HE'S SPRINTING AROUND THE BASES! WOW!!!! WOW!!!

. Technically, it's Case of the Mondays, because arguably the most incredible, unbelievable, leave-your-jaw-wide-open-unable-to-speak spectacular moment in Denver sports history - and probably the most unbelivable moment in all of sports this year - occurred at 11:38 local time. Where I am, it was 12:38, so it's Tuesday. But Coors Field ROCKED while the bell was 22 minutes from tolling midnight. So, dammit, we're callin this Case of the Mondays.

I'm writing this at 2:05 am - about 90 minutes after the Rockies' indescribable 6-4 walk-off victory against the Giants. I'm still in shock. I'm a little numb. Probably delirious. Not sure how I'm going to function at work tomorrow, especially since I can't sleep thinking about the next three games on the ol' sked. But before I pass out from what's going on in LoDo, here are some bullet-point thoughts:

• Broncos who?
• I didn't realize Todd Helton had reached the Albert Pujols point where you just walk him automatically - even if the bases are loaded in a one-run game.
• But I did love Helton staring down Barry Zito after doing just that to tie the game up at 1. That was Zito's third free pass handed out to TH. Some veteran pitcher, ya hack.
• Yet another great play by Tulowitzki in the field to save a hit in the 10th. Of course, the announcers went nuts on ESPN during Top 10 when it was showed, which is well and good - but honestly, we Rockie fans are used to it. That's what Tulo does.
• Troy Tulowitzki > Derek Jeter. At least now he is. In the words of Matt Berry, you heard me.
• Of course, Tulo's boneheaded running error in the bottom of that inning can't go unnoticed. Runner on 2nd (a pinch-runner, by the way, so Helton's now out of the game), nobody out, Tulo singles to right. I guess he figured that if there was a play at the plate, either the game was over or CarGo would be out, so he should take second on the throw.
• But you've got to have more awareness than that. And besides, even with CarGo was held up and the ball was cut off, why didn't Troy scamper back to first? That killed the inning. Killed it.
• I do know that Tulo's playing through a bad leg injury. And Dex Fowler may have to do the same after fouling one off his knee in the 14th. Yikes.



• Cy Young boy Tim Lincecum pinch-running, and closer Brian Wilson batting for himself in the 11th. Ummmm...what's wrong with this picture?
• The exchange after that was hilarious: a terrible bunt by Wilson, Yorvit Torrealba making a horribly short throw to second, but Barmes makes a great dig and throws to first in time to nail a surprised Wilson. Threat over, inning over.
• But yeah, I mean, what's wrong with this picture? MLB, one way or the other here. Pick a DH for both leagues or neither. Preferably both leagues, but either way, make a decision. We're waiting. Somebody wake up Bud.
• Seriously, who are these Broncos characters? And where'd they go? Haven't heard much about them recently.
• Plus Brandon Medders lining to third with the bases juiced and two out in the 13th. Medders is the Giants', like, fifth reliever. Just adds to the awe of this game.



• All right, quote time: here's Drew Goodman's exact words in the bottom of the 14th:


• "Ryan 1 for 6. In the air, deep right-center field, way back...ROCKIES WIN IT! GRAND SLAM, RYAN SPILBORGHS! YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME! HE'S SPRINTING AROUND THE BASES! WOW! WOW!"
• And with all the passion illustrated with the all-caps. Perfectly executed by the long-time Rockies play-by-play man. Unlike that obnoxious "See Ya!" bullshit that's been 15 years overdone by the YES network buffoon.
• First walk-off grand slam in Rox history? Wouldn't have thunk it.
• Jim Tracy damn near collapsed when Spilly's blast cleared the bullpen wall. He is SO cool. Might be my favorite coach in Colorado, with regards to George Karl.
• And Tracy keeps saying it: "WE DON'T QUIT". Ah, the anti-Carmelo Anthony 2008 speech. (Sorry, Melo! Still love ya)
• On the other hand, San Francisco Giants: Just go home. Quit. Seriously. You have a better chance of making the 2009 MLB playoffs as the Washington Nationals, the New England Patriots, and the Saudi Arabian team in the Little League World Series. It's true.



