis Snider, Blue Jays
NL Rookie of the Year: Cameron Maybin, Marlins

Best shot to win a Triple Crown, AL: Alex Rodriguez, Yankees
Best shot to win a Triple Crown, NL: Albert Pujols, Cardinals

Other random crap we’ll try to predict

Most underrated team: Cincinnati Reds (and, obviously, my WS pick, Florida)
Most overrated team: Oakland Athletics

Surprise player (most likely to overachieve): Yovani Gallardo, Brewers
Disappointing player (most likely to underachieve): Matt Holliday, Rockies Athletics. His career batting average outside Coors Field is .280, folks. Overrated, perhaps?

What a ripoff! (top-10 salary team to stumble): Since the $120 million Mariners are too obvious, I'll go the Chicago White Sox.
Livin’ on a budget (bottom-10 salary team to thrive): Since the $22 million Marlins or $43 million Rays are too obvious, I'll stay in the AL Central with the Kansas City Royals.

Biggest name to surface in 2009 season involving steroids (active players only): LeBron James, Caval...oops, wrong sport. How about Manny Ramirez, Dodgers? (Apr. 6 postscript: Jose Canseco apparently agrees this is possible)

WEEKLY LINKS

Story of the week: Big Ten commish stands up for his league...and the Big XII, and the Pac-10

Blog post of the week: Mark Cuban stands up for noble sportswriters and surviving newspapers

Video of the week: Not gonna YouTube this week...this airgliding video is sweeeeeeeeeet, I HUGELY recommend you watch it, you will not regret it

Audio of the week: If you haven't heard the "Pucker Pucker Pucker" man, your life is not yet complete. End of story. I might devote more space to this later this week.

2009 MLB Preview Extravaganza, Part I (Walnick's picks)... and our first Weekly Links

B-Dubs readily admits he's not a big baseball guy, so...he'll probably be more accurate than me anyway.

B-DUBS PICKS

You Play to Win The Game! Divisional and Playoff picks

AL East: Yankees....................................................NL East: Phillies
AL Central: White Sox............................................NL Central: Cubs
AL West: Angels......................................................NL West: Dodgers
AL Wild Card: Rays................................................NL Wild Card: Brewers

(AJ note: wow, now that is original analysis from Mr. Benjamin Walnick. I feel like I'm looking at the 2008 division winners and wild card, only somebody accidentally typed the Yankees in for winning the AL East instead of the Red Sox. Talk about chalk.)

AL Penthouse (best record): Yankees.................NL Penthouse: Dodgers
AL Outhouse (worst record): Orioles..................NL Outhouse: Padres

ALCS: Yankees beat Angels
NLCS: Cubs beat Phillies

World Series: Yankees beat Cubs in 6

Hardware heroes

AL MVP (ranked 1 through 5):
1) Evan Longoria, Rays: Leads team to playoffs again.
2) Grady Sizemore, Indians
3) Joe Mauer, Twins
4) Kevin Youkilis, Red Sox
5) Carlos Quentin, White Sox

NL MVP:
1) Albert Pujols, Cardinals: Best power and finesse hitter in last 15 years.
2) David Wright, Mets
3) Hanley Ramirez, Marlins
4) Jimmy Rollins, Phillies
5) Ryan Braun, Brewers

AL Cy Young:
1) CC Sabathia, Yankees: The horse brings a championship to New York.
2) Roy Halladay, Blue Jays
3) Cliff Lee, Indians

NL Cy Young:
1) Carlos Zambrano, Cubs: Finally puts together a complete season and leads Cubs to World Series.
2) Tim Lincecum, Giants
3) Cole Hamels, Phillies

AL Rookie of the Year: David Price, Rays
NL Rookie of the Year: Cameron Maybin, Marlins

Best shot to win a Triple Crown, AL: Alex Rodriguez, Yankees
Best shot to win a Triple Crown, NL: Albert Pujols, Cardinals

Other random crap we’ll try to predict

Most underrated team: Rangers WILL make a run at the Angels (I'm a homer)
Most overrated team: Atlanta Braves

Surprise player (most likely to overachieve): Chris Davis, Rangers
Disappointing player (most likely to underachieve): Mark Teixeira, Yankees

What a ripoff! (top-10 salary team to stumble): Detroit Tigers
Livin’ on a budget (bottom-10 salary team to thrive): Tampa Bay Rays

Biggest name to surface in 2009 season involving steroids (active players only): Ryan Howard, Phillies

WEEKLY LINKS

Story of the week: Big Ten commish stands up for his league...and the Big XII, and the Pac-10

Blog post of the week: Mark Cuban stands up for noble sportswriters and surviving newspapers

Video of the week: Not gonna YouTube this week...this airgliding video is sweeeeeeeeeet, I HUGELY recommend you watch it, you will not regret it

Audio of the week: If you haven't heard the "Pucker Pucker Pucker" man, your life is not yet complete. End of story. I might devote more space to this later this week.