The Morning Report, Vol. 1

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Ah, the first Saturday of college football. A tasty appetizer before the MAIN COURSE WHICH IS NOW JUST EIGHT DAYS AWAY WEEK 1 OF NFL WEEK 1 OF NFL OMIGOD OMIGOD...

Sorry about that. It's too early for outward emotion. But seriously, great day of college football ahead. For me personally, I'll be watching medleys all day.

11 am (CST):
Northern Iowa at No. 22 Iowa (my NEW local team)
Minnesota at Syracuse

2:30 pm:
Mizzou-RAH at Illinois
No. 13 Georgia at No. 9 Oklahoma State (let's go, Z-Rob)

6 PM:
Northern Illinois at Wisconsin (more on the Badgers later today)

7 PM:
No. 5 Alabama at No. 7 Virginia Tech


God, I miss Madison today. But anyhow...

Throw in a STAR-STUDDED day of U.S. Open tennis (Federer-Hewitt, Oudin-Sharpova in a battle of the hotties, Djokovic-Witten, Soderling-Querrey, Isner-Roddick, topped off by Blake-Robredo) and, um, why leave the house? Butt, meet couch. It's been a while.

But before we get started, here are six points to ponder in the first (and hopefully not last) installment of "The Morning Report", which'll rattle off some lingering thoughts when I wake up in the a.m.

• These Toaster Scrambles - bacon, egg and sausage - are deeeeeeeeeeeelicious.
  
• Watched Big Ten Cookout this morning, and it took me about 4.8 seconds to figure out that Melanie Collins - our April TNEA - is really dumb. Like, kind of unconsciously dumb. I'll cut her a break, since she's 22 and just getting started on TV (and apparently, BTN thinks it's a great idea to have a girl fresh out of college hosting important Saturday shows). But she's got a lot of work to do before entering the class of our girl EA. But still...you say Big Ten Cookout, I say "Stare at Melanie Collins' Rockin' Body For 30 Minutes." She is deeeeeeeeeeelicious.


• Answer to a previous tennis trivia question (Name the 11 American citizens to win a GS singles title in my lifetime): Sampras, Agassi, Roddick, Serena and Venus are the easy ones. The toughies? Jim Courier (4, a two pair of Aussies and Frenches between 1991-93), Michael Chang (the 1989 French, two months before Matt and Dan's births), Lindsay Davenport (every tournament but the French, between '98 and 2000), Jennifer Capriati (two Aussies and a French), and then the two American converts - Martina Navratilova and Monica Seles.


• After two rounds, heading into Labor Day weekend, my dad holds a slight 90-88 point lead over me in our U.S. Open draw. Overall, he has been better: all 8 of his quarterfinalists are still in tact and he didn't make a lot of dumb early picks. Despite me losing Mardy Fish as a quarterfinalists, my entire top half round of 16 is still in tact (and they could all win today too), which has helped me keep pace. Again, I have Murray beating Federer in the final, Dad has the opposite.


• Go ahead and Google "college football". This is the No. 2 hit. And this is the No. 9 hit. Gotta love the fact that college football has apparently become synonymous with Jenn Sterger. Google is awesome.


• Picks, picks, picks: I'll take Oklahoma State to barely fight off Georgia (best game of the day), No. 3 Oklahoma to sneak by No. 20 BYU, Northern Colorado to stun No. 25 Kansas in Lawrence in my upset special, Washington to topple No. 11 LSU in my other upset special, and No. 7 Virginia Tech to score a big BCS win over No. 5 Alabama tonight. Also give me Miami over host No. 18 Florida State in my third upset special on Monday, Michigan narrowly over Western Michigan, Wisconsin big over Northern Illinois (again, more on this later today), Illinois over Missouri, and common sense over LeGarrette Blount's stupidity.

College football preview coming later today! Enjoy Labor Day Weekend, everybody!

-AJ

TNEA of the Month: May

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A moment of silence, for the end of the month-long reign of NBA-TV siren Melanie "Who should be on the calendar cover? Hmmmm...me." Collins. We shall miss thou, and thy rocking body.