• It is about this time I'm pondering: "what if this exact game happened between two teams wearing Yankees and Red Sox uniforms?"
• I'm thinking the following truths: the roof in Bristol would explore; ESPN would pre-empt all its programming (including its beloved LLWS) for the next 16 hours to show highlights; Bill Simmons would be composing a 60,000-word column as well as a book to be sold in stores at a Barnes & Noble near you next May; Buster Olney's head would explode; Peter Gammons would have a heart attack; and did I mention the roof in Bristol would explode? Yes, yes I did.
• That's not to knock ESPN's coverage of this game; it was great hearing the two anchors lead it off for the 1 pm SportsCenter. I'm just saying, Yankees-Red Sox is, well, it's getting old.
• Neil Everett, whom I hate, had two priceless lines on SportsCenter.
• The first was while ESPN showed the box score, right after Eaton's RBI walk: “Well, if you’re hanging around lower downtown Denver around midnight on Monday looking for something to do, you could catch this wild Rockies game now in the 14th inning, the Giants took a three-run lead in the top of the 14th, but then Adam Eaton walked with the bases loaded, and now…Ryan Spilborghs…(long pause)…has JUST HIT A WALK-OFF GRAND SLAM HOME RUN TO WIN IT FOR THE ROCKIES! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?”
• And this, “Me and Stan (Verrett) are watching this, and we have chicken skin, hair raising on the back of our necks”
• Neil, you moved up a few notches in my book. Keep it up, dude.



• Let me ask you: how is ESPN NOT moving mountains to get a Dodgers-Rockies game on national television this week? HOW?!?!
• Or how about Giants-Rockies on FOX on Saturday? Yo, Fox, check the fucking standings! CUBS ARE 62-60, EIGHT GAMES OUT! METS ARE 10 GAMES UNDER .500!!!!!
• And Dodgers-Reds? DODGERS-REDS? Who’s setting these matchups and are they triple or quadruple the legal limit when they’re doing so?
• Whatever. Bring on a Rangers-Rockies World Series. Can't wait to see jobs lost at MLB when that happens.



• BEAT LA.
• BEAT LA.
• BEAT LA.
• BEAT LA.
• BEAT LA.
• BEAT LA.
• BEAT LA.
• BEAT LA.
• BEAT LA.
• BEAT LA.
• BEAT LA.
• BEAT LA.
• BEAT LA.
• BEAT LA.
• BEAT LA.
• BEA
• (That's 15.5 'beat LAs'. Same as the number of games the Rockies were back of the Dodgers on June 3.)
• Attention Dodgers: Rockies in your rearview mirror are closer than they appear.
• I don't honestly think the Rox get more than a game in this series. An incredibly physical, taxing series with the G-Men just ending, the Dodgers had the day off, the pitching matchups are severely in LA's favor...
• That being said, that puts the pressure on the Dodgers. Should the Rockies get 2 of 3, the noose is gonna tighten even more around LA.
• Oh, and one more thing: Print 'em up. That's right, playoff tickets. Print 'em up. That's all I gotta say about that.

Have a good one.

-AJ

Riverside Rant of the Week: Screw you, MLB

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Let's play the "Team A vs. Team B Hidden Identity" game, shall we? I'm going to list the profiles of two different teams, and you tell me which squad deserves more attention on national TV as we hit the dog days of August, cool? Cool.

____________________________Team A________________Team B
Current record_____________57-47__________________52-52
Division rank______________T-2nd__________________3rd
Its division leader has...______Best record in MLB________12th-best record in MLB
Playoff standing____________Co-wild card leader________3 games out of division lead Playoff years since 2005______1______________________1
World Series since 2005______1______________________0
ESPN.com Power Ranking____11______________________19
Team payroll rank__________21st ($72.4 mil)___________23rd ($67.6 mil)
Census population rank______16th largest______________15th largest
*all statistics as of Aug. 1

So you've got the A team that's five games ahead of the B team, is sitting in a playoff spot, and plays in a much more competitive division. Both teams have appeared in the playoffs recently, but only Team A has been to a World Series during that trip. Team A is also eight spots ahead of Team B in the latest ESPN.com rankings. The two teams have similar payrolls and play in similar TV markets (so, this is not a Boston vs. Tampa situation where the markets are vastly different.)

So, you'd obviously think that Team A should be on national television much more than Team B, right? Guess what, guys and gals: Team B is going to be on national television FOUR TIMES this month. Team A? Once. ONCE. And that's only if you consider MLB Network national television - in fact, that lone game is against the Cubs, whose games are mostly on WGN or Comcast Sportsnet anyway. But the point is, Team A will not appear on Fox, TBS or ESPN in August.

Go ahead and guess the two teams' identities. While you're mulling it over, here's a fun picture that'll make you laugh. Look real closely at the text graphic at the bottom:


Haha, Mark Buehrle's a stud! Hitting hos all over the place. Anyway, Team A is, of course, my beloved Rockies. Team B is Minnesota, which has a couple of stud players in Joe Mauer and Justin Morneau and has been a perennially successful team. But sorry Twin Cities, your team being on national TV four times in August kind of makes me want to barf.

Think I'm being too harsh on Minny? Fine. In fact, I just as easily could have played this game with the Atlanta Braves (53-51, 3rd place, 13th power rank, no playoffs since 2005, and 21st-largest media market - all weaker than the Rockies). Atlanta will be shown to America five times this year. Hope the U.S. likes old guys named Chipper and bespectacled catchers, because that's about all there is to like about the team that TBS deemed not attractive enough to continue following.

Then you've got Boston (eight times), which has officially replaced the Yankees as America's SUDAT Team (Shove Us Down America's Throat). Yanks are on five times since YES just isn't enough; Cubs are on five times, thank goodness they didn't tank; Mets and their sub-.500 record are on four times; Philly and the Dodgers are each on five times, understandable considering the defending champs and current top record and baseball are among those two.

But actually, you have no idea how glad I am that the Cleveland Indians take their 43-61 record to a national stage twice during this pivotal month. That's right, 43-61. No, really, I was so pumped when I saw I'd get two chances to watch a team that decided "you know what? let's just spit on our fans by letting go of a Cy Young winner and an All-Star catcher who swings both ways and can also play first base when not behind the dish. Who needs 'em?"

Oh, and you've got the Reds on twice too. You know, the 45-58 Reds who have been "just one year away" for about 28 years. And then, the Royals. The same Royals that are 23 games under .500. Yep, they were on Fox today. I'm sure their 14 fans were thrilled.

By the way, Cleveland, Cincinnati and Kansas City are 18th, 25th and 27th on the media market list. All lower than Denver. None of those franchises are higher than 15th on the league's payroll list. None of those cities has more than three teams in the four major pro sports, either (Cincy and KC have just two each - no hockey or hoops). Last I checked, Denver has four.

I think you get my drift. It continues to be absolutely deplorable that Major League Baseball and the networks that carry the product ignore the Colorado Rockies. Absolutely deplorable. Honestly, that's an understatement. I'd use better vernacular to describe this fact if I possessed it...or if I wanted to allow successive expletives on my blog.

What's funny is, the Nuggets were on national TV 19 times this year. 19! That's a quarter of their games!!! And they hadn't won a playoff round in a couple decades until this season! So we know the NBA department at ESPN can find Denver on a map. Besides, the Broncos have always received more than their share of attention in the past, and when the NHL was hot, the Avs were one of the three or four premier teams in the league. Apparently, the MLB department needs the heads-up that yes, hardball is played in the Rocky Mountains.

That's all I gotta say. Makes me wanna puke.

-AJ

Case of the Mondays, Part I (Quick Hits)

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Didn't have time last week - too busy with work - for a Riverside Rants, so we'll try something new tonight. Just some quick-hit, one- or two-line thoughts on the past two weeks of sports.

So here we go, Riverside Rants for a Monday that feels kinda weird without checking my fantasy baseball team even once...

• Roger Federer: Greatest of All-Time. If you win the most big events, you're the best ever. End of discussion.


• It's simply remarkable that Andy Roddick became the player we never thought he could be, at this seasoned age and with a pretty hot wife in his life. Hopefully, those two weeks weren't just a flash in the pan; because if he truly is this skilled overall now, then he will absolutely win a second major before his time is done. Write it down.


• This just in - Albert Pujols is good.


• And while we're right to at least be suspicious - it sucks, Albert, but that's life - he has a right to complain about our suspicions. After all, his test-of-time consistent stats indicate he's clean. Sure hope he is.


• I'm still unsure about baseball's decision - OK, Bud Selig's decision - to have the All-Star Game count for that much. On the one hand, it makes me watch. On the other hand, it takes a fun event and makes it stressful, since any fan with a contending team in the losing league gets pissed afterward.