OK, moment over. No, seriously, stop ogling those pictures. Moment OVER!!!

Let me help. For your viewing pleasure, May's TNEA: Maria Sansone.

Well, we've gotten plenty of suggestions on who to go with for May's TNEA, and I'm hoping we will get to most or all of them in good time. Definitely some great considerations for a Erin Andrews replacement - not that she needs replacing: you know, we're just looking out for you sideline hottie-loving folk out there just in case.

For this month, we shift from a TV chick to a young lady who's made her mark online. Not many of you may have heard of "PopTub", but it's a Pepsi-sponsored segment on YouTube that makes fun of other YouTube videos. You might call it a version of "America's Funniest Home Videos", except the program is online and only rips material from fellow YouTube materials.

Poptub is entertaining for many reasons (most of them, humor), but the show's host, Maria Sansone, ranks right up there at the top. She's bubbly, a little edgy and risque, funny, fun to watch, and really, really, really, really, really, really, ridiculously cute. She reminds me of a young 'Aunt Becky' from Full House, with perfectly hot hair and flattering makeup, in high definition.

What I like about Maria is that she and her program are, indeed, quite entertaining. You watch the show, you watch the pulled YouTube videos, and it's easy to come back for more simply for the humor. But, hey, nobody would blame you to come back and watch more of HD Maria, too.



Admittedly, what Maria has over Melanie in popularity (there are hundreds of videos on YouTub, most with views in the hundreds of thousands), she lacks in sports-savvyness. There's not a ton of sports-related talk on Poptub: most of the content is devoted to either internet news or to goofy videos like this one. (That's kind of how I stumbled across Poptub, so I thought I'd post it. Not to mention, I have a good friend who, I swear, was that kid about 15 years ago.)

So maybe this is reaching, but give her props for showcasing one of the greatest football-related commercials of all-time: the one where innocent office workers get destroyed by Terry Tate.



What's that? You want one more? OK, here you go, another HD video that makes you kneel down and worship the men and women who created HD. Try not to stare.



If you want to see more, just click on any of the three clips while they're playing, and you'll go right to the YouTube page where you can link to all the other Poptub videos.

Can I get a Terry Tate "WHOOOOOOOO!!!"?

-AJ

TNEA of the Month: April

OK, now for those who actually scrolled down this far and made it past the picture...

April is widely considered the best sports month of the year. Opening Day; NFL Draft; NBA and NHL races heating up; Final Four (love how March Madness has turned into April Absurdity); and of course, the birthday month of yours truly.

Thusly, April deserves a strong candidate for this month's TNEA, or The Next Erin Andrews if you're new to the club. Every month, Tribute will pay respects to a young woman out there, preferably in the world of sports, who just might have the the good looks and good charm to one day take over for the lovely Erin Andrews, should she ever choose to leave her ESPN gig and spend the remainder of her days throwing down the Gator Chomp in Gainesville. Or lusting into the hands of another man in SEC land.

Now, if you had to guess which one of the lovely ladies at the top of this post is the focus of our fawning this month, it'd be tough, now would it? It's a good month indeed; three good candidates right there.

But alas, one must portray more than just babe-like symptoms to take over for EA; experience is a must, too. The blonde on the left is Melanie Collins, of NBA.com League Pass (discovered her during halftime of the Nuggets-Mavericks game), of Big Ten Network (where's your hot correspondents, Big XII Network? What up?) and most importantly, of the Tempe12 models.



Now we love Charissa Thompson, March's nominee. She's also with the BTN. (Seriously, B-dubs, scoreboard. 2-0) But Charissa, the smokin' ex-Rockies sideline girl, doesn't have a lineup of pics like these...

What more can you say? Melanie's a Penn State grad (B-dubs needs a shovel to dig out of this Big-Ten-stomps-Big-XII-like hole) and is our age. Yep, the 22-year-old Nittany Lion graduated last year, and is already working along the likes of Gary Payton, Chris Webber and David Aldridge for NBATV.

Hot damn. Now that's setting the bar high for future TNEA candidates. But we'll do our best, starting again on May 1.

-AJ