• So here's my suggestion to make it even wackier: make it I survived a Japanese Game Show! style. Whichever league wins the Home Run Derby, gets "big advantage in second game!" aka ASG. So now the National League should, like, get four outs in the first and ninth innings or something like that. And then the HRD gets even larger ratings. Done and done.


• Hey, did you hear Michael Jackson died?


• From this week's "I'm not tootin' my own horn, I'm just...well...okay, I'm tootin' my own horn" department: I said in March that C.C. Sabathia would go 14-10 with an ERA in the high 3s. At the All-Star break, C.C. (which stands for cold cash, by the way) is 8-6 with a 3.86 ERA. That's on pace, for, uh, about 14-10 with an ERA in the high 3s.


• Excuse me while I give myself a high five.


• Good for Jonathan Sanchez showing everybody he's a better pitcher than, for some reason, the national pundits give him credit for - he is definitely deserving of a place in that awesome Giants rotation. But I won't congratulate him on a no-hit performance, because I'm still waiting for him to throw strike three on the last batter. That pitch was absolutely a ball, and PTI made a great point by discussing how the umpire got a little too excited to punch out the Padres' Everth Cabrera.


• Fantasy Football. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Just typing those words, well, in the words of Brian Fantana, "I'm very aroused."


• Chauncey Billups. Roy Halladay? Please? Just send Garrett Atkins, Seth Smith and a minor-league arm the Jays' way, and maybe Roy will come home and deliver another WS trip. Please?


• I think I died laughing when I saw the video of Willie Harris taking a bad hop to his, uh, man area. You gotta love the Nats for their comic relief. Wish I had a link to this.


• Why is this Lance Armstrong-Alberto Conquistador (or whatever his name is) thing such a big deal? I was under the impression cycling was an INDIVIDUAL SPORT. Instead of debating who should let who win, how about you BOTH work your butts off 'til the final stage, and then may the best man win? Gee, I thought that's what sports was about. Not being polite. And you wonder why competitive cycling is stupid, Lance or no Lance.


• Speaking of overblown, overaged egos...go away, Brett. Please, go away.


• Wipeout = really funny show. I Survived a Japanese Game Show! = strangely addicting. The Superstars = laaaaaaaaaame.


• Zach Johnson needs a fashion advisor, and quick. And that's all I gotta say about that.

Have a good one.

-AJ

U-S-A! U-S-A! C-H-O-K-E-D! and more Case of the Mondays

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More Riverside Rants in the middle of a Wimbledon that might have a couple Andys in the semis and Williamses in the final...

• Boy, there is just nothing better than a bunch of loud, drunk Americans being wheeled into one bar on a bandwagon to watch the rarest of rarities: a relevant USA soccer game, huh?
• There were a surprising amount of Brazil soccer fans there, too, which made things fun. Particularly when the American team went up 2-0, the bar went bazooka-bonkers twice, and the poor Brasilian hooligans looked like they were contemplating how to go into hiding for the next 28 years. I loved the part where our table started up the "U-S-A! U-S-A!" chant on both occasions.
• Of course, just like any low-budget horror movie, it ended badly. When Brazil scored the game-winner with 10 minutes to go, the table of yellow-and-green-clad patrons started mocking us with their own version of the U-S-A chant. I won't reprint what qualifier they added; this is a family sports-and-hot-chicks blog.
• The funny thing is, I seem to recall reading a story about how much the rest of the world hates that U-S-A! chant. Like it's beyond obnoxious to any foreigner. I think I read that during the Olympics, maybe.
• I guess I can appreciate that, in all honesty. The chant is plain, it's simple, and it basically boasts, "we're better than you" in a sing-songy fashion. I suppose the foreign-language chants hold less personal entitlement to them, so whatever.
• But it was all in good fun, and no bad blood lingered between the two fan groups on the way out or anything. Besides, our group forgot about the not-so-devastating result halfway on our commute from Brats to the Terrace; we wouldn't have wanted our Brazilian amigos to stay depressed until the 2036 World Cup.


• And now, our Riverside Rant of the Week. Enjoy.
• Three big-time trades went down in the Association right before the Draft. Well, big-time if you're a fan of the Cavs, Magic or Spurs. Not so much if you're sticking with the Suns, Nets and Bucks.
• Hmmm...three playoff teams make moves to get better, while three non-playoff teams give away top players for basically nothing. Anybody still wonder why the same 16 franchises make the postseason each year?
• The East champs, Orlando, picked up Vince Carter, which kind of was all right, since they couldn't hang on to Rafer Alston and the Nets do receive Courtney Lee in return. But I don't know what New Jersey intends to do with Alston - who just "point"ed the Magic to the NBA Finals - seeing as Devin Harris isn't about to give up time.
• Then the stupid Bucks-Spurs deal, which involved five players - four of them completely irrelevant. Rip Jefferson is now in San Antonio, in exchange for bag of balls.
• Not the actual basketballs; just the bag. An empty bag.
• Bruce Bowen will get bought out, Kurt Thomas is now useless and Amir Johnson is terrible. The Milwaukee Bucks: ready to rise? More like ready to slap that snooze button and get another 45 minutes of sleep.
• "The Bucks' incentive to make the trade is largely financial," according to the AP story. A true statement, if you leave out the 'largely' part. Milwaukee GM John Hammond said this gives the Bucks "much-needed options in the short- and long-term."
• What short-term? Somehow, giving away a 20-point scorer and deadly shooter for whom you just traded the farm 18 months ago is good in the short term? Replacing him with a 36-year-old center and an overpaid, fourth-string forward helps your team in the short term?
• John, John...just call it what it is in your pretty little statement. "Our franchise is hemorraging money and selling out fans, so we're just going to put more money in our already-fat pockets. Thank you, and go to hell."
• And then, that Shaq trade. You might say, 'the Cavs shouldn't start printing up a banner just yet; the Diesel is running out of gas at age 39.' This may be. But they got him basically for free.
• The Cavs sent Ben Wallace (probably retiring) and Sasha Pavlovic (probably getting bought out and returning to the Cavs) to the Suns. Wait, scratch that sentence. Neither of them are going to Phoenix. So why'd they do it?
• "For the Suns, the O'Neal trade is a straight salary dump." Ah, I see. A team that won 60 games LAST YEAR made a blockbuster deal that made zero basketball sense to it. The economy didn't crumble THAT fast, fellas.
• Here's the actual rant: I understand there are reasons behind cutting salary. Heck, the Nuggets made a straight salary dump with Camby and ended up with the greatest season in franchise history. But they were already a good team, and LA was trying to add pieces. That deal made some sense to both sides.
• Now we're seeing these teams basically GIVE UP. And why? Because the owners wanna slash expenses in a bad economy?
• That's the part, good readers, that makes me the sickest. The next owner who makes any sort of B.S. statement about tightening his belts should take a gander at the unemployment lines in their city. Or read the disturbing headline that 19.7% of May 2009 college grads are now employed within a month of commencement, compared with 51% in May 2007. Or do any other sort of actual research involving impoverished families who can barely afford the day.
• Then tell us, your paying customers, about tightening your belts.
• It's this simple, you 120 owners: you're filthy rich. And you own a sports team. If you don't care about winning and care about making money, sell your team. There's got to be a few more Mark Cubans out there that will spend, spend, spend to win.
• Because that's what makes sports go around: 30 teams in each sport that are extremely competitive, not 8 haves and 22 have-nots. Enough of these excuses.
• One more thing: if you type the words "salary dump" into Google Search, followed by the word "NFL", "NHL" or "MLB", you get somewhere in the range of 25,000 maybe 30,000 results. If you type in "salary dump NBA"? 40 grand.
• David Stern, you have a call from a dirty, disgusting little secret on line one.


• As my cohort in crime Andrew Petersen found today on Twitter, Chase Daniel was pleased to announce that Missouri was "one of two schools to produce a first-round pick in the NFL, NBA and MLB drafts this spring."
• Why, that's nice, Chase. Showing support for your alma mater like that.
• Should I even mention that both North Carolina AND Southern California are in the group with Missouri? Or would that force us to learn whether or not Chase can count past two?
• Ah, screw it. Mizzou-rah.


• Wimbledon picks, or "Wimby" if you're a ruh-tard headline writer at ESPN: Andy Roddick gets past Lleyton Hewitt in a solid five-setter, Andy Murray eases past JC Ferrero in three, Novak Djokovic knocks off Tommy Haas in four, and Roger Federer squeezes past Ivo Karlovic in a surprisingly entertaining four sets.
• On the women's side? I think I mentioned a couple Williamses who might have a bit of success. Dinara Safina might be the worst No. 1 of all time, and Elena Dementieva is the eternal "play to my seed and just go home" player.


• Go see the Hangover. Then see it again. But if you pass up Transformers 2 to see Hangover a second time, at least sneak into the sequel for the first 10 minutes.
• Two words: Megan Fox. Two more words: her legs. And that's all I have to say about that.

Have a good one.

-AJ

Who the f&$#! is Lucas Glover? and more Case of the Mondays

Note: had a looooooooong day at work today so I don't have time to complete an entire Riverside Rants right now. But today serves pretty well for me to just offer some quick-hit thoughts, all of which I will expand upon either tomorrow or later in the week. I can't and won't let you down.

-Lucas Glover (71st ranked in the world) holding off David Duval (882nd) in a tourney led mostly by Ricky Barnes (519th) shows just how golf is just a giant crapshoot. What else does it prove? That Tiger used to be the most dominant athlete in all of sport. Emphasis on used to.
-I am sick and tired of Tiger's excuses, as well as his silly, sophmoric tantrums he throws after a poor shot. You don't see Roger Federer doing this, you don't see Tom Brady, Derek Jeter or LeBron James doing this, and you especially didn't see Jack Nicklaus or Arnold Palmer doing this. Grow up, Tiger. Your days of winning everything are behind you.

-James Blake, retirement calling on line one.
-Roger Federer - LOCK.
-This has a chance to be a historically awful draw for me, picks-wise. Just terrible. Whoops.

-Looks like it's back to the drawing board, UW athletic department.
-Do yourself a favor when reading this article, and start reading at the fifth paragraph, not the top. I could care less about Wisconsin's positive spin on how quick tickets sold out. That's less a symbol of the program's popularity and more about kids realizing, oh shit, I better be online at 8:30 on Monday morning or I'm gonna miss out. Don't try and make us think it's any different than that.
-Derek Zetlin's gonna pioneer change, one way or another. I'm feeling it.

-Here's my big project for tomorrow, or Wednesday. I'm gonna research how many times in the last decade a baseball team has played an 18-game stretch losing one or zero games.
-Then I'm gonna see how many times the same franchise has accomplished that feat - 17-1 or 18-0 - TWICE, in a span of 20 months. In the history of baseball.
-Then I'm going to ask, quite rhetorically, why in the name of Kazuo Matsui has ESPN failed to acknowledge, like at ALL, the Colorado Rockies, both the '07 and '09 editions. If the Sawx had done this, I think the offices in Bristol would explode. It would no longer be Baseball Tonight - in fact, it wouldn't be Yankees Tonight. It would be Red Sox Tonight.
-But, a little ball team from Denver does this, and it's not even Page 2 news. Not even Page 6 news. Doesn't get any press whatsoever.
-Please, sports gods, if you grant me nothing else in the world of sports, grant me a competing TV network to ESPN. Somebody needs to put the Worldwide Leader in their fricking place and cover sports the right way; the fair way.

More on these topics, and other topics, later. Have a good one.

-AJ

¡Yo Soy Conando! and more Case of the Mondays

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Finally…WE’RE BACK! More Mile High Musings – wait a minute. We need to change the subtitle of this thing. I mean, Case of the Mondays remains great, but Mile High Musings? I’m no longer in Denver! No more need for nostalgia. Hmmmm…what fits with Iowa?

(I swear to God, the next wisenheimer who makes a corn joke is getting 4,000 ears of corn shipped overnight to your front door. Grrrrr…)

Corn actually doesn’t work, since Davenport is extremely urban. No sign of corn anywhere. The Mississippi River’s right there, though. How about, Riverside Rants? That work for everybody? Good.

Now, without further adieu…a supersized pilot installment of Riverside Rants on a Monday that sees a parade of champions passing through during the past few weeks…

• My dad and I had a conversation on, I wanna say it was Friday; the Lakers had just taken a 3-1 lead in the NBA Finals and the Red Wings were about to battle the Penguins in one game, in Joe Louis Arena, for the Stanley Cup. My dad posed the interesting question: if you could take one and only one result to your liking based on rivalry (a Red Wings loss at home, or a complete Laker collapse), which would it be?
• Interesting question, I think. And I’d love to hear input from other Colorado fans. Basically, you’re either harkening back to your good ol’ Avalanche-loving, “Red Wings Suck” days and stripping Detroit of a Cup on its home ice … or you’re making sure “The Rapist” is handed the most painful beating of his life in Games 5, 6 and 7 which would make a diehard Nuggets fan feel kinda, sort better in the end.
• My dad’s take was hands down, take the Red Wings loss. I think he’s still more into the NHL than I am, so he loved seeing Denver’s most hated rival failing to win their fifth championship of the Colorado Avalanche era.
• Me? I had to think for a minute, before agreeing with my dad. However, I had a different reason. Kobe is a psycho. He really is. And I mean that in a good way. He absolutely killed himself over the past two years – mainly, in the past 12 months since losing to Boston – to get that fourth ring and first post-Diesel ring.
• If you’re a Nuggets fan, or Spurs fan, or Blazers/Jazz/Suns/Mavs/Rockets/Hornets fan, do you want ANY part of an even more pissed-off Kobe Bryant in 2009-10? I didn’t think so. Let Kobe soak in the completion of his quest, and now that he’s getting older – not to mention, that’s a whole lotta games he’s now logged in the last 24 months – there’s great opportunity for another Western Conference team to make the Finals next season.
• (Psssst…Chauncey, are you listening? MAKE IT HAPPEN NEXT YEAR! Thank you.)



• So anyway, speaking of the Lakers, congratulations to Los Angeles on your 15th. And to Phil Jackson on his tenth in 19 years – now THAT is an accomplishment.
• But I’m morally obligated to complain about this somehow, so let’s talk about that ghastly postgame ceremony in which three different sequences were excruciating to watch, not from a I-hate-the-Lakers standpoint but from a why-is-this-completely-ad-libbed-I-think-I’ll-flip-to-TBS-to-watch-Mean-Girls-now standpoint…
• Stuart Scott’s first interview upon the Lakers being presented the Larry O’Brien trophy was not Jerry Buss. It was Jerry’s son Joey – what kind of high-powered executive is named Joey? – whose attire (not just any polo shirt and jeans; it was an outfit that looked like it was 40 percent off at Kohl’s during Bonus Buys week in May) indicates he didn’t realize he was going to be accepting a world championship trophy on national television. Instead, he thought he was just gonna be backstage, draining free booze with attractive 24-year-old interns who were staring at the huge bulge in his pants.
• (A bulge caused by a wallet filled with Daddy’s cash. Get your minds out of the gutter.)
• Anyway…uhhh…okay, I’ll ask. Where’s Jerry? Why are we talking to his son, who nobody’s even heard of (not even Kobe or Pau)? Why can’t he shave his neck patch? Why was the answer to Stu Scott’s first question a long pause and then, “this one…means…a lot.”? (Thanks for the elaboration) And for god’s sake, if we can’t hear from the actual owner, why not his daughter, Jeanie Buss, who’s also dating Phil Jackson? Wouldn’t it have been great for Stu to kid around with her about dating PJ with some sort of lame sex pun or asking if this would be a good time for Phil to pop the question? That whole sequence was especially painful.
• Then during Scott’s interview with Phil, that went well enough…right until the end, when Phil addressed his family, said “they mean so much to me and I can’t thank them enough” to clearly complete his answer. But Stu must have had a stroke or something, because he stared at Phil for THREE GOOD SECONDS, keeping the microphone in front of his face, not asking a follow-up question or turning it back to David Stern, forcing Phil to stammer out awkwardly, “thank you”. Hi, hello Stu? Earth to Stu? You’re on NATIONAL TELEVISION. Wake up.
• And then, Stern brings up Bill Russell, apparently to assist him with presenting the MVP trophy to Kobe Bryant. Sounds like a real two-man job. Stern lists off all Bill Russell’s accolades, reminding the Magic crowd and L.A.’s fans of how successful the Celtics’ franchise has been (like anybody cares or wants to hear about that). After a long-winded introduction, Stern nods in Russell’s direction, and Russell goes to take the microphone and present Kobe with the trophy in his name. Except, inexplicably, Stern gives Russell the “psyche!” treatment, turning back to the crowd and saying, “Ladies and gentlemen, your 2009 Finals Most Valuable Player, Kobe Bryant!”, and the camera shows in on a stunned Russell, clapping politely but almost certainly thinking, “WTF? Is Stern clinically insane? Why’d I come down here? And where’s Kevin Garnett at? Shouldn’t I be giving him this trophy?”
• What a weird postgame, post-championship ceremony. Well done, ABC and NBA. Take a bow.
• Or don’t. Whatever.



• Pau Gasol wears braces? I had no idea.
• I still think Gasol’s nickname should be Garbage Man, for all the easy points he picks up for doing almost nothing. But I do not still think he’s overrated. He’s one of the top five big men in the league, no matter how he gets it done.



• Saw the Hangover Saturday. Comic genius.
• That is a spot-on representation of what every man aspires to with bachelor parties and Vegas-related shenanigans in general. The physical humor was great – but that’s kinda besides the point.
• Hangover is an absolute quote machine, like Anchorman-level. I cannot WAIT to buy the DVD – which will certainly be Unrated and might come with 3D glasses, considering the direction of Hollywood – and start memorizing every line. Highly recommend the flick, if you haven’t caught it already.



• How ‘bout them Rockies? Got a lil’ stat for you. Looked it up myself.
• On June 15, 2007, the Rockies were right at .500, had a minus-24 run margin, and sat 5 games behind the Dodgers out of the National League wild card.
• On June 15, 2009, the Rockies were one game under .500, had a plus-22 run margin, and sat 3.5 games behind the Giants out of the NL wild card.
• The ’09 team was unwatchable on June 1. The ’07 team made the World Series.
• All together now: I’m not sayin’. I’m just sayin’.
• Okay, I admit it. I did hurt myself jumping on the bandwagon. I’m not making any playoff declarations; I’m not even saying I’m going to watch them any more closely now…it’s not easy when you’re out of town like this. But at least they’re watchable now, and should the Dodgers drop off even a little bit – well, things might get interesting.



• And now, our weekly News and Views (Andy Baggot, your check is in the mail)…
• News: Jason Marquis pitches brilliantly for seven innings on Saturday, leaving with one earned run and a 3-1 lead. Manny Corpas enters in the eighth, surrenders a game-tying two-run jack, but finishes the inning and benefits from two Rockie runs in the bottom half of the inning. Corpas picks up the victory; Marquis gets squat.
• Views: Please, MLB statnerds, PLEASE … can we do away with the silly won-loss rules for pitching? Like, really. I’d feel just as wronged if Johan Santana gave up 11 runs in two innings, only for the Mets to win (or lose) 17-15 and provide Santana with a no-decision.
• We’ve got to create a new formula for win-loss: maybe it’s gotta be the team record when that guy pitches. Or perhaps it takes into consideration who was leading when the pitcher departed, which wouldn’t keep it as a “win-loss” record, but some other stat that judges how often a pitcher gives his team a chance to win the freaking ballgame.
• If nothing else, please…no more shall a reliever be allowed to pick up a blown save AND a win in the same game like Corpas did. PERIOD. If a starting pitcher can throw four solid innings and be disallowed from being named the winner, then we can certainly create a rule that stops a reliever from blowing a lead – or, for that matter, allowing two or more runs in any circumstance – from becoming the pitcher of record during a victory because his teammates bailed him out.
• And that’s my extended Riverside Rant of the day. Whew. Glad I could get that out.



• Federer’s French Fourteen. The Swiss Slam. Roger and Pete just hangin’ out together, on the same line.
• And yes, the victory is slightly hollow since Nadal didn’t meet Federer there in the final at Roland Garros. But as they say, you can only beat the guys on the other side of the net. It wasn’t like Roger went all college football on us and intentionally scheduled a patsy like Robin Soderling to roll over under all that pressure on Championship Sunday.
• Should Nadal be unable to compete at Wimbledon, does that make things easier for Roger’s quest to break Sampras’ all-time mark in London? Sure it does. But is it automatic? Not even close. I think the likes of Novak Djokovic, the much-improved homeboy Andy Murray, and even a hot stringer like Andy Roddick (not to mention all the young talent like Del Potro, Tsonga, Ferrer, Gulbis, et al) might have something to say about that.
• But anyways, well done to Federer. He deserves inner peace after having the French Open elude him all those years. Wimbledon should be terrifically fun.



• As for the women’s side? Boy, when Maria and Ana are hurt/struggling and the Williams sisters go quietly in the early rounds, I just can’t bring myself to care. Sorry. Need more stud players outside that foursome.
• For the avid tennis fan: buy this book. Now. And read it. Read it all. You can do it in a day. And that’s all I have to say about that.

Have a good one.

-AJ